logbrock

Hi - I have been reading posts for a while now, and have found them helpful.
Have decided to post myself so here goes....

Found out my partner was using drugs appox 5yrs ago (Crack), I had no understanding of drug use or behaviour so it carried on and off for a good while even though we had disscussed it and he said that he would stop. Eventually after a long time of me asking him when it would definately stop etc., he knew he couldn't stay with me and use.
He left me without much notice and after that he wouldnt talk to me and I havent had a conversation with him since, that was 6mths ago.

I bumped into him once and have seen him around maybe 4 times.
I haven't contacted him at all since he left, even though I have wanted to.

Then on New Year's Eve he sent me a text, saying HNY & that he hoped I was alright, to which I didn't reply.
Also this week (Monday) my daughter told me that he called round to the house and asked for me, I had gone on holiday and wasnt there at the time.
I havent contacted him to ask what he wanted, but I feel he may call round again soon.
Not sure what his motives are, and as much as I do want to talk to him Im confused by his behaviour and would like some advice on how I should handle this situation. I still have feelings for him and I know I will get upset.

Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks

CarolD

Welcome to SR.....

I don't want people in my life who upset me.
I think you are wise to let the man go.

All my best to you and your family

cece1960

Welcome Logbrock,
If you think it would upset you, then there is most likely your best answer...don't answer his calls.
He may be doing better, or worse, its anyone's guess, but after this long do you really want to be back in the chaos?

I hope you continue to post...there's a lot of good to be found here.
(((Hugs)))

teke

hi welcome. i'm a recovering crack addict married to an active crack addict of 23yrs. if i could start all over, i would run and not look back. living with addiction is a miserable life to live. my ah would disappear for months at a time then out the blue, here he comes again, and then there i go again, yr after yr. my ah left 2yrs ago, and now he's trying to come back into my life again.

imo, it common for addict to disappear and reapppear at will if you allow it. keep reading, check out the stick at the top of the forum page, "what addicts do". i agree with the others, keep moving forward unless you want to take that chance of going through more of what you've already gone through with this man. jmo

Hunny1116

Hi...and welcome! Just sharing from my own experience. I married a man who was a drug addict, very handsome, very charming, when I was 19. I left him 8 years later with a 5-year old son in tow. My ex introduced my son to drugs and booze when he was 12 years old. They used together until the ex died of an overdose. My son is now 32 years old and still actively using.

My point? I will always regret the choice I made with my first marriage. Think about what kind of person you are choosing to be a father to your children, about how you will feel when he spends money on drugs instead of groceries, about the drug dealers he will bring into your home and your life.

Let him go....unless he finds recovery, you deserve better...

♥
Hunny

hello-kitty

Hi and welcome. I hope you will read a lot around these forums and educate yourself about crack addiction. It's ugly. I used crack for several years and my son's father is a crack addict - nonrecovering. I don't know if he still uses, but he never got help for his problem and even crack-free he still exhibits the same BAD behavior he exhibited when he was using. (Something to keep in mind when dealing with a crack addict who may not be high, but hasn't "changed" inside. Drugs are only a symptom of a much bigger problem.)

It's tough when they come calling after a time. My ex always reappears after a disappearance - He wants to see what kind of emotional or financial support he can get from me. In his sick cracked out mind as long as "normies" will still have contact with him, he's still ok and not "too bad".

Stay safe. I recommend no contact. I recommend not returning his call. And NEVER let a crack addict in your house. You don't know what he wants and they can't be trusted.

logbrock

Thank you for answering my post, I appreciate it.

Cece1960 - I don't want to be back in the chaos. I haven't answered his text or contacted him to see why he visited the house, even though to some degree I wanted to. I still have feelings for him, and I do still miss him.

Hunny1116 - I haven't any children with this man, my 2 daughters are grown up. Have been with him for 20yrs and it's the last 5yrs approx that this has been happening, though he did spend all his money on Crack, he never brought anyone to the house or into my life, I never seen or was around him whilst he was using.
One of the last things I said to him when he left was, if he decides on recovery I would be willing to have contact with him, but he would have to prove this is the case.
And your right I do deserve better.

Teke - I understand the looking back, as sometimes I wish I'd of let go awhile ago, I am now starting to think forward a bit and of myself.

Hello-Kitty - I have read some on here, and it's been helpful.
Not sure what he visited me for really, he has never asked me for anything (not that I would give him anything either now or before).
With not having any contact with him I don't know what is going on in his head.

I think mainly because I am still weak and hurt I don't feel confident about being around him, I suppose I don't want to feel any more wounded than I already feel, so the thought of contact with him does scare me, even though I do also want to see him - crazy I know.
I have been taking one day at a time, but I still do cry alot and think about him and feel sad for the both of us.
So for now I am abit stalemate, and some days or better than others.