Need Help did something bad
 

I checked my abf phone records and the night he said his phone was dead and had a flat tire he made many calls to a number I called it and had the number in my phone. I quickly realized it was his brothers gf whom is active. I got him and I dont know what to do.... He lied and is using????

(((Cmhcali))) - the choice is yours. Do you want to continue in a relationship with someone you can't trust? Someone you need to check their phone records (most likely because your gut told you something was amiss)?

He's going to do what he's going to do...the question is, what are you willing to tolerate? I don't mean to sound harsh, but when I began recovery of MY addiction, I had to leave XABF behind as he was still using. I didn't want to be with a man I couldn't trust, and I KNEW he was going to protect his addiction at all costs. It hurt, as I still loved him, but it was the best thing for both of us.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

C

This has been going on a while. You know what you need to do.

D

You caught him in a lie (isn't the first time, won't be the last)
He is using (and he will continue to use UNTIL/UNLESS HE hits his rock bottom)
Don't know what to do (maybe hit a Nar-Anon meeting, work on your recovery)

There isn't any thing you can do to change him. But if you are ready you can take control of your life back :)

Hugs,
Passion

You know the score. Confronting him as a method of compelling him to have an aha moment is a waste of time. He is doing what addicts do. You know this.

Take the focus off of him and put it back on where it belongs.

You don't have to DO anything except decide how you want to live your life. Nothing you DO will have any effect on whether he continues to use or not. You already know this.

Just decide - today - how you want to spend the rest of your days and nights.

Thanks for the advice again. It was insanity. I know everyone is right!

Quick question where I was dishonest do you think I should tell him I checked his phone records or just keep it and dont do it again? I know I have decisions to make but I need to know if I should tell him about the phone????

What do You think you should do?
What decision is going to make you feel the best, bottom line.

The decisions you make today are going to determine the type
of life you end up living next month, next year, etc.
Do you want to be living this same type of life in a month, year, etc?
At this moment personally I would not be as worried whether or not I
would tell him this or that, I would be asking myself, what do I need
to do to make my life better tomorrow.
Focus on the big picture as opposed to the little things.
JMO.........

I wouldn't worry about telling him, because it's not going to do any good..he will deny, come up with an excuse, and turn things around on you...try to make YOU the bad guy.

You did it, you found out what you wanted to know, so let it go.

Try to put the focus back on YOU and stop worrying so much about what HE is doing, what HE is going to think about this or that. HE is using...I can TELL you what he's thinking....using more. That's what we A's do. Until he hits bottom, it's going to get worse. As long as he can keep stringing you along, he will drag you down with him.

Please focus on you...he's doing what he wants.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Thanks Impurfect you are right. I am going to do what I want and live my life.

good for you, i agree with impurrfect.