I'm not co-dependant....
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
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I'm not co-dependant....
I'll be honest, I've read all the books, and I'm not getting it. Furthermore, I've been to a therapist for two years, who indeed agrees, that I have NO tendencies of a 'codependent' person, and as a former addict (22yrs clean), has struggles of his own about co-dependency issues... (whether they actually exist). Etc.
If I must leave SR, so be it. But on the very few times, I try to help others, (instead of trying to learn), I get pounced on.
whatever.
Here's the bottom line. I have my boundries. I KNOW that if my bf stole money from me, or used needles, I'd be gone. Period. I know if he knocked me around, and sent me to the hospital, I'd be gone. Period. I'm not going allow anyone to tell me what I KNOW would be my truth. Furthermore, others here on SR, P.m. me and say the same, then they act differently in front of the seen posts..... whatever. If you all want to lable yourselves, fine. I'm not buying it.
Heres the thing.... the checklist. (of co-dependancy), none of them fit ME. I don't have trouble saying NO! I don't need aid others to gather a sense of self. I don't feel responsible for others issues, or failures. I Just seriously don't get it.
I do know, that I ended up 2 yrs ago with a boyfriend with a pill friggin problem, and I thought this would be a place to 'help' me. Apparently I was wrong. Instead, I have found that everything here must be black and white, and I HAVE to lable MYSELF co-dependant, Because HE friggin USED DRUGS and I didn't know how to deal with it.
Well, I do know. AND I AM doing something about it. Sorry I used up all of your time, in the interm, and I'll perhaps let you know how it went in the future. However, I will not be writing to you all claiming I was co-dependant. Furthermore, how far are we really taking that issue...??? Is everything we ask for in a relationship Needy? Because we are co-dependant? Please. Give me a break. Where is normalcy? THere are things we SHOULD ask for in our relationships. Gosh. It's makeing my mind go in circles right now.
How about this....
if we have insight to share... share it.
If not --- don't.
everyone is different, and we all don't have to be co-dependant.
Love,
Cess
If I must leave SR, so be it. But on the very few times, I try to help others, (instead of trying to learn), I get pounced on.
whatever.
Here's the bottom line. I have my boundries. I KNOW that if my bf stole money from me, or used needles, I'd be gone. Period. I know if he knocked me around, and sent me to the hospital, I'd be gone. Period. I'm not going allow anyone to tell me what I KNOW would be my truth. Furthermore, others here on SR, P.m. me and say the same, then they act differently in front of the seen posts..... whatever. If you all want to lable yourselves, fine. I'm not buying it.
Heres the thing.... the checklist. (of co-dependancy), none of them fit ME. I don't have trouble saying NO! I don't need aid others to gather a sense of self. I don't feel responsible for others issues, or failures. I Just seriously don't get it.
I do know, that I ended up 2 yrs ago with a boyfriend with a pill friggin problem, and I thought this would be a place to 'help' me. Apparently I was wrong. Instead, I have found that everything here must be black and white, and I HAVE to lable MYSELF co-dependant, Because HE friggin USED DRUGS and I didn't know how to deal with it.
Well, I do know. AND I AM doing something about it. Sorry I used up all of your time, in the interm, and I'll perhaps let you know how it went in the future. However, I will not be writing to you all claiming I was co-dependant. Furthermore, how far are we really taking that issue...??? Is everything we ask for in a relationship Needy? Because we are co-dependant? Please. Give me a break. Where is normalcy? THere are things we SHOULD ask for in our relationships. Gosh. It's makeing my mind go in circles right now.
How about this....
if we have insight to share... share it.
If not --- don't.
everyone is different, and we all don't have to be co-dependant.
Love,
Cess
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Its funny that you posted this right now as I am currently reading "Codependent No More."
The definition of codependency (from the book) is quoted as:
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
Cess I am sorry that you are feeling this way today. And I am not trying to touche' your post here. I am just listing the definition of codependency. If it doesnt fit you maybe you are right.
I also would like to include the following paragraph from the same book. If this doesnt help you maybe it will help someone else.
"Have you ever seen someone who is obsessed with someone or something? That person can talk about nothing else, can think of nothing else. Even if he appears to be listening when you talk, you know that person doesnt hear you. His mind is tossing and turning, crashing and banging, around and around on an endless race-track of compulsive thought. He is preoccupied. He relates whatever you say, no matter how unrelated it actually is, to the object of his obsession. He says the same things, over and over, sometimes changing the wording slightly, sometimes using the same words. Nothing you say makes any difference. Even telling him to stop doesnt help. He probably would if he could. The problem is he cant (at that moment). He is bursting with the jarring energy that obsession is made of. He has a problem or a concern that is not only bothering him-it is controlling him."
"Codependent No More" Melody Bettie pg 59.
If this has happened to any of you (anyone who may read this post) you might be codependent.
The definition of codependency (from the book) is quoted as:
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
Cess I am sorry that you are feeling this way today. And I am not trying to touche' your post here. I am just listing the definition of codependency. If it doesnt fit you maybe you are right.
I also would like to include the following paragraph from the same book. If this doesnt help you maybe it will help someone else.
"Have you ever seen someone who is obsessed with someone or something? That person can talk about nothing else, can think of nothing else. Even if he appears to be listening when you talk, you know that person doesnt hear you. His mind is tossing and turning, crashing and banging, around and around on an endless race-track of compulsive thought. He is preoccupied. He relates whatever you say, no matter how unrelated it actually is, to the object of his obsession. He says the same things, over and over, sometimes changing the wording slightly, sometimes using the same words. Nothing you say makes any difference. Even telling him to stop doesnt help. He probably would if he could. The problem is he cant (at that moment). He is bursting with the jarring energy that obsession is made of. He has a problem or a concern that is not only bothering him-it is controlling him."
"Codependent No More" Melody Bettie pg 59.
If this has happened to any of you (anyone who may read this post) you might be codependent.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
If I must leave SR, so be it.
...I'm confused, is there a rule on SR that states unless you're codependent you can't be here? I don't remember reading that, but I'm kinda new around these parts.
Hey Cessy..."Whatever get you up for the game." ya know? If you have no prob executing boundaries, I think a lot of us could benefit from knowing how "detached" people think.... I for one, would. (sorry for the label.)
I have been separated from my AH for 6 days now because my boundaries were "firmly" in place...but it took me 10 years to get here! And it seems like the longest 6 days of my life! One: because I AM codependent, I'm cool with that and workin' it out....AND
2: because I just miss him so much. And that's okay too.
It is what it is, we are who we are.
I've read your posts... I,for one, like the way you think.
So my question to you is, why are you letting other people's opinions bother you so much?
...I'm confused, is there a rule on SR that states unless you're codependent you can't be here? I don't remember reading that, but I'm kinda new around these parts.
Hey Cessy..."Whatever get you up for the game." ya know? If you have no prob executing boundaries, I think a lot of us could benefit from knowing how "detached" people think.... I for one, would. (sorry for the label.)
I have been separated from my AH for 6 days now because my boundaries were "firmly" in place...but it took me 10 years to get here! And it seems like the longest 6 days of my life! One: because I AM codependent, I'm cool with that and workin' it out....AND
2: because I just miss him so much. And that's okay too.
It is what it is, we are who we are.
I've read your posts... I,for one, like the way you think.
So my question to you is, why are you letting other people's opinions bother you so much?
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
I also would like to include the following paragraph from the same book. If this doesnt help you maybe it will help someone else.
"Have you ever seen someone who is obsessed with someone or something? That person can talk about nothing else, can think of nothing else. Even if he appears to be listening when you talk, you know that person doesnt hear you. His mind is tossing and turning, crashing and banging, around and around on an endless race-track of compulsive thought. He is preoccupied. He relates whatever you say, no matter how unrelated it actually is, to the object of his obsession. He says the same things, over and over, sometimes changing the wording slightly, sometimes using the same words. Nothing you say makes any difference. Even telling him to stop doesnt help. He probably would if he could. The problem is he cant (at that moment). He is bursting with the jarring energy that obsession is made of. He has a problem or a concern that is not only bothering him-it is controlling him."
"Have you ever seen someone who is obsessed with someone or something? That person can talk about nothing else, can think of nothing else. Even if he appears to be listening when you talk, you know that person doesnt hear you. His mind is tossing and turning, crashing and banging, around and around on an endless race-track of compulsive thought. He is preoccupied. He relates whatever you say, no matter how unrelated it actually is, to the object of his obsession. He says the same things, over and over, sometimes changing the wording slightly, sometimes using the same words. Nothing you say makes any difference. Even telling him to stop doesnt help. He probably would if he could. The problem is he cant (at that moment). He is bursting with the jarring energy that obsession is made of. He has a problem or a concern that is not only bothering him-it is controlling him."
Cessy, I'm not sure exactly what has happened, but I truly hope you don't leave.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
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The word codependancy came out many years ago The context created and understood of codependancy was only for the spouse of an alcoholic/drug addict, nothing and no one else....but look what has happened.
Read this article in it's entirety to get the jist....very interesting.
How the Co-dependency Movement Is Ruining Marriages
This man has owned and operated over 10 chemical dependancy treatment centers.
I remember reading this article 3 years ago, his words still ring in my ears to this day concerning
any addict not recovering or serious about recovery....his words .... "Run For Cover!!"
Read this article in it's entirety to get the jist....very interesting.
How the Co-dependency Movement Is Ruining Marriages
This man has owned and operated over 10 chemical dependancy treatment centers.
I remember reading this article 3 years ago, his words still ring in my ears to this day concerning
any addict not recovering or serious about recovery....his words .... "Run For Cover!!"
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
W ow....good article. My Mom was code and I learned it from her. I AM ALL OF THE ABOVE....A TRIPLE WINNER....ALCODEPENDENTCODAHOLIC. I have always broken the rules. I always like what you share Cessy. I need your experience strength and hope.
Nature Girl
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Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Cessy, I'm not sure what has upset you, but please know you are as welcome here as any member and your input has been inspiring.
Not all here are codependent. Some come here in crisis with a loved one's addiction, work through it and leave...quite ready to move on in life and having found their balance again. Some come to learn more about addiction and living with someone who is addicted, and they learn and move on also (move on from SR, not necessarily from the addict).
Some, like myself, clearly see ourselves in every description ever given on codependency, and know that we are codependent and sick right to the very soul. I know I was when I came and still am but today have a much better way of living with it and not letting it control my life or relationships.
"Normal" people are still upset about problems in life, but they can work through them and keep going a little wiser for the experience. Codependents like me, have deeply rooted issues going back to childhood in some cases, that peaked when exposed to the addiction of a loved one. I can honestly say, my codependency almost killed me, literally.
We are here for all of us/you. We are here to share how it was or is for us, where we came from, what we did about it and how we are today...commonly called sharing our experience, strength and hope.
We're here for you, Cassy, good days and bad. Regardless of why life has thrown you a crisis, regardless of how you choose to take care of it, and regardless of whether you get past the problem or not...we are here to walk beside you.
We're not all the same. What comes easy to one of us can be hugely difficult for others. If we were all the same, we wouldn't be able to help each other much, there would be one problem and one solution.
It helps me, when a newcomer walks in, to remember how it was for me when I was new to recovery. That gives me patience and compassion for how they feel today. And hopefully by sharing what worked for me, will help them find a better way to live. That's what this program is all about, one codie or person who has experienced the pain of addiction helping another.
All are welcome here, whether they are codependent or not. Living with addiction affects each one of us differently and and only we ourselves can decide if we are truly codependent or just walking through the pain of loving an addict.
I hope you will reconsider and continue to walk with us. The choice is yours, of course, and whatever you choose I can only wish you good days ahead and many blessings in life.
Hugs
Not all here are codependent. Some come here in crisis with a loved one's addiction, work through it and leave...quite ready to move on in life and having found their balance again. Some come to learn more about addiction and living with someone who is addicted, and they learn and move on also (move on from SR, not necessarily from the addict).
Some, like myself, clearly see ourselves in every description ever given on codependency, and know that we are codependent and sick right to the very soul. I know I was when I came and still am but today have a much better way of living with it and not letting it control my life or relationships.
"Normal" people are still upset about problems in life, but they can work through them and keep going a little wiser for the experience. Codependents like me, have deeply rooted issues going back to childhood in some cases, that peaked when exposed to the addiction of a loved one. I can honestly say, my codependency almost killed me, literally.
We are here for all of us/you. We are here to share how it was or is for us, where we came from, what we did about it and how we are today...commonly called sharing our experience, strength and hope.
We're here for you, Cassy, good days and bad. Regardless of why life has thrown you a crisis, regardless of how you choose to take care of it, and regardless of whether you get past the problem or not...we are here to walk beside you.
We're not all the same. What comes easy to one of us can be hugely difficult for others. If we were all the same, we wouldn't be able to help each other much, there would be one problem and one solution.
It helps me, when a newcomer walks in, to remember how it was for me when I was new to recovery. That gives me patience and compassion for how they feel today. And hopefully by sharing what worked for me, will help them find a better way to live. That's what this program is all about, one codie or person who has experienced the pain of addiction helping another.
All are welcome here, whether they are codependent or not. Living with addiction affects each one of us differently and and only we ourselves can decide if we are truly codependent or just walking through the pain of loving an addict.
I hope you will reconsider and continue to walk with us. The choice is yours, of course, and whatever you choose I can only wish you good days ahead and many blessings in life.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Cessy: I gotta get on board with you on this one too. When i get on other web sites dealing with family issues (esp. the Catholic ones) i find lots of people who have dealt with drug/alcohol abuse in a matter-of-fact way and only got sucked into it minimally. And, to be honest, i gotta agree with the poster above who made the statement that the best wisdom is to RUN!! from any relationship with active/untreated addiction.
And just because a person finds they have gotten into a relationship with someone who is actively using does not mean they are co-dependent. People can get into relationships like that just because of naivety. I think the telling element in that case is that the person stays in that relationship thinking things are going to get better for whatever reason.
The thing about this site is that we're helping each other with the alcohol/drug problems of a loved one as well as our own inability to see the best "next right thing to do." I myself try to stay away from the threads where the person is sucked in to a deeper level than me - but i still need the ESH of others whose path is similar to mine. I have noticed that a huge amount of people pull away from this site when their loved one seeks recovery or when a separation/divorce/etc happens. I assume i'll be one of those people some day, too.
So what happened with you that you started this thread?
And just because a person finds they have gotten into a relationship with someone who is actively using does not mean they are co-dependent. People can get into relationships like that just because of naivety. I think the telling element in that case is that the person stays in that relationship thinking things are going to get better for whatever reason.
The thing about this site is that we're helping each other with the alcohol/drug problems of a loved one as well as our own inability to see the best "next right thing to do." I myself try to stay away from the threads where the person is sucked in to a deeper level than me - but i still need the ESH of others whose path is similar to mine. I have noticed that a huge amount of people pull away from this site when their loved one seeks recovery or when a separation/divorce/etc happens. I assume i'll be one of those people some day, too.
So what happened with you that you started this thread?
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Posts: 852
Originally Posted by Ann 
"Normal" people are still upset about problems in life, but they can work through them and keep going a little wiser for the experience. Codependents like me, have deeply rooted issues going back to childhood in some cases, that peaked when exposed to the addiction of a loved one. I can honestly say, my codependency almost killed me, literally.
In NO WAY am I claiming to be "normal", just for the record. I have huge issues w/ anxiety/panic disorder, I know I'm not "Normal". Just wanted to clear that up in case it came off that way.
Furthermore, I want you and everyone to know, that perhaps I got a little more upset last night than usual, because my daughter left Saturday to go overseas. (a semester abroad).
Although she is normally 'away' at college, (3hrs by plane), this is so very different. She is in another country, 10 hrs by plane. I don't even have a passport. I'm thrilled that she is living her life, I couldn't be more proud. In fact, I pushed her to become a carefree, independant, strong-willed woman, her whole life. Now that she had done, exactly how I prayed she'd be..... it devestates me.
This has forced me to look at the choices I've made, and how empty my current relationship is.
In addition, it has caused me to go back to really reading about co-dependancy, and tried to 'figure' ME out. I just can't see it. I DO aknowledge that there must be 'something' wrong w/me to have stayed in a relationship that is unsatisfying... but I have hope that this will change.
I wonder how satisfied I was in this relationship (prior) to his pill addiction. I think Hello-kitty posted something to another member yesterday about a list of yes and no questions about her relationship. I answered those questions for myself as well.
I have justified staying in this relationship, because he hasn't 'crossed MY line' yet, (where I wrote about stealing, beating, money, loss of job, jail, or needles).... but none-the-less, his addiction causes him to be happy guy one day, and withdrawn and depressed guy another. THIS ALONE, causes me great discontent, because I feel the 'emotion' in our relationship is not authentic.... it's dependant on whether he is high or not, and THAT ALONE is not good enough for me.
Lastly, when someone is under the influence of drugs, they lie. At least my 'a' lies about it. Again, this too is enough for me. The foundations of a relationship are built on trust. For me, I can not allow him to lie to me about taking /not taking drugs and then 'believe' him in other areas of my life.
Those are the reasons I kept trying to label myself co-dependant, and yet I don't ever seem to fit anyother criteria. I even laughed about co-dependants be 'great employees', because they never want to rock the boat, and want to please peple. Yea, not me. I've always been the employee who challenges the boss, and can actually 'butt heads' with people, because I stand up for myself, and demand equality and respect.
Somehow, I find myself here. Somhow, I find myself in this relationship, which brought me here. And I believe somehow, I will find my way out.
In the meantime, I do want to say that everyone here has been of great help to me. In addition, if anyone knew how bad it hurt, to let my daughter go.... you might understand why I was extra frustrated/sensitive/ etc. last night.
Thank you for your understanding here.
Love and hugs to all.
Cessy
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Been there done that with college-age children going away. I have 3 young adult children. The only one to stay in the area is the addicted one whom i have no contact with by my choice.
The other two moved away. One of them loves the idea of moving far away. He too has been overseas on several occasions, once for a 3-month stint in a Middle Eastern country with a religious organization considered illegal in the country he was staying in. His first job after college was 8 hours away. His second job is 16 hours away. Being the opposite gender of me, he's not real excited about me visiting. He comes home twice a year and is not one to talk on the phone.
The other son went to college 10 hours away. He took internships in the summer 5 hours away and then 16 hours away. His first job out of college was 15 hours away. His current job is 'ONLY' 6 hours away. Think of that - the closest normal child is 6 hours away and i think that's a blessing!!
Here's a link to a song by Michael W. Smith where he tackles this very subject. Even though it is about his daughter getting married, it is also what we are dealing with.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNe59...=youtube_gdata
But be prepared to cry.
The other two moved away. One of them loves the idea of moving far away. He too has been overseas on several occasions, once for a 3-month stint in a Middle Eastern country with a religious organization considered illegal in the country he was staying in. His first job after college was 8 hours away. His second job is 16 hours away. Being the opposite gender of me, he's not real excited about me visiting. He comes home twice a year and is not one to talk on the phone.
The other son went to college 10 hours away. He took internships in the summer 5 hours away and then 16 hours away. His first job out of college was 15 hours away. His current job is 'ONLY' 6 hours away. Think of that - the closest normal child is 6 hours away and i think that's a blessing!!
Here's a link to a song by Michael W. Smith where he tackles this very subject. Even though it is about his daughter getting married, it is also what we are dealing with.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNe59...=youtube_gdata
But be prepared to cry.
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Awe Cess,
I'm sorry you are hurting and I would be too if my daughter left for a far away place. I'm sure you are proud of her and want only whats best for her but darn it, does it have to hurt?
As far as the codie role, I've said here befroe that I don't fit most of the profile either, with the exception of my relationship with my AS.
I can say though, that this dysfunctional relationship with him could have led me to be different than the person I've always been. I began to let alot slide as far as my courage to speak up, my confidence and my determination in other areas of my life.
I may not be a codie by definition, but coming here helped me not to become one.
All that I know is, no one checked my ID at the door, and I needed no secret handshake to get in
(((Hugs)))
I'm sorry you are hurting and I would be too if my daughter left for a far away place. I'm sure you are proud of her and want only whats best for her but darn it, does it have to hurt?
As far as the codie role, I've said here befroe that I don't fit most of the profile either, with the exception of my relationship with my AS.
I can say though, that this dysfunctional relationship with him could have led me to be different than the person I've always been. I began to let alot slide as far as my courage to speak up, my confidence and my determination in other areas of my life.
I may not be a codie by definition, but coming here helped me not to become one.
All that I know is, no one checked my ID at the door, and I needed no secret handshake to get in
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Cess -
I can somewhat relate to this post. I read CD no more. Though I related to it ALOT I simply didn't fit all of the categories. With her books she almost always says that codies come from addict families. ABSOLUTELY not true with me. I am not submissive in ANY way with my AH. I have NO problem standing up for myself. It takes a while to get me going, but once I'm there I have no problem with confrontation.
The things that my AH has done to me do NOT leave me cowering/wimpering in a corner. I've learned to turn that hurt into anger. It's not healthy, I know, but I don't sit back and 'take it'. I obviously 'take it' by staying, but he certainly knows my stance.
One book that I did not get to finish yet due to everything going on was Women Who Love Too Much. It tackles the same issues as CD NO More, but doesn't focus as much on addiction. I found that I related to it as well or better. Maybe pick that up and give it a try.
I can somewhat relate to this post. I read CD no more. Though I related to it ALOT I simply didn't fit all of the categories. With her books she almost always says that codies come from addict families. ABSOLUTELY not true with me. I am not submissive in ANY way with my AH. I have NO problem standing up for myself. It takes a while to get me going, but once I'm there I have no problem with confrontation.
The things that my AH has done to me do NOT leave me cowering/wimpering in a corner. I've learned to turn that hurt into anger. It's not healthy, I know, but I don't sit back and 'take it'. I obviously 'take it' by staying, but he certainly knows my stance.
One book that I did not get to finish yet due to everything going on was Women Who Love Too Much. It tackles the same issues as CD NO More, but doesn't focus as much on addiction. I found that I related to it as well or better. Maybe pick that up and give it a try.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Needing Help - I spent over TWO years on Marriage Builders (link you provided) trying to repair my marriage. Towards the end of my stay there, I was just figuring out that addiction played a part in our problems. I was JUST finding out about his addiction. One thing that they VEHEMANTLY stress is to RUN for cover if you're dealing with an unrecovered addict. Co-dependency is not necessarly a bad thing in healthy marriages, but then again, in healthy marriages I don't think it's codependency. Just wanting to give AND receive equally or semi-equally.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by cassandra2
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
I am fairly teflon coated when it comes to other people's words or actions impacting my self esteem or mood. I never considered myself to be remotely codependent until my daughter became an addict. I turned her behavior into an all about me issue and hell has no fury like a mama scorned. Overnight, I became obsessed with all things addiction and fixing her. I was crusader mom and would stop at nothing to fix her and beat her addiction into submission to my will. And when I could not, I compounded it and obsessed even more and deluded myself into thinking it was because I was a bad mom.
I know many who are married to functional alcoholics. They accept the alcoholic part so long as their spouse remains functional. From my outside view ( cause who really knows what's what's going on in someone else's relationship) the sober spouse's emotional wellbeing is tied to the functional part more so than the alcoholic. And yeah...functional usually means bringing home the bacon and being able to somehow function in social situations.
They also are less likely to label their spouse as an alcoholic, despite that their spouse is one miserable excuse for a human being, unless drunk as a skunk. In many cases, the they actually prefer their spouse drunk, because it beats their spouse's sober disposition.
My point here is that some people appear to be OK with their loved one's "functional" alcoholism/addiction, usually when there is a trade off that benefits them.
Pain pills are an epidemic and there are a heck of a lot more people addicted to pain pills than other hard drugs, combined. Because pain pills are prescription medication, like legal alcohol, it's more socially acceptable. Many take the view that it's not so bad.
They ignore the progression from swallowing to chewing to crushing and/or mixing drugs and alcohol or drugs with other drugs. And even then, many delude themselves that it's not that bad because they are not injecting it or smoking/inhaling or shooting heroin or doing crack or Meth. It's the " it's not so bad" thing that often rationalizes everything for the functional addict and the codependent.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
My point here is that some people appear to be OK with their loved one's "functional" alcoholism/addiction, usually when there is a trade off that benefits them.
Pain pills are an epidemic and there are a heck of a lot more people addicted to pain pills than other hard drugs, combined. Because pain pills are prescription medication, like legal alcohol, it's more socially acceptable. Many take the view that it's not so bad.
They ignore the progression from swallowing to chewing to crushing and/or mixing drugs and alcohol or drugs with other drugs. And even then, many delude themselves that it's not that bad because they are not injecting it or smoking/inhaling or shooting heroin or doing crack or Meth. It's the " it's not so bad" thing that often rationalizes everything for the functional addict and the codependent.
Amen to that. I lived for YEARS with a VERY highly functional addict. I thought he was using, but couldn't be sure. Rather than delve to find out more, I simply trusted him and not my gut. I knew that something was off, but he went to work every day, made good money, contributed around the household. He did ALL of this until he didn't anymore. He progressed from functional to partially functional to barely functional to non functional.
Pain pills are an epidemic and there are a heck of a lot more people addicted to pain pills than other hard drugs, combined. Because pain pills are prescription medication, like legal alcohol, it's more socially acceptable. Many take the view that it's not so bad.
They ignore the progression from swallowing to chewing to crushing and/or mixing drugs and alcohol or drugs with other drugs. And even then, many delude themselves that it's not that bad because they are not injecting it or smoking/inhaling or shooting heroin or doing crack or Meth. It's the " it's not so bad" thing that often rationalizes everything for the functional addict and the codependent.
Amen to that. I lived for YEARS with a VERY highly functional addict. I thought he was using, but couldn't be sure. Rather than delve to find out more, I simply trusted him and not my gut. I knew that something was off, but he went to work every day, made good money, contributed around the household. He did ALL of this until he didn't anymore. He progressed from functional to partially functional to barely functional to non functional.
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Amen to watching other people live with what i would deem alcohol abuse/dependency/addiction. I don't say ONE WORD to them about it because i know they would just blow it off because, to them, I think anybody who drinks is an alcoholic just because of my own situation. But i've noticed there does seem to be a trade-off - these spouses are meeting some kind of un-written obligations, and sometimes the sober spouse does prefer to see them get a little buzz going so they get over their nasty mood and "relax."
I'm to the point where i can let it go knowing their HP is working with them in their own time.
I'm to the point where i can let it go knowing their HP is working with them in their own time.
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