NeedingHelp7

Huggs Sofa, I hope you get a good nights sleep. Concentrate on HP okay.

teke

i agree with needinghelp, it sounds like the ole twisteroo game to me too. emotional manipulation, designed to manipulate you into rethinking and changing your decision. trust me, i've been dumped many many times in the past 23yrs and each time i totally felt like i was gonna fall apart, totally shocked and confused. no sooner than i thought i'd finally be ok and feeling better about his decision to dump me, here he comes again only from a different angle.

it was like my ah had some kind of radar that would go up as soon as i was ok and learning to be at peace without him, like he automatically knew when it was time for him to show up and try some other way to reel me back in.

try not to take much of what he's saying right now too personal. i know it hurts but i honestly think they mostly use the same play books. focus on you and what you plan on doing if/ when he does come back around. i really do want to say, expect it so you won't be caught off guard. jmo

stay strong, you and your family are in my prayers.

sofacat

I know, it's bizarre how these tactics move your brain around.

I was the one who asked HIM to leave....and yet, somehow he's trying to flip it around. He's claiming that he can't live with someone who monitors his every move...which I admit, in the past...I most certainly did. And he's right, he can't live like that, and I most certainly can't live like that...but the issue is being skewed here and the ole twistaroo thing is in play...for sure!

He relapsed and somehow, this is my fault? no, no, no!!

Now, I'm not buying into that BS for one minute ( quack quack )...but I am so bummed that he was so into working the program just a month ago, and now it seems like it's all gone. It just bums me out...and I can't believe he's letting it go this far. He's a grown man for God's sake...but certainly not acting like one.

I really did think he would "catch" himself and reach out sincerely...but he's just hanging on to his "secret" and trying to convince everyone around him he is sober, including his sponsor. Seems like everyone's buying the BS...so sad for him.

I am the only one in his life that can look at him and immediately know whether he's been taking pills or not. He doesn't even have to say anything, or move....I just know...as all of you do as well. We have an extra "sense" of these things, like a super hero power...

In the past, I thought that good for him, and that I was the only one that could "snap him out of it"....which usually worked...but he couldn't stay clean.
Now I know how absolutely bad that is for me, mmmkay? But now I just feel like I have let go of his hand and he is going to sink to the bottom of the ocean.

And yes, I feel rejected. Of course, I am human AND A WOMAN...he is choosing his secret over me....he would rather live "out there" and guard that secret than at home with all of the things that he loves....WHO DOES THAT? Oh, wait...addicts do.

I just don't get it. I just don't.

teke

ok sofa, go ahead and feel rejected but try not to stay there too long. jmo, i think he'd probably rather stay there with you, with his secret but you are standing in the way of that, it not exceptable to you. sounds to me like him and his addictive behavior is being rejected by you. thats another way to see things, i guess.

being a few yrs clean, i know that if i take one hit of my doc, my addiction don't start over but takes up where it left off from when i stopped before and to snap back is very hard to do. i mean all reasoning, program and tools become second nature. its like "i'll start over tomorrow" only it takes tomorrow forever to get there. btw, he secret won't stay that way for long but he may not think so.

i think you are doing great.

Insulated

why do you two need to have any discussion about "where we are"? There is no "we". There's you and an addict. Be strong. I agree, it's the old twisteroo game. Take control of your life. Be inspiring. Did he just break up with you because he relapsed? Yep. Mine did the same thing. 17 times. Begged me to come back. Meh!!! It was the false identity he found in manipulating me that he missed so much, not me! Remind him when he begs you to come back, of how he made it perfectly clear why he broke up with you. Then explain that you wouldn't expect him to spend a nano second with someone so unworthy of him. Then walk out. You CAN do this. We are here to support you. **{hugs}}

Insulated

sofacat...i lived with the same man! He either is the same man ( mine is deceased now) or he reincarnated, jogged over to your house and spewed his crap all over you, or he was cloned! I've heard all this in 3 years. I swear, if you listen to your inner voice recordings, you've been hearing it too for the total 10 years, maybe you just weren't in a position to acknowledge it. My heart is softening for you and I'm sorry, but we are here and willing to support your decisions and life tasks. You are strong and passionate individual that deserves to reciprocate the love you give.