wanted to say Hey!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: huntington wv
Posts: 46
wanted to say Hey!
Hey all, I've been posting a little, figured I'd better share my story...
I met the addict in my life three and a half years ago. I knew he drank and smoked pot when we got together, but as our relationship progressed, he got worse. I knowI was a toll for him. I have a steady job, a good income, and a home. those were things neither he nor anyone in his family had then, or have now for that matter. he moved in, and continued to get worse. once he was here, it was impossible to get rid of him. we would fight, he would make promises ( which I learned wuickly not to buy), we'd make up, then the whole thing would star all over again. Same old story. He prgressed from banging his head into things when he was angry/drunk.high on pills (pot didn't have that effect on him) to puching doors and walls, to pushing me. He is so mean and so irrational when he's high/drunk that there is no point being around him. I tried for months to get him to move out, and it finally came down to having the cops put him out. I had a restraining order, and we spoke a little in the ensuing months. he maintained he loved me, and kept telling me he was clean. I did not believe him. I saw him at his sisters gradutaion in may (she also lived with us for about 6 months because of her mothers drug use and lack of electricity and food) and he seemed different. he didn't try to talk to me. in july, we started talking again, and I sgreed to see him. We spent a weekend together when my kids were at their dads. Friday was great, saturday evening he started in...wanted to get back together. I told him that couldn't happen because of everthing that had happened. he started yelling, calling me a crazy bitch, etc. (I"m sure most of you have heard it allll before) he even went so far as to try to jump out of my car at 60 mph. What was funny is I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking over his shoulder to see if I was watching him. I dropped him off and changed my phone number.
Fast forward about four months, I hear he was arrested for assualt. Apparently he drank an entire litre of wild turkey and beat the crap out of the old woman that had taken him in after he pissed his family off so badly that none of them would take him in. He spent a couple of weeks in county jail, then he was put on house arrest. I went to see him and we ended up talking and sort of proviaionally getting back together. I told him I understood he has a disease, that what he did was absolutely horrible, but he would suffer the consequences. I agreed to support him in recovery. He was doing really well, until a couple of things happened. The first one was the woman he assaulted agreed to drop the charges. the second was he came to visit me at my house. The first weekend he was here he got into my xanax (I am prescribed them but don't take them often, so I have a lot of them in the house) I had hidden them but he went looking for him. We went to see a movie and he passed out almost immediatley after slurring around and making no sense and dropping everything he picked up. After the movie we fought. I realize now the main reason we fought was because I was trying to get him to tell me the truth, when I already knew the truth. He was gonna lie. I realize that now, but at the time I wanted him to admit it to me. I took him home after a four hour fight to convince him to leave. got the same old I'll never do it again blah blah. I told him I understood sli ups happen, and I would continue to support him. He went to a meeting, he stgarted reading the big book, then he came back to my house. I tested him (I told that story in another thread) h\then he used not just once, but twice the next day. I once again made him leave, but this time it was worse. much worse. He wanted me to buy him cigarettes and got mad when I wouldnt. he wanted me to drop him at a friends house, and I told him no I would take him home. He wanted me to stop at another friends and I did, the he wanted me to take his clothes to where he was staying. I told him no I wasn't his personal taxi. He supposedly wanted to visit this friend because he just found out he has cancer. I know what he was doing.
So anyway, he went back, I got him out of the car, and he wanted me to roll the window down, thratened to break it, help on to my mirror as I was driving away. I haven't spoken to him since. I'm not cutting off communication completely yet, but I want to SEE him do these things he says he's going to do (go to meetings, get counseling, get some education, etc.) I'm just so tired of this. I told him he may need to accept that I am a trigger, and maybe we shouldn't be around each other for while.
So, I'm here, I go to an alanon chat, I read as much as I can about codependency and enabling, I try to take care of myself. He won't get better until he wants to, and I'm not going to sit around and wait for that to happen. Doesn't change the fact that I love him, but I love ME too.
Sorry for the book. Thanks for reading!
I met the addict in my life three and a half years ago. I knew he drank and smoked pot when we got together, but as our relationship progressed, he got worse. I knowI was a toll for him. I have a steady job, a good income, and a home. those were things neither he nor anyone in his family had then, or have now for that matter. he moved in, and continued to get worse. once he was here, it was impossible to get rid of him. we would fight, he would make promises ( which I learned wuickly not to buy), we'd make up, then the whole thing would star all over again. Same old story. He prgressed from banging his head into things when he was angry/drunk.high on pills (pot didn't have that effect on him) to puching doors and walls, to pushing me. He is so mean and so irrational when he's high/drunk that there is no point being around him. I tried for months to get him to move out, and it finally came down to having the cops put him out. I had a restraining order, and we spoke a little in the ensuing months. he maintained he loved me, and kept telling me he was clean. I did not believe him. I saw him at his sisters gradutaion in may (she also lived with us for about 6 months because of her mothers drug use and lack of electricity and food) and he seemed different. he didn't try to talk to me. in july, we started talking again, and I sgreed to see him. We spent a weekend together when my kids were at their dads. Friday was great, saturday evening he started in...wanted to get back together. I told him that couldn't happen because of everthing that had happened. he started yelling, calling me a crazy bitch, etc. (I"m sure most of you have heard it allll before) he even went so far as to try to jump out of my car at 60 mph. What was funny is I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking over his shoulder to see if I was watching him. I dropped him off and changed my phone number.
Fast forward about four months, I hear he was arrested for assualt. Apparently he drank an entire litre of wild turkey and beat the crap out of the old woman that had taken him in after he pissed his family off so badly that none of them would take him in. He spent a couple of weeks in county jail, then he was put on house arrest. I went to see him and we ended up talking and sort of proviaionally getting back together. I told him I understood he has a disease, that what he did was absolutely horrible, but he would suffer the consequences. I agreed to support him in recovery. He was doing really well, until a couple of things happened. The first one was the woman he assaulted agreed to drop the charges. the second was he came to visit me at my house. The first weekend he was here he got into my xanax (I am prescribed them but don't take them often, so I have a lot of them in the house) I had hidden them but he went looking for him. We went to see a movie and he passed out almost immediatley after slurring around and making no sense and dropping everything he picked up. After the movie we fought. I realize now the main reason we fought was because I was trying to get him to tell me the truth, when I already knew the truth. He was gonna lie. I realize that now, but at the time I wanted him to admit it to me. I took him home after a four hour fight to convince him to leave. got the same old I'll never do it again blah blah. I told him I understood sli ups happen, and I would continue to support him. He went to a meeting, he stgarted reading the big book, then he came back to my house. I tested him (I told that story in another thread) h\then he used not just once, but twice the next day. I once again made him leave, but this time it was worse. much worse. He wanted me to buy him cigarettes and got mad when I wouldnt. he wanted me to drop him at a friends house, and I told him no I would take him home. He wanted me to stop at another friends and I did, the he wanted me to take his clothes to where he was staying. I told him no I wasn't his personal taxi. He supposedly wanted to visit this friend because he just found out he has cancer. I know what he was doing.
So anyway, he went back, I got him out of the car, and he wanted me to roll the window down, thratened to break it, help on to my mirror as I was driving away. I haven't spoken to him since. I'm not cutting off communication completely yet, but I want to SEE him do these things he says he's going to do (go to meetings, get counseling, get some education, etc.) I'm just so tired of this. I told him he may need to accept that I am a trigger, and maybe we shouldn't be around each other for while.
So, I'm here, I go to an alanon chat, I read as much as I can about codependency and enabling, I try to take care of myself. He won't get better until he wants to, and I'm not going to sit around and wait for that to happen. Doesn't change the fact that I love him, but I love ME too.
Sorry for the book. Thanks for reading!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Try to go to meetings and working the 12 steps of al-anon with a sponsor.
It'll change your life in way you can't even imagine.
It did for me. The 12 steps are the best "blueprint" I have ever had for life.
It has made me a better mate, friend, parent, peer, etc.
Focus on what you have control...yourself.
It'll change your life in way you can't even imagine.
It did for me. The 12 steps are the best "blueprint" I have ever had for life.
It has made me a better mate, friend, parent, peer, etc.
Focus on what you have control...yourself.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i think you are on the right track by detaching from him and his addiction. keep reading here and posting. in my opinion, he sounds kind of dangerous and his abuse will probably get progressively worse. beating up and old lady? not a good sign for a loving boyfriend, addicted or not. i think you deserve so much more. please focus on the kind of relationship you want for the rest of your life and keep safe.
question: what advice would you give your sister if it was her in this situation? just something to think about.
question: what advice would you give your sister if it was her in this situation? just something to think about.
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