Teggie

I am doing ok. I really am. Things have been falling into place since I made the addict leave my property.

I was worried about how DD would get back & forth to school on weekdays that I work, luckily she will be able to catch the bus with her siblings and my mom is picking her up. That was a huge worry off my mind. Maybye at some point she can get a part time job and we can work on getting her a vehicle.

Luckily DD is old enough to watch her siblings until I get home at night and on the every other weekend I work. In turn I try to let her get some extra things and have a little spending money.

My money isn't dissappearing quite as fast with not financing his cigarettes, gas and crap. No more pickup payment to make and with dropping the pickup my car insurance is 80 dollars less. And once his rental gets turned in Tuesday I will be through with that.

No more drinks spilled in the bed or running down the wall, or burn holes on my bathroom floor. Or scattered food around his desk on the floor. No more lack of sleep from a stoned addict stumbling around the house or watching him breath 4 times a minutes wondering if he really took too much this time. It's the little things....

Only minor drama at this point. DS wanted to go with him today to some event in a nearby town. I had to say no and explained to him that his dad had to leave because he was taking too many pills & when he does that he gets sleepy and I can't have him in the car with him. He argued that his Dad didn't seem sleepy and I said the answer was still no. After a few minutes he was fine with it.

I am finding myself really starting to see things with clarity yet on the other hand doubts and guilt seep in a times making me wonder if I should have done something more, is he going to die out on his own. I also feel greif at the loss of this relationship. Some people who know us ask things like why aren't we going to counseling, somehow making me feel as if I am just throwing him away, not trying hard enough etc. Of course I am sure that his side of the story is very different and I'm sure he's not telling people he had to leave because he's an addict.

I realize these people have no clue whats really going on. I realize those guilt & greif feelings are natural and I am well enough to see them for what they are.

I talk to my family, go to my Alanon meetings and have been reading my codependancy book. I work & am trying to make an effort to plan some things with some friends, get back into church and work on my side of the street.

There is going to be many more issues to deal with down the road concerning our son & property but I have time to plan for them and since God has already been showing me the path I know that those things, as huge as they may seem right now, will work out.


One day at a time, thats all I have to do.

Thanks everyone,
Teggie

Ann

Teggie, it sounds like you are on a good path and that your recovery is strong. Indeed, it won't be easy, but it WILL get better one day at a time.

It's been a long road for you, I think the worst is over.

Keeping you and your kids in my prayers.

Hugs

greeteachday

I think those kind of thoughts are natural; we somehow think if we just did something more, we could make the difference. it helps me to remember how many times I did the same things over and over with negative results. i've witnessed how my attempts to shield and protect only prolonged use. I can't change my addicted loved one - I am not that powerful.

You sound strong in your recovery...I'm glad you are starting to find peace.