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We're meeting @ 3PM!!!! Gulp. My AH just called and we both agreed to meet at 3PM today. We have not finalized anything yet, and have some "closure" to deal with. We still "technically" live together, but have been separated. We both need to discuss a plan on our living arrangements and also discuss where we are. Can't and won't just "drop it" after 10 years. I am not like that and need to hold my head up high knowing I did things the way I am proudest of. I pray that these 11 days of working on Me payoff...and I will not go into this meeting with any expectations about him. I also know that this will not "all go away" today...it didn't happen in one day, one get "fixed" in one day. I will know immediately by his "state of mind" whether we will end up having this conversation, or I tell him I changed my mind and I am not ready. I've been writing my "pros" and "cons" list all morning, and moved onto a list of "What I Want In A Relationship"...which I think is the better of all the "lists". :) "Serenity Prayer Here" and the 3 "C"s I remember. Any advice here is good advice, I am a bit nervous. As to be expected. |
I hate those kind of talks, "where we are". I'm not surprised you're nervous. Breathe deeply, try and stay calm and if you need to leave for whatever reason then do. Just be truthful and hopefuly all will go well. Obviously all depending on his state of mind as you said. I hope it all goes "smoothly" and without any drama. good luck, ~Limiya~ |
Hi I just wanted to tell you good luck. Also, stay strong, remember your lists and above all remember everything you have learned about what addicts will say and do to keep the peace and protect their addiction. My prayers are with you. |
Here's my Just for Today: Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it. |
Good luck. I wish I had some advice. Just know that seeing your strength is helping me. |
You are a little different today. Becareful, you've done so well in your codie detox, hate to see you relapse. Guard your heart. Keep things as emotionally as detached as you can. Make sure you have a way of escape if you need one. Hoping for the best. |
Good Luck Sofa - from MY experience, these talks usually yield in me feeling like I"m imagining things, they weren't as bad as they seemed, he's fine. He loves me, lets start over (HUGE one for him to use). I usually get sucked back in. Recently before these talks my prayer has been for Got to make AH transparent to me. For me to be able to see what I need to see. Stay strong and don't expect much from an active addict. Quack, Quack, Quack as Laurie says. Watch the walk and not the talk. Good luck and keep us posted. |
I'll try not to trip over "the duck"!! If he's clean, we'll talk...if he's not, we won't. My gut and his pupils will tell the tale! Oh, and I'm not getting all "dolled" up and not spit shining the house either before he comes!! So, that's new! ;) |
Oh do get all dolled up....let him see what he is missing!!!! |
Oh, he knows what he's missing...but you're right...I did put mascara and lip gloss on. Just enough for me. :) I will not take off my fluffy socks though...NO WAY! |
Oh.... fluffy socks....great!!!! :) |
Good luck Sofacat. Just imagine all of us there with you when he is there. Imagine that each thing he tells you that WE get to judge the BS level not you. |
Do the living arrangements require him to commit to change or are you going to accept him as is/where is? |
Excellent idea Suspicious, I have a list of "remembers that I am going to be looking at while we are talking...I will put that at THE TOP!!!!! And Outtolunch....I cannot make him commit to change, I know that now. I will be able to hear and see "what really is" when he arrives. Either way, we need to stay apart longer. Be here in 8 minutes. Hard to type when palms are sweaty. |
Did I tell you how nice it is to have all of you here? He's here....it's on. ;) ((((( Squeeze ))))) |
Good Luck Sofa. |
sending up a prayer for you |
((squeeze)) --wink-- good luck |
Okay....I'm prayin' |
So he just left. We both agreed that staying apart and him moving out was the best thing for both of us. I will tell you what he said though...lots of "whammy's" in there: He said: "I think that staying here is not a good place for me. I have to figure out why I keep relapsing, and I think something about being here (home) isn't working for Me." "I think that you and I have come to a place where we're just friends, and I only love you that way." "I have been patient with you and have asked you to get help for yourself over the years, but you just kept on doing things your way, on your own." (he said this) "I think we're just going in different directions" "I'm workin' on it. (maintaining that he's been 12 days sober...NOT) "I think that over the years we have just become friends." "I did play a big part in that but I think it's just gotten to a point that we need to go our separate ways." How did I do in all of this? Lots of "okay"'s when I didn't agree with what he was saying... Lots of "well if that is what you need to do to live a sober happy life, than i cannot fault you for that." I did however cry Bu!!sh!t on a few occasions... 1. Neither I or this home is the cause of your relapse, you are the cause of your relapse and not working the program. Period. I asked him...to be clear..."Are you trying to tell me that Me and this house are slippery to you?" **I don't drink or do any drugs BTW. and none are in our home unless he brought them here*** 2. I do not feel you have exhibited the patience and understanding that i have shown you in the past when it comes to your recovery. I needed this time for me, and I feel you have shown me nothing but anger and resentment for it. But that's your way. And I can't change that. 3. I did ask him to not come here to get his things when I wasn't home. 4. I did tell him all of the pets are staying with me. 5. I'm not attached to anything in this house, so I'm not going to argue over who gets what. I want my pets, my clothes, my laptop, my TV, the kitchen stuff and the washer & dryer, and my bed. I did tell him that I love him, and tried to maintain as much patience that I could. Here I have a man who relapsed telling Me all the reasons our relationship isn't working for him. WTF? But as Madea says...."If someone shows you who they are....believe them." I guess I just have to believe all that crap he spewed and try to move on. 10 years. Just like that! gone. I need a minute....this is hard stuff ladies and gentleman and my ego just got knocked around a little bit. |
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