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Nothing to do with my AS but would like advice

Old 01-12-2010, 05:17 AM
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Nothing to do with my AS but would like advice

I don't know maybe it's left overs from being so upset with my AS but recently I took a new job as the old was was going away our contract was not being renewd. Well this was a mistake I hate the new job it's just awful. Now I am in a pickle don't know what to do. I think what I am most upset about is my other halfs attitude. No support just says well don't quit till you find something else etc... I, and probably my mistake, always take care of everyone is it really so much to ask that someone take care of me and my feelings for just once. Maybe due to the current situation with AS I'm finally realizeing that hey I have feelings too, I deserve some consideration. Taking day off hoping to regroup and come up with a new plan. Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:18 AM
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Ann
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Support and validation can be more than helpful, and give us the energy to go on.

I think you are half way there, even without the support you so need, because you clearly see that you have made a mistake and you also see that you need some "YOU" time, to regroup and rethink what you'd like to do.

Like you, there came a time when I really really really needed someone, anyone, to just take care of me for a change, even by appearing interested in MY feelings and my dreams and my choices.

I got some of that, but the best I got was when I realized that it all started with me. I didn't need anyone's approval to think what I think, or choose what I choose. I had finally reached that good point in recovery where I was confident in my own choices and values and decisions, even when I stood alone.

Hugs to you because I think you need some, and prayers that this transition will lead you to something good...it often does.

Hugs
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:46 AM
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(((Jacksdaughter))) - I so agree with ((Ann)). I, too, have had times when I just wanted SOMEONE to "be there" for me....to tell me they understood, to give me a break and understand what I was going through.

If I can't find that understanding at home, I know I can come here, and I'm lucky I have a few people in my life that DO understand and I can vent, cry, whine, whatever to and they "get" me.

I also believe that something good will come from this. Take a deep breath, regroup, and look for other options. I am facing having to quit my job of 4-1/2 years in about a month (terms of a lawsuit). Normally, I would be in a total panic, as I don't yet have another job, but thanks to the great people here, I am trusting in HP, doing what I CAN do (looking for other work) and checking out my options. I may still hit that "panic" stage, but I'm hoping I don't...if I do, I know where to come If I have to take a job that isn't what I really want, but pays the bills, I will continue to look for something else. I've got 32 years of work experience, but may end up at McDonald's thanks to my using and the damage I did. I'm in school, but got a ways to go.

Nothing is set in concrete. Today, I am mentally "done" with my current job but have to continue to be there physically until the lawsuit is done and there's a good likelihood I will get no $$ from it, only treatment for the PTSD I got from being robbed. That's okay...that's what I wanted from the get-go.

I don't mean to hijack your thread...just want you to know you're not alone. Times are tough, jobs are scarce, and it's only by the fact that I've been an active member of SR and these wonderful people here have walked with me through struggle after struggle that I am facing this with just a wee bit of excitement.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Big hugs and prayers!!

Amy
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Old 01-12-2010, 10:53 AM
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Originally Posted by jacksdaughter View Post
I think what I am most upset about is my other halfs attitude. No support just says well don't quit till you find something else etc...
We teach others how we want to be treated.

I can't tell you how many times I turned to my husband for emotional support, only to have the same thing happen. Instead of saying something to him, I said it to everyone else.

After a few months of marriage counseling (I went alone), I learned how to say "I need your support right now, not your advice." I had to tell him how I wanted to be supported, and mostly it was just an ear and a hug. Sometimes he did great after that, and other times he regressed. That's when I asked "are you unable, unwilling, or just not interested" in giving support. I still have to ask that question every now and then, and it gets us back on track right away.

I also learned not to wear him out, be more considerate in knowing his limitations and accepting them. I'm good for a one minute rant/whine from others but not much more, so I make sure I don't ask more than what I'm able to give. When I need more time to unburden myself, work through my emotions, I see my therapist for an hour.
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:26 PM
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OMG this place is great all the things I've been thinking. I am so proud of me I came through for once for me. I told my hubby what I needed and are your ready he came though maybe all along I needed to say what I feel and what i need. It took me learning that I am a way big Codie and so in need of acceptance that I have for so long neglected my own feelings and my own needs. It's a start.. tomorrow I am going to leave tis job I hate and hope for the best.. Wish me luck!
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:35 PM
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Wishing you lots of luck and even more pluck
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