fightingfiance

Today has been a great day but a tough day and i think that things really are moving forward! As I have mentioned before my fiance is addicted to meth and so are his brothers. One of them is in Prision due to his drug use. He has been on parole twice before this time in. The first time he was out 3 months went back to drugs and of course went back to prison he served 2 years and was paroled again. That time out he stayed sober and worked his program for 23 months. Which is very impressive and I was very proud of him for this accomplishment. However the 23rd month hit and he went back to using as did my fiance and 2 of the other boys. Well he had his hearing today. He is working a program while in and the board has decided to give him another parole. At first I thought this was a bad idea. Thought maybe he would need to serve his full sentance. However looking at it now I think this might be best for him. When he gets out he has already agreed to go to rehab which is something he has not done before.

The reason this is so exciting for me really isnt because he is getting out or that he is getting help (Which I am very happy about). The fact that he went to prison reconnected his mom and the mother of his child, my other sister in law and I. We have now created our own little support group. In the past the boys use has been a hush hush sort of thing and allowed them to manipulate us girls. We told a lot of lies and kept a lot of secrets from eachother because "it made things easy" and to be honest we didnt realize the damage it was really causing or that it had anything to do with the boys addictions which we now have realized and told ourselves that THIS WILL BE NO MORE!!!!! I have told them about SR and they hopefully will be joining the family very soon. We have discussed a family intervention of sorts and have each taken steps to take care of ourselves and be happy and have fun with eachother no matter what the boys do. I think this is a huge step for us and I am so thankful that we have been able to do this together and have a support system that really understands because they are there and have seen it with me. We have determined that at the moment our boys are missing and are going to do what we can to find them and tough love is our first step. We all now realize how much we have truly been manipulated by them and will stand for it no longer. I just wanted to share what I feel is a huge step in OUR recovery. We are addicts too lol we are addicted to our addicts and are now on the way to creating a better life for ourselves

Impurrfect

(((Fightingfiance)))

I'm glad you have found support. I do want to say, though, that when they go missing, I wouldn't try to "find them". Instead, focus on YOU and what YOU need. If they're missing, they are most likely doing drugs and don't WANT to be found. By looking for them, you are putting the focus on them, and it isn't going to do any good...it isn't going to change anything.

I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie. I know that when my dad would come looking for me when I was using, most of the time I would allow him to take me to lunch, then drop me back off on the streets and he would drive that 1-1/2 hours back home, but I know once, I hid from him. I had no intention of quitting, at that time.

It IS good that you have support, but please try to keep the focus on YOU and not so much on "the boys" and what they are doing. If they are using, they're doing what addicts do, and nothing you do is going to change that, other than setting boundaries that you can stick to. Even that may not change things, but at least it may get you away from having a front row seat to the chaos of addiction.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

teke

i totally agree and i'm glad you all have found support for yourselves. i'm A ra and my ah was still active until he recently found his way back to prison for the 2nd time.(all county jail time not included). keep the focus on you and i'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

outtolunch

If you are into tough love an all that, perhaps you might reconsider putting any effort into finding them. They will surface when their money is gone.

Locating them and giving them a dose of tough love sounds like an attempt to control them and gives all of you a front seat to their addiction. Tough love and all that, implies letting go and not allowing their behavior to alter your own emotional state. That's the way to not allow yourselves to become manipulated by all of it. Why not go out for pizza, instead?

Good to hear that you have a support network. Best wishes for your recovery.

As an aside,just curious... is there a reason why you refer to them as boys? It sounds a little bit like "boys will be boys" and all that. Know what I mean?

fightingfiance

sorry should have been a little more clear about the missing thing i meant it figurativly they are still sround just lost in their addictions another one of the brothers got arrested last night and could be gone for a while he could be bailed out however we decided not to. He needs the hit to reality and thats what I meant by the tough love we are going to be there but not in the way we have in the past. We are here if they want us here and are willing to accept what we have to offer if not then we will go on with our lives my fiance agreed last night to seek out counsiling and join this web site for some help.

rayofsunshine

Letting them suffer the consequences to their actions (not bailing them out) is the most
loving thing you can do.

hope213

i hope your boys come home & all do well. there is always the chance that one or all of them will relapse. work your program. get your tools together & read & learn everything there is to learn. prayers for all of u.

fightingfiance

Really its just becausse there are 5 of them all together its easier then saying names especially when they are together most of the time