Update on my Recovery
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Update on my Recovery
Hello all...
I am on day 16 of being independent from my AH.
I have had mostly okay days, with some good days & poopy days in between. I have had little contact with my AH. The times that I have had contact with Him He has been trying the ole' twistaroo game with me. I can't say that I didn't let it get to Me, and I thank everybody here for helping me understand that it isn't about ME...it's his process in an unhealthy place and he is just gonna have to work it out on his own.
Since I have been working the program and reaching out, I can see how far I have come with myself. Normally , I would have fallen for the "quack quack quack" and he would have been back in the house again. And my tactic would have been "Okay, I know he's using, he's not fessing up...so I'm going to have to catch him." And then once confronted, he will start to sober up. Which in the past used to work....but I realize now he wasn't sober...he was "dry" and there's a big difference.
He's still playing the "Mad at Me" game...and I am starting to wonder if the love he had for me was out of need and not want. It's hard to believe because we enjoyed each other so much...but, it is what it is and I have to start seeing people for what they are and not some fancy illusion I trump them up to be...hard for Me, I'm a Pisces!! A tragic romantic by nature...but I'm on my 3rd relationship with an A...and I realize I just don't want to "fix" anyone, anymore. I will no longer use his addiction as an excuse for his behavior, I need to be treated well no matter what. I deserve that.
So, I will be getting on with my very busy day, heading off to work, paying my very big tax bill...which I proudly accomplished...and getting on with my life. (PS, I actually found myself flirting a little yesterday!)...LOL! Just for fun!
So, it can be done when you're ready...I have been with my A for 10 years (no drop in the bucket) and didn't know how I would be able to not have him in my life....but each day is getting better....I have let myself get "sucked in" a few times...but I'm workin' the program, and have all of you here to help me along the way. I will just focus on today...and try to have a good one.
I am on day 16 of being independent from my AH.
I have had mostly okay days, with some good days & poopy days in between. I have had little contact with my AH. The times that I have had contact with Him He has been trying the ole' twistaroo game with me. I can't say that I didn't let it get to Me, and I thank everybody here for helping me understand that it isn't about ME...it's his process in an unhealthy place and he is just gonna have to work it out on his own.
Since I have been working the program and reaching out, I can see how far I have come with myself. Normally , I would have fallen for the "quack quack quack" and he would have been back in the house again. And my tactic would have been "Okay, I know he's using, he's not fessing up...so I'm going to have to catch him." And then once confronted, he will start to sober up. Which in the past used to work....but I realize now he wasn't sober...he was "dry" and there's a big difference.
He's still playing the "Mad at Me" game...and I am starting to wonder if the love he had for me was out of need and not want. It's hard to believe because we enjoyed each other so much...but, it is what it is and I have to start seeing people for what they are and not some fancy illusion I trump them up to be...hard for Me, I'm a Pisces!! A tragic romantic by nature...but I'm on my 3rd relationship with an A...and I realize I just don't want to "fix" anyone, anymore. I will no longer use his addiction as an excuse for his behavior, I need to be treated well no matter what. I deserve that.
So, I will be getting on with my very busy day, heading off to work, paying my very big tax bill...which I proudly accomplished...and getting on with my life. (PS, I actually found myself flirting a little yesterday!)...LOL! Just for fun!
So, it can be done when you're ready...I have been with my A for 10 years (no drop in the bucket) and didn't know how I would be able to not have him in my life....but each day is getting better....I have let myself get "sucked in" a few times...but I'm workin' the program, and have all of you here to help me along the way. I will just focus on today...and try to have a good one.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Sofa, thank you for posting these threads. I'm going to dig them out and start re-reading them. Detox is about to come for me and I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm ready to get through it! Thanks, you're doing great!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
So, it can be done when you're ready...I have been with my A for 10 years (no drop in the bucket) and didn't know how I would be able to not have him in my life....but each day is getting better....I have let myself get "sucked in" a few times...but I'm workin' the program, and have all of you here to help me along the way. I will just focus on today...and try to have a good one.
The pain of change can be a positive pain that leads to something better than the pain you have been living with. And the pain of change eventually heals.
Hugs
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Originally Posted by Callie 
Sofa, thank you for posting these threads. I'm going to dig them out and start re-reading them. Detox is about to come for me and I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm ready to get through it! Thanks, you're doing great!
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