albcy5

first time poster, I’m not new to the site I always read the posts just never have the balls to submit my story I don’t know if I’m even posting to the right place but I’m sure someone will let me know. Let me start by saying I love the fact that everyone is so supportive with each other it makes me feel comfortable so here I go. imp going to make a long story very short going back to 2000 is when I met my current bf he was always a heavy drinker everyone in his immediate family was/is also he’s always been very intelligent but doesn’t use it I worked and paid all the bills while he slept to get sober for the next drink well in 2002 drinking wasn’t enough anymore so he started sniffing coke by 2003 he was on to heroin(not needles , like that makes it any better) and I was out the door I never lost touch with him I would see him outside in the cold nowhere to go and every time I did it hurt my heart but I eventually moved on had a son but honestly never stopped loving him, and couldn’t get him out of my head well June 09, he showed up at my doorstep clean and sober at that time he had been sober from both alcohol and heroin for 8 months I was so proud of him and the love was still there even after 6 years of being apart so I took him back the first night he came back (he was in a program for 9 months) he wanted a drink now that I look back I realize that was the first mistake he drank that night and has every other night since then the problem is imp trying to give him credit for the fact that he stop doing heroin and he now has a job and he’s going back to school in two weeks even though its only a trade school it’s a big accomplishment for him he also attends na meetings I try not to think about the fact that every time he gets drunk(which is a pattern of every other night) we argue he belittles me and I think when he drinks he wants to do heroin imp so tired of trying to keep him in the house when he’s drunk because he gets so drunk that he doesn’t remember what he does or says and sometimes doesn’t remember where he is sometimes he gets up the next day and is still drunk from the night before my question is should I leave him because I’m really unhappy every other day or should I stay because I love him and his accomplishments I would hate to leave him again and he goes back to heroin I don’t want to leave him at all when I think about it depresses me because of course when he’s sober he’s the best I just want to help him without leaving him is that possible

outtolunch

You have a live in, recovering heroin addict for a BF, who is hitting the bottle and getting drunk and abusive every other night.

You worry that he might relapse as it relates to heroin. Alcohol increases the likelihood he will relapse. Regardless, he will or not, no matter what you do, or not. You have no control over him.

I am curious, how this situation benefits your son.

Limiya

Hi, and welcome.
Thanks for sharing your story.
He might no longer be using Heroin, but he is abusing alchohol on a seriously dangerous level and on top of that is abusive whilst under the influence.
Just because he can't remeber what he did or said whilst under the influence doesn't mean you have to accept it.
Yes it's a big accomplishment to get off Heroin and other drugs, but i fear he has just replaced it with alchohol.

I think when you feel like you have had enough, then you will leave. But until then, we are all here to support you.

And again, WELCOME!!

~Limiya~

teke

hi, welcome. sorry you have to be here but so glad you are. i'm a recovering addict and imo, him substituting one drug for another may eventually lead him back to his drug of choice. to leave or stay is a choice you have to make but are you sure this is the life you want?

nothing you can say or do will make him want to strp drinking or using if he decides to. unless he continues on the road of recovery, his addiction will get progressively worse and so will the abuse. personally, i agree with your family, i think you deserve so much more out of life and it is so easy to get sucked back in yr after yr after yr. it took me 21yrs to break away from all the chaos and learn to live a more peaceful life without addiction.

enlightenment

I have learned that if my husband relapses (he is a heroin addict too) that I have nothing to do with it. His reactions to my actions are his own just as my reactions to his actions are my own. I can't blame him for how I feel because I make the choice of my own reaction...

Hope you figure things out. Just do what feels right to you. =)

albcy5

he hasnt been abusive yet, cant say he wont but he has never raised his hand to hit me

teke

i'm sorry, when i read that he belittles you, my thoughts went straight to thinking verbal abuse, since its was common with my ah. eventually it began to effect my self esteem but i do understand that every addict is not the same. again im sorry.

tjp613

Hi albcy- It does sound like he made a lot of progress over the last few years and he should be very proud of that! HOWEVER, unfortunately, his drinking does sound out of control and in time will probably lead to other drug use. It has mostly to do with the changes in his brain that years of drug abuse has caused so that ingesting ANY kind of addictive substance can quickly lead to abuse of that substance. They are "chasing the high" -- this is what leads to stronger and stronger drugs and more of them. This is what eventually leads to overdose and death. This is the disease of addiction and it will be his lifelong struggle.

You just have to decide what you want in your own life. If this path is OK with you, then carry on. Things probably won't change much over the next 20-30 years and may very well get worse. Much worse. But, on the other hand, he could get well. It does happen sometimes.

My suggestion is that for now you just hang around SR and do lots of reading and posting. Things will become more clear for you day by day.

ladyhawk69

he hasnt been abusive yet

Imo, if he belittles you and drinks heavily in your house in front of your son, he is being abusive. Good luck and God bless...

coffeedrinker

I think the general consensus is that it is actually more help to him TO leave him, than to stay. You see, otherwise, your non-verbal response to his drinking/abusive behavior, is that it is ok.