hello-kitty

I just thought I'd share that your addict ex may NEVER go away (unless you FORCE THEM TOO) - especially when you have children with them.

My ex "moved" to Montana to live with his mother shortly before Christmas. Well he called last night and said he was moving back. I asked where he planned on living and he said with me... ARGHHH! Ummmh. He really caught me off guard and I engaged him in a conversation about how that would not work out. I should have remembered that "NO" is a complete sentence. Oops. My bad.

This morning I sent a text message saying "I hope you were kidding because you can't stay here. Let me know if you want the telephone number for some local halfway houses."

I also sent a text message to his mother and brother telling them that they can not drop him off at my house. That he cannot stay here because it is too disruptive to me and my son.

Yes. I have already told them (and him) this a million times but it never seems to get through.

Hard to believe this guy is nearing 40 years old. He's like an unwanted teenager or something. Only he's not a teenager. And he's less capable than most teenagers. I wonder what the heck happened to him growing up to make him so incapable of taking care of himself. Or unwilling would be a better word I guess.

NeedingHelp7

Kitty, can I ask you why you even answer his phone calls?

hello-kitty

My four year old asks about his daddy and I don't like to lie to my son and say your daddy never calls you.

NeedingHelp7

Okay....this is what I do......when he calls and you see his # on caller ID, hand the phone to son only then hang up the phone when son is done talking to him.

NeedingHelp7

when I started doing things this way (the phone boundary), AH stopped calling son. You see he really wasn't interested in talking to son. When he brings him home from a visit, he always tells son he'll call him and never does now. So don't be surprised if you do this, he may just stop calling....period.

sofacat

Good one! Nice thinking.

Now repeat after me....

"I....WILL....NOT....OPEN....THE....DOOR."

teke

since you've already told them this many times and they did not listen, do you already have a plan just in case he does show up anyway? i've had to force my ah to stay away, sometimes for yrs and he still kept trying to get to me, even now that he's in prison for a couple of yrs, i kind of expect him to continue to try. so far, i has helped for me to just hand the phone to the kids if and when he calls.

hello-kitty

That's kind of his style. To just show up to visit his son and then never leave. And he's coming out with his mother and his brother-in-law (who, in the past, I have invited for a visit.)

This too shall pass. But I wish he would just stay in Montana. I never dreamed that I would have to deal with the same damn issues year after year. Usually you tell a person once that they can't stay with you, and they get it. But not him. He will push and push and push...

So yeah. Phone straight to his son when he calls. Normally I do this. I just screwed up I guess - ya know. It doesn't normally cause a problem when you ask someone about their Christmas. Those kind of questions don't usually end up with the person telling you they are moving in with you. Guess I needed another reminder of why I aim for no contact.

teke

kitty, you made me laugh, usually people don't try to move in when you ask about their christmas but are we really talking about "normal". btw, my ah's pattern was the same, coming to visit/ wash or pick up clothes or whatever other excuse he could think up, and almost always tried to forget to leave. oh well, time for enforcement.

starrynite

Nope...they never go away. And i'm beginning to think they never get it either.

rayofsunshine

I agree be prepared for him to show up anyway... you have amazing strength...
you will get through this. Stick to your boundaries. (((HUGS)))

MsPINKAcres

Kitty -
way to be strong girl!! hang in there!!

sounds like you are prepared -

Remember "NO" is a complete sentence!!

You don't have to give him any explanation about why he can't stay with you.

The answer is just "NO"

or of course you could do this :rotfxko but sometimes ex AH's don't always pick up on those sarcastic messages!! lol

HUGS,
Rita

painter

You know it took me 45 years to realize that that this is my house and I don't have to answer the door or the phone unless I choose to. This is my life, I choose who I let in it. NOT THEM.

StillLearning1

Kitty-
Did you see cynicals post from yesterday? About the worm coming back?