bluebella

I Have been posting here for months.........so many of you have reached out and cant imagine how helpful your advice of your own personal experiences with addict hell has helped me get through -this too good to be true love affair that ended it the worst night mare of my life!!!!!!!!!!

a Tiny summary of my hell: met a guy pursued me like crazy,wined dined and literally brainwashed me into believing i was his world. I Was naiive with no clue! of drug addiction or its signs..he cont'd to feed me what i thought was true -promise of a life together,a baby a beautiful future-i was his godess!

He began to disppear, lie..the usual! lists of addict abuse that are posted over and over on this board....

It was like a demon! that took over my soul! he controlled every move i made but in a way that i thought he truely loved me...i fell so hard!!!

he denied any drug use..and red flags continued! and more frequent..
signs became more clear but i turned away ..and hoped for change..he promised to change!

i cant describe to all of you ..how fully drawn into this man i was -like he had A DEMONIC POWER! and he did with alot of people...

i knew this couldnt continue- after over 2 years i resisted and told him he better get help! or i would end it..he pulled the wool over my eyes some more- and one day without ANY DISCUSSION WITHOUT ANY WARNING OR CONVERSATION-he stopped ALL CONTACT - ALL CONTACT! he refused to answer any texts or calls ..i knew in my heart it was done...

he never tried to contact me ever -

THIS IS MY CHALLENGE! i hoped that he would come back! a fantasy i know..clean and wanting a life with me!

well today 7 months later...i found out a woman with two children has moved into his home........a home that we shared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was sickened............how the $#@*& does someone you share a life with for over 2 years - do this! -find a new love! within 2 months -

i get the fact it would never work! he wont get clean! i have healed somewhat and trying to move on with my life- BUT this news made me sick! that he would throw me away like trash..and i am replaced! so quickly

ARE hard core addicts so damaged -the truely have the ability to wipe away ! people in thier lives they have no use for???

is it because i was too straight of an arrow!? that gave him hassles! about using? is it because i was on to him and wasnt useful anymore...?

what would you all say? people in recovery,can i get your input on this?
i know alot of you will say ' DOESNT MATTER..move on' BUT it does..i need to knw why..and i didnt get the answer from him....

set back a few steps.......
help........thank you all for listening

bluebella

atalose

Maybe it has nothing to do with you being a straight arrow, or hassling him to quit or that you were not use full to him. Or your looks or your hair color or your weight or the color of your eyes or how you dress or how much money you make or personality or where you live or your morals and beliefs……………….and it has everything to do with the fact he’s an addict, period. Addict behaviors cannot be explained with logic.

What I sense from your post is allot of blame, he pursued you, he brainwashed you, he made false promises, he controlled your every move…………..I think I might be looking at my own behavior in regards to why I allowed all of that to happen in the first place, what red flags did I ignore, did I ignore my own intuition and what can I do so this pattern doesn’t happen again and I end up hurt and disappointed in my next relationship.

It’s time to focus on YOUR WHY’S not his.

tchappy

You may never know the WHY.

You might want to ask yourself WHY you care? If you read the 1st part of your post..the guy is not a GOOD guy AT ALL! So, why would you care what he is doing? I know you spent 2 yrs and loved him. But, eventually at some point we have to ask ourselves " why would I want someone this awful in my life"?

We deserve better...we deserve the guy that loves us, makes us happy, treats us with respect and wants to have a life with us. You need to tell yourself and BELIEVE it that you deserve better!

Tammy

teke

i kind of have to agree with cynical, not that i'm ruling out that he may like this person but i think he likes his addiction more than anything or anyone right now.

i understand your pain, btdt, but i think it may be your thinking about this that is making you sick too. i don't see it as being thrown away like trash, i see an addict who found what he might think is a more accepting enabler and when that one stop working for him, he'll probably find another one that will or come running back to see if you've changed your mind and is opened to be sucked back in for another round of what you have already began to get through.

whatever the reason is, i think this woman has done you a favor and with kids? i kind of feel sorry for her and her kids. he's taking his addiction and behavior with him. she may not see it yet, and then again maybe she does but do you really want to be in her place, knowing what you know now?

i say keep the focus on you, you and your kids deserve more than he is willing to give. be strong and keep moving forward. life with an active addict gets progressively worse too.

catlovermi

I'd just like to chime in to say that your feelings are valid.

It hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back the same way, or with the same values.

It hurts to feel like you were discarded easily.

I'm sorry you are hurting; your feelings are real.

Sending encouragement as you process through your loss and disentangle the reasons these things came to be.

CLMI

JMFburns

I'd also like to chime in - it is not only addicts that move on with no regard.

My exhusband came from a long line of alcoholics (as did I) and was a very charming, friendly man on the exterior, but (due to my low self esteem to begin with) was able to wrap me in his world and we married after knowing each other only 3 months. (He had just ended a long term relationship.) After we separated and divorced, he left our house to move in with another woman, left her house and married another woman - years later when that marriage fell apart, he immediately picked another woman and married her.

I feel sorry for him that he has never taken the time to get to know himself, work on himself, try to understand what is missing in his life that he can't be alone for a minute. It's kind of sad and the trail of damaged kids is the worst part about it - our two, the
2nd marriages 2 kids and the lady he's with now had 4 of her own that she brought into it that are also being affected.

Just count yourself lucky that you are now able to get to know yourself, build your own identity and get strong in who you are and what you want out of life, relationships and more. Take advantage of this time - IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!!!