Wife of a pill addict
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Wife of a pill addict
Hi everyone I am new to this site and trying to educate myself to help my situation. So thank you all in advance for your time and any information you can share.
My husband has been taking pain med’s for probably 10 years now. I have always thought it was a recreational thing and to party on like on the weekends and such. We met about 5 years ago and I was aware of this and I told him I was not OK with that life style. He said he understood and would not do it anymore and I didn't think it was a problem. Then a couple years later after we were married I found out he was taking them every once in awhile (or so he said) when his back hurt or when he was stressed out. So we fought about it but I thought he had it under control.
The beginning of Nov. I found out through a series of events that he was taking Ocycotin (Roxy) and was addicted. He says he had only been taking them for about 3 months. He told me he had tried to stop and started getting withdraws. He was able to buy some buprenorphines (helps with withdraw symptoms) and he said it worked and that he was no longer taking them. I asked him to start seeing a drug counselor and he did. I caught him with pain pills again (beg. of Dec.) after he started the counseling and he said he was having a hard time and had some pills left over. He said he was stopping everything that he was not addicted to the pain pills and that he could do it no prob.
The weekend before Christmas he wrecked his truck into someone’s front yard totaling his truck and a parked car. He feel asleep at the wheel under the influence of Klonopine and alcohol. He denied he took anything until I asked him to take a drug test which he tested positive for opiates and benzodiazepines. I told him he must continue counseling or I did not want him in the house with me or our 1 yr. old son. Over the weekend he drug tested positive for klonopin. He said he was stressed out and could not sleep so he took one. He said he had not taken any pain killers which the drug test showed to be true.
I am very frustrated with him. He lies about everything until I back him in a corner by finding his stash of pills or drug testing him. I have read many stories on here about people taking 10 to 15 pills a day. My husband said at most he would take 1 pill a day but most of the time it was 3 or 4 a week. Does that make him an addict? Should I contact the people that I know are giving these pills to him? Do you think he needs to detox? What can I do to help him?
I now I am being codependant, but I'm not sure what to do now.
My husband has been taking pain med’s for probably 10 years now. I have always thought it was a recreational thing and to party on like on the weekends and such. We met about 5 years ago and I was aware of this and I told him I was not OK with that life style. He said he understood and would not do it anymore and I didn't think it was a problem. Then a couple years later after we were married I found out he was taking them every once in awhile (or so he said) when his back hurt or when he was stressed out. So we fought about it but I thought he had it under control.
The beginning of Nov. I found out through a series of events that he was taking Ocycotin (Roxy) and was addicted. He says he had only been taking them for about 3 months. He told me he had tried to stop and started getting withdraws. He was able to buy some buprenorphines (helps with withdraw symptoms) and he said it worked and that he was no longer taking them. I asked him to start seeing a drug counselor and he did. I caught him with pain pills again (beg. of Dec.) after he started the counseling and he said he was having a hard time and had some pills left over. He said he was stopping everything that he was not addicted to the pain pills and that he could do it no prob.
The weekend before Christmas he wrecked his truck into someone’s front yard totaling his truck and a parked car. He feel asleep at the wheel under the influence of Klonopine and alcohol. He denied he took anything until I asked him to take a drug test which he tested positive for opiates and benzodiazepines. I told him he must continue counseling or I did not want him in the house with me or our 1 yr. old son. Over the weekend he drug tested positive for klonopin. He said he was stressed out and could not sleep so he took one. He said he had not taken any pain killers which the drug test showed to be true.
I am very frustrated with him. He lies about everything until I back him in a corner by finding his stash of pills or drug testing him. I have read many stories on here about people taking 10 to 15 pills a day. My husband said at most he would take 1 pill a day but most of the time it was 3 or 4 a week. Does that make him an addict? Should I contact the people that I know are giving these pills to him? Do you think he needs to detox? What can I do to help him?
I now I am being codependant, but I'm not sure what to do now.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by karrie1207 
Hi everyone I am new to this site and trying to educate myself to help my situation. So thank you all in advance for your time and any information you can share.
My husband has been taking pain med’s for probably 10 years now. I have always thought it was a recreational thing and to party on like on the weekends and such. We met about 5 years ago and I was aware of this and I told him I was not OK with that life style. He said he understood and would not do it anymore and I didn't think it was a problem. Then a couple years later after we were married I found out he was taking them every once in awhile (or so he said) when his back hurt or when he was stressed out. So we fought about it but I thought he had it under control.
The beginning of Nov. I found out through a series of events that he was taking Ocycotin (Roxy) and was addicted. He says he had only been taking them for about 3 months. He told me he had tried to stop and started getting withdraws. He was able to buy some buprenorphines (helps with withdraw symptoms) and he said it worked and that he was no longer taking them. I asked him to start seeing a drug counselor and he did. I caught him with pain pills again (beg. of Dec.) after he started the counseling and he said he was having a hard time and had some pills left over. He said he was stopping everything that he was not addicted to the pain pills and that he could do it no prob.
The weekend before Christmas he wrecked his truck into someone’s front yard totaling his truck and a parked car. He feel asleep at the wheel under the influence of Klonopine and alcohol. He denied he took anything until I asked him to take a drug test which he tested positive for opiates and benzodiazepines. I told him he must continue counseling or I did not want him in the house with me or our 1 yr. old son. Over the weekend he drug tested positive for klonopin. He said he was stressed out and could not sleep so he took one. He said he had not taken any pain killers which the drug test showed to be true.
I am very frustrated with him. He lies about everything until I back him in a corner by finding his stash of pills or drug testing him. I have read many stories on here about people taking 10 to 15 pills a day. My husband said at most he would take 1 pill a day but most of the time it was 3 or 4 a week.
My husband has been taking pain med’s for probably 10 years now. I have always thought it was a recreational thing and to party on like on the weekends and such. We met about 5 years ago and I was aware of this and I told him I was not OK with that life style. He said he understood and would not do it anymore and I didn't think it was a problem. Then a couple years later after we were married I found out he was taking them every once in awhile (or so he said) when his back hurt or when he was stressed out. So we fought about it but I thought he had it under control.
The beginning of Nov. I found out through a series of events that he was taking Ocycotin (Roxy) and was addicted. He says he had only been taking them for about 3 months. He told me he had tried to stop and started getting withdraws. He was able to buy some buprenorphines (helps with withdraw symptoms) and he said it worked and that he was no longer taking them. I asked him to start seeing a drug counselor and he did. I caught him with pain pills again (beg. of Dec.) after he started the counseling and he said he was having a hard time and had some pills left over. He said he was stopping everything that he was not addicted to the pain pills and that he could do it no prob.
The weekend before Christmas he wrecked his truck into someone’s front yard totaling his truck and a parked car. He feel asleep at the wheel under the influence of Klonopine and alcohol. He denied he took anything until I asked him to take a drug test which he tested positive for opiates and benzodiazepines. I told him he must continue counseling or I did not want him in the house with me or our 1 yr. old son. Over the weekend he drug tested positive for klonopin. He said he was stressed out and could not sleep so he took one. He said he had not taken any pain killers which the drug test showed to be true.
I am very frustrated with him. He lies about everything until I back him in a corner by finding his stash of pills or drug testing him. I have read many stories on here about people taking 10 to 15 pills a day. My husband said at most he would take 1 pill a day but most of the time it was 3 or 4 a week.
Does that make him an addict?
Should I contact the people that I know are giving these pills to him?
Do you think he needs to detox?
What can I do to help him?
I'm sorry. I know you don't like my answers. I didn't like them either when I had to set up boundaries with my addicted son. It sucks.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Karrie))) welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here.
((TJP)) is most likely correct - an addict will almost ALWAYS lie about how much and how often they are using.
I'm an RA (recovering addict) and a recovering codie (codependent) who has loved ones who are addicts. The best help MY family gave me was to let me suffer the consequences of my using...I was not allowed around them when I was using. I was bailed out of jail ONCE (before my dad realized that I was an addict, to be honest)...the next time, I was left there.
BTW, it sounds as if he is just changing substances..Klonopins are VERY addictive...any benzo is, as is alcohol. However, until HE wants to stop, he's not going to.
I do hope you read the "stickies" - the posts at the top of this forum, as well as other threads - you will see you are not alone, and will see what some people have been through, many for YEARS, with their A's (addicts). Al-anon helps a lot of people.
Another thing to remember is the 3 c's - you didn't cause it, you can't change it and you can't cure it. We ALL love our A's (yes, I have seen both sides of the addiction fence and they both hurt), but love can't overcome addiction. The best we can do is take care of ourselves and let the A follow their path, because they ARE going to do what they want to, anyway, as heartbreaking as it sounds. You will find many, here, that manage to have very peaceful and serene lives, despite loving an addict.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((TJP)) is most likely correct - an addict will almost ALWAYS lie about how much and how often they are using.
I'm an RA (recovering addict) and a recovering codie (codependent) who has loved ones who are addicts. The best help MY family gave me was to let me suffer the consequences of my using...I was not allowed around them when I was using. I was bailed out of jail ONCE (before my dad realized that I was an addict, to be honest)...the next time, I was left there.
BTW, it sounds as if he is just changing substances..Klonopins are VERY addictive...any benzo is, as is alcohol. However, until HE wants to stop, he's not going to.
I do hope you read the "stickies" - the posts at the top of this forum, as well as other threads - you will see you are not alone, and will see what some people have been through, many for YEARS, with their A's (addicts). Al-anon helps a lot of people.
Another thing to remember is the 3 c's - you didn't cause it, you can't change it and you can't cure it. We ALL love our A's (yes, I have seen both sides of the addiction fence and they both hurt), but love can't overcome addiction. The best we can do is take care of ourselves and let the A follow their path, because they ARE going to do what they want to, anyway, as heartbreaking as it sounds. You will find many, here, that manage to have very peaceful and serene lives, despite loving an addict.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 127
He lies and has a list of excuses as long as your arm, but you believe him when he says he only takes one pill/day?...or 3 or 4 a week? Sorry to tell you that his actual use is probably 3-4x what he is actually admitting to and has probably gone on quite consistently for a couple of years.
What your saying makes perfect sense and I keep telling myself that, but I'm still struggeling with the idea that he's taking more than what he says.
Yes, but what he really needs is to WANT TO STOP of his own volition and he has to want it bad. Then ideally he should attend rehab for 4-6 weeks minimum.
He says he wants to stop. He is currently going to a drug counselor 1x per week. Is that what you mean by rehab?
Go to Al-Anon, read all you can, visit SR regularly, then set up strong boundaries and then stick to them.
I did tell him if he did not have a appointment with his counselor every week that I wanted him out of the house. It is hard to tell when he is on the pills so I'm not sure what else I can do. When I suspect him taking them like this weekend I asked him to take a drug test. I don't think I am ready to kick him out if he tests positive again that is why I didn't say that to him. I figured this would take some time and he would prob. relapse that is why I didnt want to kick him out. Am I being too soft? Everything I read says this is a long process so I thought I was doing the right thing and being patient.
What your saying makes perfect sense and I keep telling myself that, but I'm still struggeling with the idea that he's taking more than what he says.
Yes, but what he really needs is to WANT TO STOP of his own volition and he has to want it bad. Then ideally he should attend rehab for 4-6 weeks minimum.
He says he wants to stop. He is currently going to a drug counselor 1x per week. Is that what you mean by rehab?
Go to Al-Anon, read all you can, visit SR regularly, then set up strong boundaries and then stick to them.
I did tell him if he did not have a appointment with his counselor every week that I wanted him out of the house. It is hard to tell when he is on the pills so I'm not sure what else I can do. When I suspect him taking them like this weekend I asked him to take a drug test. I don't think I am ready to kick him out if he tests positive again that is why I didn't say that to him. I figured this would take some time and he would prob. relapse that is why I didnt want to kick him out. Am I being too soft? Everything I read says this is a long process so I thought I was doing the right thing and being patient.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Karrie))) - there are no hard and fast rules. You can only do what you can do. Just be prepared for more of the same. Addiction is progressive and it will only get worse, unless HE wants to do something about it. Counseling, rehab, detox...none of that will work unless he WANTS it to. Some A's WILL do it just to get their loved one's "off their back", other's will put their heart and soul into it, and make it work.
My best advice is go by his actions...not his words. An addict will sit there and lie to your face, with the evidence IN THEIR HANDS. Actions ALWAYS speak volumes.
Again, stick around here, maybe check out al-anon meetings and see what you're in for. The more you learn and the more you know, the better off YOU are!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My best advice is go by his actions...not his words. An addict will sit there and lie to your face, with the evidence IN THEIR HANDS. Actions ALWAYS speak volumes.
Again, stick around here, maybe check out al-anon meetings and see what you're in for. The more you learn and the more you know, the better off YOU are!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 127
Thanks Impurrfect for sharing your story. I have read the stickies and 3 C's. I guess when it's happening to you it's hard to see things clearly.
Yes he does jump around to different things. That is one reason I asked if he was addicted. The councelor said he was probably just a drug abuser not an addict, but that was after their 1st meeting. So I'm not sure if she has heard the real situation yet. Do addicts even try to lie to their counselors? I guess so since they are even lieing to themselves.
I feel as though my life is coming apart in front of me and I am helpless. I feel alot of hate toward him for putting me and our son through this. I def. think I will try and attend one of those meetings. This site is alot of help. Thank You : )
Yes he does jump around to different things. That is one reason I asked if he was addicted. The councelor said he was probably just a drug abuser not an addict, but that was after their 1st meeting. So I'm not sure if she has heard the real situation yet. Do addicts even try to lie to their counselors? I guess so since they are even lieing to themselves.
I feel as though my life is coming apart in front of me and I am helpless. I feel alot of hate toward him for putting me and our son through this. I def. think I will try and attend one of those meetings. This site is alot of help. Thank You : )
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Join Date: May 2009
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So what you're saying is that it's ok if he's just abusing drugs as long as he's not addicted?
What is it that you will or will not tolerate?
1x/week with a counselor did no good whatsoever for my son. He had to go to a residential program in another town for 6 weeks of intense rehab. It cost my insurance company $34,000. He relapsed within 10 days of being home. Then I had to kick him out. He had the choice of being homeless and jobless or going to live in a sober house where they have strict rules. He chose the sober house. That seems to have done a world of good and he's starting technical school in January and is staying clean. That was a process that took 6-7 months.
What is it that you will or will not tolerate?
1x/week with a counselor did no good whatsoever for my son. He had to go to a residential program in another town for 6 weeks of intense rehab. It cost my insurance company $34,000. He relapsed within 10 days of being home. Then I had to kick him out. He had the choice of being homeless and jobless or going to live in a sober house where they have strict rules. He chose the sober house. That seems to have done a world of good and he's starting technical school in January and is staying clean. That was a process that took 6-7 months.
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Location: Atlanta
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(((Karrie))) - before I became ADDICTED to crack, I ABUSED opiates. It cost me my nursing career. I lost a 12-year-career I LOVED and was VERY good at, but when I stopped the opiates..I just stopped..no withdrawals, no cravings. However, I kept looking for something else....found crack, and it brought me to my knees.
He has a problem, and yes, we DO lie to counselors because, as you say, he's lying to himself...it's called denial.
The main issue is what you will tolerate. It's not so much about what HE thinks or feels, but about what YOU think and feel. As long as I was using, I COULDN'T think straight. Had I been allowed to keep using without consequences, in all honesty, I'm sure I would STILL be using.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
He has a problem, and yes, we DO lie to counselors because, as you say, he's lying to himself...it's called denial.
The main issue is what you will tolerate. It's not so much about what HE thinks or feels, but about what YOU think and feel. As long as I was using, I COULDN'T think straight. Had I been allowed to keep using without consequences, in all honesty, I'm sure I would STILL be using.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Right now, the intent of your boundary is to control him, ala he must see a drug counselor once a week, or else. Lots of folk see drug counselors and use drugs. Drug counseling is not a magic bullet cure. At best, it's an opportunity to learn some tools to help stay sober. Those tools do not include substituting other drugs for the drug of choice.
Threats do not cure addiction. Rehab does not cure addiction. Love does not cure addiction. Babies do not cure addiction. The addict alone owns it fair and square.
Only thing you can control here is your reaction to his addiction. You can accept him, as is and know that addiction is progressive or you can get him out of your and your daughter's life. It's the in between limbo land that carries the potential to drive you to the brink of insanity, that so many of us here know so well.
Only you can determine what's acceptable to you and for your baby. It's your boundary.
Threats do not cure addiction. Rehab does not cure addiction. Love does not cure addiction. Babies do not cure addiction. The addict alone owns it fair and square.
Only thing you can control here is your reaction to his addiction. You can accept him, as is and know that addiction is progressive or you can get him out of your and your daughter's life. It's the in between limbo land that carries the potential to drive you to the brink of insanity, that so many of us here know so well.
Only you can determine what's acceptable to you and for your baby. It's your boundary.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hey karrie, welcome to sr. i'm so sorry you have to be here but glad that you are. living with addiction makes such a sad story. i'm a recovering addict married but separated to my active addicted husband of 23yrs. i thought for 21 of those yrs if i was just patient enough, he would get better. after 21 of those yrs trying to be patient and supportive of him, i found myself literally going insane. i HAD to separate myself to save myself and my kids.
i' agree with the others, there is nothing you can do to help him but you can learn to help yourself. focus more on you, he's not gonna stop until he's ready. imo, as long as he can convince you that he wants to stop, but his actions shows you a different story, he'll probably continue to use and his addiction will eventually get progressively worse unless he get serious about his own recovery.
it took for my family to walk away from me, allowing me to hit my bottom alone before i was able to see for myself how destructive and out of control my life had become, then and only then was i ready and willing to seek help for myself and get serious about staying sober. today i'm a few yrs clean and grateful to my family for walking away. if they had not done that i honestly think i may still be out using, in jail or dead.
i'll keep you and your family in my prayers
i' agree with the others, there is nothing you can do to help him but you can learn to help yourself. focus more on you, he's not gonna stop until he's ready. imo, as long as he can convince you that he wants to stop, but his actions shows you a different story, he'll probably continue to use and his addiction will eventually get progressively worse unless he get serious about his own recovery.
it took for my family to walk away from me, allowing me to hit my bottom alone before i was able to see for myself how destructive and out of control my life had become, then and only then was i ready and willing to seek help for myself and get serious about staying sober. today i'm a few yrs clean and grateful to my family for walking away. if they had not done that i honestly think i may still be out using, in jail or dead.
i'll keep you and your family in my prayers
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 127
Yesterday is when he tested postive for benzodiazepines. After talking I told him he needed to talk to his counselor. He said that pill was left over and that he had no more pills. (which I'm sure is a lie) He volunteered to take a drug test every 3 days if I wanted him to, because he was done with them. I agreed and we left it at that.
If he tests positive on Wed. that is when I will tell him he needs detox.
How should I approach it? Everyone says he needs to want it himself. Do I ask him what he's going to do and leave it to him to tell me? If he doesn't say he wants to detox then I will tell him if he doesn't detox then I don't want him at the house.
Does that sound reasonable?
Ok if he agrees to detox do you think an at home detox is worth a try? I don't see how we can afford for him to stay out of work for more than 10 days.
Yes outto I def. feel in limbo. Yes I do know people see counselors and still do drugs, but I thought it was atleast a step in the right direction and a boundary. I do want to accept him, but I also don't want him to affect our family the way he has been anymore. With all of your help I think I'm atleast starting to head in the right direction!
Thanks for asking all the hard questions. I appreciate your input!
If he tests positive on Wed. that is when I will tell him he needs detox.
How should I approach it? Everyone says he needs to want it himself. Do I ask him what he's going to do and leave it to him to tell me? If he doesn't say he wants to detox then I will tell him if he doesn't detox then I don't want him at the house.
Does that sound reasonable?
Ok if he agrees to detox do you think an at home detox is worth a try? I don't see how we can afford for him to stay out of work for more than 10 days.
Yes outto I def. feel in limbo. Yes I do know people see counselors and still do drugs, but I thought it was atleast a step in the right direction and a boundary. I do want to accept him, but I also don't want him to affect our family the way he has been anymore. With all of your help I think I'm atleast starting to head in the right direction!
Thanks for asking all the hard questions. I appreciate your input!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Hi Karrie,
In my experience, detox is a rather short process of a fews days, but rehab is longer. There are out-patient rehabs he could attend in the evening, if residential is not possible.
But, none of the above will be effective unless he's willing to do the work. And NA meetings are free and do work, if you work the program as intended.
Ask yourself the same questions you present here...
Will getting help be enough, for now for you?
Can you be comfortable in a front row seat to witness what often accompanies an addicts withdrawal?
If you set boundaries such as "If you don't do (blank) then you must leave", can you stick with them?
This is about you and what you can and can not live with, not about what will help him to get better.
Keep in mind that alot of us need a couple of shots at getting the boundaries right and keeping them in place.
Hang in there...it can get better
(((Hugs)))
In my experience, detox is a rather short process of a fews days, but rehab is longer. There are out-patient rehabs he could attend in the evening, if residential is not possible.
But, none of the above will be effective unless he's willing to do the work. And NA meetings are free and do work, if you work the program as intended.
Ask yourself the same questions you present here...
Will getting help be enough, for now for you?
Can you be comfortable in a front row seat to witness what often accompanies an addicts withdrawal?
If you set boundaries such as "If you don't do (blank) then you must leave", can you stick with them?
This is about you and what you can and can not live with, not about what will help him to get better.
Keep in mind that alot of us need a couple of shots at getting the boundaries right and keeping them in place.
Hang in there...it can get better
(((Hugs)))
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
karrie, i gonna jump in here again if you don't mind and ask you if its kind of tiring for you to feel that you have to drug test him so much. isn't that kind of expensive too? did you know that an addict knows that there are so many ways to pass a drug test?
not that i'm trying to put so much doubt in your mind but i am hoping that you will be able to see just how much time and energy you seem to be putting into trying to monitor him and his drug use.
do you think it would be a little easier on you if you could focus more on you and what you would do once/ if you found out that he really is not ready to quit. kind of sounds like you have set boundaries but are they designed to help control his drug use or are they set for you? you know, things that you are/are not willing to live with and what actions will you take for yourself if he crosses those boundaries?
about detox, are you ready to try him detoxing at home? i understand you can't afford it but they do have out patient rehab but it will be totally up to him whether or not he's willing to go. its good that he has a counselor but still, whether or not he follows his counselors plan, is totally up to him. so far, it sounds like he might be doing things his way, i pray that i'm wrong though.
not that i'm trying to put so much doubt in your mind but i am hoping that you will be able to see just how much time and energy you seem to be putting into trying to monitor him and his drug use.
do you think it would be a little easier on you if you could focus more on you and what you would do once/ if you found out that he really is not ready to quit. kind of sounds like you have set boundaries but are they designed to help control his drug use or are they set for you? you know, things that you are/are not willing to live with and what actions will you take for yourself if he crosses those boundaries?
about detox, are you ready to try him detoxing at home? i understand you can't afford it but they do have out patient rehab but it will be totally up to him whether or not he's willing to go. its good that he has a counselor but still, whether or not he follows his counselors plan, is totally up to him. so far, it sounds like he might be doing things his way, i pray that i'm wrong though.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 71
You do not want him to detox at home without help from a doctor. My husband went cold turkey and we went through 4 days of absolute hell before I could talk him into seeing his doctor. His doctor prescribed clonidine? to help and it did help. But, the life gets in the ways and he traded alcohol for pills and was drinikng over a liter of 100 proof vodka. Just keep yourself together, and remember he will say anything and try to make things your fault. Just take care of yourself and your child.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by cece1960
This is about you and what you can and can not live with, not about what will help him to get better.
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by karrie1207
He volunteered to take a drug test every 3 days if I wanted him to, because he was done with them.
If he tests positive on Wed. that is when I will tell him he needs detox.....
I am thinking that you might not yet understand that detox is a blip in time and then the really, really hard part starts....staying clean. This is where he has to want it more than anything else and be willing to work at it each and every day. It's not a magic bullet.
If he is serious, he's going to figure out the next steps and take action.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Originally Posted by tjp613
Hmmmm. I'd rather spend that $400 at the salon.
and Karrie, I did the whole UT thing for years too. It is expensive, and more than likely, you're going to pay for it, cause he sure as hell isn't going to. The one's around these parts cost $4o a pop! And yes....he did figure out ways to pass it. Came up with every excuse in the book when he failed the test as to why the test was wrong. It's exhausting!
I also watched him DT many times over and it was the most horrible thing to witness. The Methadone was the worst. It was just like a scene from a movie, except the front row seats were my home. I don't recommend it. But it is your choice.
He'll "come clean" when he "wants clean".
Stay here, keep posting...and know you're among people who understand.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Some of what everyone is saying does sound like foriegn tongue outto. I am trying to digest all this info. and make the best decision's.
It sounds to me like I just have to gaurd myself and my son from being hurt by him and then just wait for him to WANT to come clean or until I'm ready for a divorse.
Yes the drug tests are expensive. He doesn't make up lies about the test is wrong he admits that he has taken drugs as soon as I tell him its positive. The test over the weekend all I had to say once he took it was "we need to talk" he right away admitted what he took and when. Now was it the whole story prob. not, but atleast he didn't deny it.
It sounds to me like I just have to gaurd myself and my son from being hurt by him and then just wait for him to WANT to come clean or until I'm ready for a divorse.
Yes the drug tests are expensive. He doesn't make up lies about the test is wrong he admits that he has taken drugs as soon as I tell him its positive. The test over the weekend all I had to say once he took it was "we need to talk" he right away admitted what he took and when. Now was it the whole story prob. not, but atleast he didn't deny it.
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