Enforcing my Boundry, practice makes perfect
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Enforcing my Boundry, practice makes perfect
Here I am posting again, coming out of my lurker mode yet again.
I just enforced my boundry. It was hard but I did it.
I had AH leave the house after Thanksgiving due to his excessive pill use. He was living in the shop out back. On Christmas eve we had a horrific blizzard in which I got stuck in trying to get home to my kids after work. I ended up having to call him for help when I got stranded on the road.
He wound up in a ditch not even a mile out of town and once I finally got my car moving I had to pick up his arse! The storm was so bad that I let him stay in son's room. After a day or two he told me he had quit the meds all together. (He has chronic pain & was on Vicodin, Endocets, Xanax & Ambien). For the first time in a long time he was really sober, his eyes were clear and he was very much a different person.
This lasted for about two weeks. I told him as long as he stayed sober he had a place here but if he started using again he was to leave. He agreed and started (or so he said) going to online meetings, made plans to visit a friend's pastor who has a hx of overcoming drug use. The only drug he took was his antidepressant and blood pressure med.
I began to see signs it was coming four days ago. At first he showed up with a refill of his Flexeril, a mild muscle relaxer because he said the pain was getting so bad. Then came the Elavil which he said helped him sleep and decreased leg pain at night.
Then about four days ago I noted his eyes looking stoned again and the Flexeril rapidly depleting. I called him on it and told him what the consequences were going to be. He got defensive, accusing me and swore he wasn't doing anything wrong. I was just looking for a reason to kick him out yada yada yada....
Two days ago the Flexeril was gone and he called the clinic and got samples of Lyrica. I was working those days and was gone for 13 hours so I didn't really see what was up as he made an effort to not look stoned once I was home. I had suspicions he was taking other stuff he wasn't telling me but wasn't sure. DD stated she was in the kitchen one day and he had come in and was breathing like he was asleep only he was awake. I knew exactly what she was talking about because I have seen it over & over again.
So yesterday he spends the whole day away from the house (I think to avoid me) in the evening I see the pinned pupils and prepare myself for what I need to do. By bedtime he's stoned, I come in to find him passed out in his office chair with his head fallen completley back and seconds from falling over backwards, inbetween bits of sleep and snoring loud respirations he's shoving chips in his mouth & has the jug of laundry detergent in front of him. (WTF???????))
Dumb me asks what has he been taking and he tells me Benedryl. I tell him that won't do that & he argues with me. So I grab my cell to set my alarm and snap some photos of him passed out in his chair.
I tell him to lay down and sleep it off since I fear the safety of others if he got out in that condition.
After stumbling outside to smoke, in which he dumps his drink all over the porch he finally lays down, falls immediatly asleep and proceeds to snore 4 times a minute & wheeze because he prob has chips in his lungs. Hmmm, cell phone can make sound recordings too.
This am he's up at 0600, I'm up soon after to get the kiddos off to school. I can see he's still under the influence but at least he was slightly coherent. I tell him he he is using and he is lying so he has to leave. I tell him he can't stay in the shop, he has to leave the property altogether and I will be shutting off his cell service. I tell him he needs help and until he gets it he has no place here. I took his meds and hid them. He tells me I am crazy, quack quack quack.......
So soon he's packing and now he is gone. But not before asking for his meds, I refused, then asking for 5 dollars which I also refused. Luckily his truck got totaled after another car slid into it while it was in the ditch (it was empty) so it will be paid off by the insurance (no more paying truck payments for me!) and be off my insurance soon.
I'm doing ok, I have come a long way, no bawling or squalling or bemoaning my life. I have a job, a house, a car & kiddos who love me. We may have to make some changes but we are going to be allright.
So I am not perfect, I made a mistake letting him come back and my consequence was having to go through this yet again. But if you do something long enough you get better at it. And I have to beleive I am getting better.
Hugs,
Teggie
I just enforced my boundry. It was hard but I did it.
I had AH leave the house after Thanksgiving due to his excessive pill use. He was living in the shop out back. On Christmas eve we had a horrific blizzard in which I got stuck in trying to get home to my kids after work. I ended up having to call him for help when I got stranded on the road.
He wound up in a ditch not even a mile out of town and once I finally got my car moving I had to pick up his arse! The storm was so bad that I let him stay in son's room. After a day or two he told me he had quit the meds all together. (He has chronic pain & was on Vicodin, Endocets, Xanax & Ambien). For the first time in a long time he was really sober, his eyes were clear and he was very much a different person.
This lasted for about two weeks. I told him as long as he stayed sober he had a place here but if he started using again he was to leave. He agreed and started (or so he said) going to online meetings, made plans to visit a friend's pastor who has a hx of overcoming drug use. The only drug he took was his antidepressant and blood pressure med.
I began to see signs it was coming four days ago. At first he showed up with a refill of his Flexeril, a mild muscle relaxer because he said the pain was getting so bad. Then came the Elavil which he said helped him sleep and decreased leg pain at night.
Then about four days ago I noted his eyes looking stoned again and the Flexeril rapidly depleting. I called him on it and told him what the consequences were going to be. He got defensive, accusing me and swore he wasn't doing anything wrong. I was just looking for a reason to kick him out yada yada yada....
Two days ago the Flexeril was gone and he called the clinic and got samples of Lyrica. I was working those days and was gone for 13 hours so I didn't really see what was up as he made an effort to not look stoned once I was home. I had suspicions he was taking other stuff he wasn't telling me but wasn't sure. DD stated she was in the kitchen one day and he had come in and was breathing like he was asleep only he was awake. I knew exactly what she was talking about because I have seen it over & over again.
So yesterday he spends the whole day away from the house (I think to avoid me) in the evening I see the pinned pupils and prepare myself for what I need to do. By bedtime he's stoned, I come in to find him passed out in his office chair with his head fallen completley back and seconds from falling over backwards, inbetween bits of sleep and snoring loud respirations he's shoving chips in his mouth & has the jug of laundry detergent in front of him. (WTF???????))
Dumb me asks what has he been taking and he tells me Benedryl. I tell him that won't do that & he argues with me. So I grab my cell to set my alarm and snap some photos of him passed out in his chair.
I tell him to lay down and sleep it off since I fear the safety of others if he got out in that condition. After stumbling outside to smoke, in which he dumps his drink all over the porch he finally lays down, falls immediatly asleep and proceeds to snore 4 times a minute & wheeze because he prob has chips in his lungs. Hmmm, cell phone can make sound recordings too.
This am he's up at 0600, I'm up soon after to get the kiddos off to school. I can see he's still under the influence but at least he was slightly coherent. I tell him he he is using and he is lying so he has to leave. I tell him he can't stay in the shop, he has to leave the property altogether and I will be shutting off his cell service. I tell him he needs help and until he gets it he has no place here. I took his meds and hid them. He tells me I am crazy, quack quack quack.......
So soon he's packing and now he is gone. But not before asking for his meds, I refused, then asking for 5 dollars which I also refused. Luckily his truck got totaled after another car slid into it while it was in the ditch (it was empty) so it will be paid off by the insurance (no more paying truck payments for me!) and be off my insurance soon.
I'm doing ok, I have come a long way, no bawling or squalling or bemoaning my life. I have a job, a house, a car & kiddos who love me. We may have to make some changes but we are going to be allright.
So I am not perfect, I made a mistake letting him come back and my consequence was having to go through this yet again. But if you do something long enough you get better at it. And I have to beleive I am getting better.
Hugs,
Teggie
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
TEGGIE, i'm sorry it had to come to this again, but i'm glad to see that you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and your kids. praying better days ahead for you and praying that your ah finds his way to recovery soon.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
So I grab my cell to set my alarm and snap some photos of him passed out in his chair. I tell him to lay down and sleep it off since I fear the safety of others if he got out in that condition.
After stumbling outside to smoke, in which he dumps his drink all over the porch he finally lays down, falls immediatly asleep and proceeds to snore 4 times a minute & wheeze because he prob has chips in his lungs. Hmmm, cell phone can make sound recordings too.
This am he's up at 0600, I'm up soon after to get the kiddos off to school. I can see he's still under the influence but at least he was slightly coherent. I tell him he he is using and he is lying so he has to leave. I tell him he can't stay in the shop, he has to leave the property altogether and I will be shutting off his cell service. I tell him he needs help and until he gets it he has no place here. I took his meds and hid them. He tells me I am crazy, quack quack quack.......
After stumbling outside to smoke, in which he dumps his drink all over the porch he finally lays down, falls immediatly asleep and proceeds to snore 4 times a minute & wheeze because he prob has chips in his lungs. Hmmm, cell phone can make sound recordings too.
This am he's up at 0600, I'm up soon after to get the kiddos off to school. I can see he's still under the influence but at least he was slightly coherent. I tell him he he is using and he is lying so he has to leave. I tell him he can't stay in the shop, he has to leave the property altogether and I will be shutting off his cell service. I tell him he needs help and until he gets it he has no place here. I took his meds and hid them. He tells me I am crazy, quack quack quack.......
I made a mistake letting him come back and my consequence was having to go through this yet again. But if you do something long enough you get better at it. And I have to beleive I am getting better.
Practice does make perfect even in that senario, the more you say "no" to him, the easier it gets. The more you avoid him, the easier it gets. It truly is like putting down a drug of your own, so be aware of withdrawls for yourself. It is a family disease, but have hope you can recover.
The pain at times will bubble up from the deep. We are here for you. Huggs. NH7
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Teggie 
I'm doing ok, I have come a long way, no bawling or squalling or bemoaning my life. I have a job, a house, a car & kiddos who love me. We may have to make some changes but we are going to be allright.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Thanks for the hope guys! I appreciate it!
I am doing pretty well. Just taking care of things I have to do and relaxing with my crew. Arrangments fell into place about getting oldest DD to school and back when I work. I think God is looking out for me. I don't feel so angry, just a little sad but not enough to keep me from doing things I enjoy.
Gonna start reading my Codependant no more book tonight. Looking foreward to it.
He showed up at the door abit ago and needed to get something he forgot. Ugggghhh..... He's still so whacked out he can barely walk. Funny how he swore and ranted he wasn't taking anything, yet I have all his meds and he's still stoned, yup, uh-huh, now hand over your house keys and leave please.....
What is going to be hard is when he sobers up, when he's stoned it's very easy to pass him on by because he's so sickening. But when he's sober, thats when the real battle starts. So I will make it a point to not ever forget what has happened and the damage his addiction has done to us.
I am doing pretty well. Just taking care of things I have to do and relaxing with my crew. Arrangments fell into place about getting oldest DD to school and back when I work. I think God is looking out for me. I don't feel so angry, just a little sad but not enough to keep me from doing things I enjoy.
Gonna start reading my Codependant no more book tonight. Looking foreward to it.
He showed up at the door abit ago and needed to get something he forgot. Ugggghhh..... He's still so whacked out he can barely walk. Funny how he swore and ranted he wasn't taking anything, yet I have all his meds and he's still stoned, yup, uh-huh, now hand over your house keys and leave please.....
What is going to be hard is when he sobers up, when he's stoned it's very easy to pass him on by because he's so sickening. But when he's sober, thats when the real battle starts. So I will make it a point to not ever forget what has happened and the damage his addiction has done to us.
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