LiLCatuhPiluh

Hi, I've posted here a handful of times and I like the advice I have received. Since my heartbreaking story has continued, I am back for more help. I'm going to try to keep it short and simple.

I am 22 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We both have a heroin problem. In the beginning we used together. Then we both cleaned ourselves up. We were doing great. Life was great. He was great. I have been in a lot of crappy relationships but this was everything I wanted. I trusted him very much too. It wasn't perfect but we worked through our imperfections.

He went to jail for nine months from a charge he received prior to us dating. He stole something for drug money. He went to jail because he smoked pot and they tested him in court that day. I didn't stick through the nine months with him. I tried, but then I had to break it off because I was so miserable and lonely and I met someone who made it go away. He basically wouldn't let me break up with him though, so in his eyes. I cheated. I spent those nine months forgetting him. I never thought we'd go back.

The day he got out he called. The moment I heard his voice on the phone I had to see him. I drove across the state and spent a week with him. I was in love all over again. He forgave me, said he understood. I always told him I don't think I could handle him going to jail. Apparently I couldn't.

So we have been together since, he got out this time last year. It was great. We had what we lost back. However in October he confessed to using again behind my back. He begged me to help him. So I tried. We were living together going to school (college). He wasn't himself anymore though and the fact that he was able to hide it, that I didn't see it in his face. Blew me away. There times I wondered but he would act like I was being so silly. Thinking he would be using. So after he confessed we tried to work it all out. I was so caught up in my own school and work though we never really carried out the plans. He kept telling me he was clean for this many days, then this many, and he did this and that. But he was still lying. That was when I said it was enough. I moved out and left him. It tore him apart. He moved out about 2 weeks later and went back to his moms. I cut all ties, until I found out about this new girl he was seeing.

He was suppose to be getting help, not meeting new girls. It caused an uproar. He got clean when he went to his moms, he's been clean for 25 days. We've sat together and cried. He would ask to stay, but I told him no. I thought I was protecting myself. But at this point I just don't know.

He is in rehab. He went in yesterday afternoon. He came to my house before to tell me how much he loved me and how much he wanted it all back. I want it back too. But do I take him back? We've both hurt each other. I lied to him when he started lying to me. I even slept with someone else and told him when confessed to all the lies a second time. I wanted him to feel the pain.

The thing is, we both have issues. A lot of them. But we knew this and were ready to face each others problems. He has never once walked away from me. I walk away from him and I just realized that. Through all my crazy spurts and messing up, he stood right by my side.

So now that he is gone for the next 30 days. I have a choice. Do I spend the time moving on and letting go. Or do I see him through his relapse and stop walking away?

PLease share your thoughts.


Ps. My heart goes out to everyone here on this site. It isn't easy and we all need to stick together.

megan09

Hi there. Just wondering if either of you have been in a programme of recovery; have you received treatment or regularly attended NA? Recovery only BEGINS with putting down the drug of choice; it is only then that the real journey can begin.

teke

i agree with megan, maybe while he's away you could began to work on you. you don't have to make any decisions right now unless you choose to.

i'm a ra and for me, it was very hard for me to stay clean as long as he was still using or not in recovery. our addictions kind of fed off each other. are you working a plan of recovery for yourself.

i've been in a few rehabs/detox and meetings and it is suggested there that the addict change the people, places and things that they associated with while in active addiction.
i really think it would help you both if you could began to focus on you and your personal issues.

hello-kitty

"You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom." ~The Wizard of Oz

2 unhealthy people cannot have a healthy relationship. And it sounds like that's what you want - like you have grown and maybe he hasn't. He's still doing the same 'ol thing.

If you work on your issues, I think his issues will become less important. As you get better, you will see this. It would be start.

I suggest checking out an NA or AA meeting yourself - and seeing what you can get out of it.

LiLCatuhPiluh

I wouldn't agree that he hasn't grown, or that I have grown more than him. Honestly I think we have both grown significantly in the passed 3 years. We just hit a bump in the road. It is not uncommon for addicts to relapse a few times before getting it right. I think the important part is that you don't give up on recovery.

I haven't had the desire to use, even when he told me he had been. My issues are my depression and being an adult child of alcoholics. I read a lot about both our issues. Memoirs and self-help books about addiction, growing up with alcoholics, living with depression. Reading really helps in my opinion. But I do think I should go to meetings too. I have been in therapy but I lost my insurance and I don't have a car anymore.

We are both aware of the risks of staying together. We agreed that if we decide to try and save the relationship that it has to be a very, very slow process and that our own personal issues must come first. We agreed to see a counselor/therapist together. We both need meetings. We both need to change things about our lifestyles. This is not negotiable. We've done it before, we can't do it again?

I have a tendency to ruin most all my personal relationships with people. I have an inferiority complex and some abandonment issues. I don't walk away because I am wise, I walk away because I am afraid, of everything. I think its time to stop.

I guess I just want to hear someone tell me it can be done. But then again, maybe it can't