2010 comes in with a BIG BANG ... He relapsed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Good for you. Listen, if you are having a hard time remembering because he's "good" today, go back and start reading your old posts. From the beginning. Take the time and jot stuff down as you go through them.
In addition to helping you recall some of the worst stuff, it will also help you see how far you yourself have come and the progress you have made which will help reinforce and doubts you may have on whether or not you are doing the right thing. It's hard and it feels brutal but it's actually the most loving thing you can do for any of you.
In addition to helping you recall some of the worst stuff, it will also help you see how far you yourself have come and the progress you have made which will help reinforce and doubts you may have on whether or not you are doing the right thing. It's hard and it feels brutal but it's actually the most loving thing you can do for any of you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with ((Anvil)) - stop the awfulizing. Your life has ALREADY been turned upside down....way more than once.
Focus on a new start for you and your kids, one without someone passed out; beating up a bag of chips with a plastic baseball bat; running in to light poles; saying "I'm sorry, I love you" then taking off in your car and coming back wasted, having run up 6000 minutes on a phone. Read your old posts and jot down things, and I bet you have one heck of a list by the time you get finished.
Stop focusing on the "good" him...it's a facade; it's a show, used to lure you back in. You might as well go mark a date on the calendar, for 6 months from now (if he makes it that long) and write "here we go again!!", then do it again, 6 months later...do that for the next few years.
BTW, I'm very proud of you for making the appt. and glad that you are taking your mom with you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Focus on a new start for you and your kids, one without someone passed out; beating up a bag of chips with a plastic baseball bat; running in to light poles; saying "I'm sorry, I love you" then taking off in your car and coming back wasted, having run up 6000 minutes on a phone. Read your old posts and jot down things, and I bet you have one heck of a list by the time you get finished.
Stop focusing on the "good" him...it's a facade; it's a show, used to lure you back in. You might as well go mark a date on the calendar, for 6 months from now (if he makes it that long) and write "here we go again!!", then do it again, 6 months later...do that for the next few years.
BTW, I'm very proud of you for making the appt. and glad that you are taking your mom with you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
You might as well go mark a date on the calendar, for 6 months from now (if he makes it that long) and write "here we go again!!", then do it again, 6 months later...do that for the next few years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
Stop focusing on the "good" him...it's a facade; it's a show, used to lure you back in. You might as well go mark a date on the calendar, for 6 months from now (if he makes it that long) and write "here we go again!!", then do it again, 6 months later...do that for the next few years.
My mom, sister and bff have all called about tomorrow. 100% support. I know that I'll follow through, I know that I need to do this. But I just feel so nervous/anxious and am sick to my stomach. I have a feeling tonight will be a sleepless night and that all of this chaos will for sure jumpstart my diet! My NY Resolution is to get back in shape, lose about 10 lbs. I think this is a resolution that will happen sooner than I'd thought because I can't even think about eating!
Thank you for being there guys.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
He finally admitted it was methadone. Said he just took too much and it builds in your system and stays there. Doesn't remember the night of the accident. His name was in the paper being charged with failure to maintain control and being impaired.
He is very clear today, apologetic, says enough is enough he's got to stop. I asked him WHAT it would take to make him stop. He said he didn't know, but he was done. (BTDT) Guys, this is so hard because who he is RIGHT NOW and YESTERDAY are all that I could ask for. I'm not backing down though.
He is very clear today, apologetic, says enough is enough he's got to stop. I asked him WHAT it would take to make him stop. He said he didn't know, but he was done. (BTDT) Guys, this is so hard because who he is RIGHT NOW and YESTERDAY are all that I could ask for. I'm not backing down though.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Callie))) he said the same thing after the episode with the chips and the baseball bat.
He took too much methadone because he wanted to get high....period.
Get your calendar out and look at June....you really want to go there again? Do you really think he'll make it six months at the rate he's been going? I don't.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
He took too much methadone because he wanted to get high....period.
Get your calendar out and look at June....you really want to go there again? Do you really think he'll make it six months at the rate he's been going? I don't.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
Wow. I'm totally having deja vu right now. Are you??
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 267
I cant remember who suggested it but I REALLY think the idea of going back thru all of your posts with pen & paper and working on that list is a GREAT idea! If nothing else, your attention to detail will keep you from skipping or skimming posts and treating it like a school assignment will keep your mind occupied. Not in the obsessive way we usually tend to when we are scared but the end result will be that you keep yourself CALMLY sure of your decision.
That or all of us get our butt kicking boots on and head to your place...
That or all of us get our butt kicking boots on and head to your place...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Callie))) maybe think about all the times he's been on his "best behavior" and then do what we addicts do...play the tape all the way through.
Like "he was doing so great.....but then he...."; "and then there was that time, when we were having a great time doing....., but then he....." I imagine there is a LOT of "but then's". It's what I have to do when I start thinking of how great it would be to get numb...to escape reality...what MOST of us A's have to do to stay strong. It's not really any different.
He's BEEN on his best behavior, but he's continually messed it up...play the tape all the way through, sweetie. It works for us codies, just as well as for us A's....trust me.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Like "he was doing so great.....but then he...."; "and then there was that time, when we were having a great time doing....., but then he....." I imagine there is a LOT of "but then's". It's what I have to do when I start thinking of how great it would be to get numb...to escape reality...what MOST of us A's have to do to stay strong. It's not really any different.
He's BEEN on his best behavior, but he's continually messed it up...play the tape all the way through, sweetie. It works for us codies, just as well as for us A's....trust me.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I will go through the posts in the next few days and work on that list. I know I need a refresher course. Get your boots just in case though.
Anvil, you're right it's a high price to pay for two days. Two days of "good behavior" entails...
He's been very clear, extremely nice. Brought me my favorite Chipotle veggie burrito bu surprise, washed my suv, swept it out, programmed my garage door, got the kids to bed, brushed their teeth, helped pick up the house, was truthful about the Methadone usage and what's really been going on. Now he wants me to come and watch tivo'd intervention episodes.
This is the hardest decision that I think I've ever had to make. It's made, but following through will for sure be challenging. I will do it though with the help of family, friends, SR and God. I would be completely lost without SR.
Anvil, you're right it's a high price to pay for two days. Two days of "good behavior" entails...
He's been very clear, extremely nice. Brought me my favorite Chipotle veggie burrito bu surprise, washed my suv, swept it out, programmed my garage door, got the kids to bed, brushed their teeth, helped pick up the house, was truthful about the Methadone usage and what's really been going on. Now he wants me to come and watch tivo'd intervention episodes.
This is the hardest decision that I think I've ever had to make. It's made, but following through will for sure be challenging. I will do it though with the help of family, friends, SR and God. I would be completely lost without SR.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
this has to be really hard for you, especially since he's right there being mr goodie two shoe. i pray that you can stay strong if thats what you want. it was always easier for me when i didn't have to watch that side of my ah, it always somehow caused me to second guess myself and eventually put my needs on hold until the next time. kept me in limbo.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
From Jan 24 this year...very painful to read, Callie. I'm so sorry you're still going through this.
I'm calling a lawyer Monday and filing for divorce. For those of you who know my story, my AH is still @ his moms. My 8 yo twins had 2 friends each stay over night. So I had 6 kids with me last night. We were all "camping" on the floor sleeping and I get a call @ 6 this morning from his mom "have you seen AH?" I said no. She said the door is wide open, tv on, lights on, his coat here and he's not here. I said call when you hear from him. About 6 minutes later I get a call from the police department.
My AH was arrested and charged with theft and drug paraphenalia. He's on heroin again after 2 weeks of being clean. He was @ Walmart apparantly laying in the aisles, walking around talking to himself and "nodding out". When the police got there he was beating a bag of chips with a baseball bat trying to "open" them. When the officer asked for identification AH fumbled around to get it out and a needle fell out of his pocket. I was shocked, stunned and trying to get away from 6 kids to speak with the officer. His car is in my name and he had my debit card. I'm not sure how they can charge him with theft because he didn't leave the store and could have paid for them (with my card) but whatever. I guess his car was running in the parking lot, lights on parked in a handicapped spot (he's not handicapped). The officer said do you want us to retain your debit card, I said yes. Do you want us to release the car to him, I said no. So it is now impounded.
I called the officer back after our initial conversation and asked him if there was ANY way they could keep him in jail. They said no. I practically begged him. I then asked if there was anyway that I could have him committed. They said possibly, but I'd have to go to the courthouse and file paperwork etc. I can't do that until Monday.
I hung up and of course I am beside myself, worried, furious, upset etc. He walked to his moms, called me high as a kite and of course has a story about how the officer is lying etc. I have spoken with his mom and sister and told them both he would NOT be getting the car back until he is clean. Not trying to be a bit$%, but don't want him dead. He will be getting absolutely no money from me or his sister. His mom has her car keys and $ in her bra.
If you recall, my AH hit a parked car about 1 month ago (it was icy) and his car was totalled. He of course had a big story, but it was in town on a city street so I would think it would be hard total 2 cars unless you were flying. The officer that arrested him was the same officer that cited him for the accident. He said AH was acting the same then.
I just got online and saw that AH used my debit card to rack up $200 in charges yesterday. He got a haircut, went to the store, withdrew $ ordered a pizza etc. When he left MY house yesterday he was suppose to go to a doctors appt. The card was for his copay ONLY. He was suppose to come home after that and never did.
At this point I have to take 4 kids home and clean up the tornado that ran through my house last night. I have done everything to ensure that he does NOT have access to money OR a vehicle. I've ensured that all pills @ his moms and guns are removed from the house. Her keys are in her bra. My fear is that when he comes too he will realize what he's done and try to commit suicide. Is there anything else that I can do to stop it? Anything I'm overlooking?
I am just beside myself. You guys, if you would see him you'd be shocked. He is a beautiful man, very well dressed, very clean cut, does NOT look like that type AT ALL. My AH is 39 years old and what started out with darvocet, vicodin escalated to heroin. My AH in his right mind would NEVER do this.
I don't know what I'm asking with this post, - maybe prayers, thoughts, words of wisdom? Is there anything that I'm overlooking as far as preventing him getting more drugs or doing something stupid? I just cannot believe that this is happening. He's lost his job, lost a beautiful family, a beautiful house. He had it all and it's all gone. Because of drugs. I keep thinking this will be his bottom, that will be his bottom. But he just keeps on digging. I keep thinking if I would have just made him come home last night it could have prevented this. Now his name will be plastered on our town's paper. Theft and drug paraphenalia. My next question is what in the world do I tell my 8 year old twins. Thanks for reading guys and I'd appreciate any prayers you have or any words of wisdom.
My AH was arrested and charged with theft and drug paraphenalia. He's on heroin again after 2 weeks of being clean. He was @ Walmart apparantly laying in the aisles, walking around talking to himself and "nodding out". When the police got there he was beating a bag of chips with a baseball bat trying to "open" them. When the officer asked for identification AH fumbled around to get it out and a needle fell out of his pocket. I was shocked, stunned and trying to get away from 6 kids to speak with the officer. His car is in my name and he had my debit card. I'm not sure how they can charge him with theft because he didn't leave the store and could have paid for them (with my card) but whatever. I guess his car was running in the parking lot, lights on parked in a handicapped spot (he's not handicapped). The officer said do you want us to retain your debit card, I said yes. Do you want us to release the car to him, I said no. So it is now impounded.
I called the officer back after our initial conversation and asked him if there was ANY way they could keep him in jail. They said no. I practically begged him. I then asked if there was anyway that I could have him committed. They said possibly, but I'd have to go to the courthouse and file paperwork etc. I can't do that until Monday.
I hung up and of course I am beside myself, worried, furious, upset etc. He walked to his moms, called me high as a kite and of course has a story about how the officer is lying etc. I have spoken with his mom and sister and told them both he would NOT be getting the car back until he is clean. Not trying to be a bit$%, but don't want him dead. He will be getting absolutely no money from me or his sister. His mom has her car keys and $ in her bra.
If you recall, my AH hit a parked car about 1 month ago (it was icy) and his car was totalled. He of course had a big story, but it was in town on a city street so I would think it would be hard total 2 cars unless you were flying. The officer that arrested him was the same officer that cited him for the accident. He said AH was acting the same then.
I just got online and saw that AH used my debit card to rack up $200 in charges yesterday. He got a haircut, went to the store, withdrew $ ordered a pizza etc. When he left MY house yesterday he was suppose to go to a doctors appt. The card was for his copay ONLY. He was suppose to come home after that and never did.
At this point I have to take 4 kids home and clean up the tornado that ran through my house last night. I have done everything to ensure that he does NOT have access to money OR a vehicle. I've ensured that all pills @ his moms and guns are removed from the house. Her keys are in her bra. My fear is that when he comes too he will realize what he's done and try to commit suicide. Is there anything else that I can do to stop it? Anything I'm overlooking?
I am just beside myself. You guys, if you would see him you'd be shocked. He is a beautiful man, very well dressed, very clean cut, does NOT look like that type AT ALL. My AH is 39 years old and what started out with darvocet, vicodin escalated to heroin. My AH in his right mind would NEVER do this.
I don't know what I'm asking with this post, - maybe prayers, thoughts, words of wisdom? Is there anything that I'm overlooking as far as preventing him getting more drugs or doing something stupid? I just cannot believe that this is happening. He's lost his job, lost a beautiful family, a beautiful house. He had it all and it's all gone. Because of drugs. I keep thinking this will be his bottom, that will be his bottom. But he just keeps on digging. I keep thinking if I would have just made him come home last night it could have prevented this. Now his name will be plastered on our town's paper. Theft and drug paraphenalia. My next question is what in the world do I tell my 8 year old twins. Thanks for reading guys and I'd appreciate any prayers you have or any words of wisdom.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
and I don't drink coffe, so I want a diet sprite
It really DOES need to be a big office..there will be lots of us there!!! BTW, ((Anvil)) ALWAYS wants to sit on the arm of the chair, so please make sure there's room for her there, okay?
We've already got the codie bus gassed up and ready to go...hope there's enough room for all of us!
I KNOW this is hard, sweetie, so I hope you feel the strength, love, caring and prayers we are all sending you. It's been a long, hard road that you've been traveling, and you've given 110%. It's time for Callie to take care of Callie and her kids, now.
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy
It really DOES need to be a big office..there will be lots of us there!!! BTW, ((Anvil)) ALWAYS wants to sit on the arm of the chair, so please make sure there's room for her there, okay?We've already got the codie bus gassed up and ready to go...hope there's enough room for all of us!
I KNOW this is hard, sweetie, so I hope you feel the strength, love, caring and prayers we are all sending you. It's been a long, hard road that you've been traveling, and you've given 110%. It's time for Callie to take care of Callie and her kids, now.
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tjp))) - thanks for bringing that back...wow, almost a year ago, wrecking cars in December. ((Callie)) - see a pattern? Do you remember how this felt a year ago? Do you remember how you felt three DAYS ago?
You're GOING to be okay...you really, really are. A divorce isn't the end of the world, it's a chance for a new beginning for you and dd and ds. It may not FEEL like it, right now, but it truly is.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You're GOING to be okay...you really, really are. A divorce isn't the end of the world, it's a chance for a new beginning for you and dd and ds. It may not FEEL like it, right now, but it truly is.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
As you know, I'm on Methadone, have been for 4 & 1/2 years. It does not build up in your system like that. Please keep that in mind when you question if you're doing the right thing. It's just another lie to try to keep you in check. As I'd said to you on FB, it sounds like Benzos to me, just like you said his Sponsor thought it was Xanax.
As far as him being fine, Honey, he ISN'T fine. He's just not obviously high. You said he lost a take home. If he goes more than about 2 days without any Methadone, he will be very, very sick. Dope sick. If he's not getting any Methadone from the Clinic from this self imposed detox that he claims he's on, then he's getting drugs from somewhere. More than a few days without any Methadone will cause him to be extremely ill. And if he's been taking Xanax pretty much on a regular basis, after a day or so, he'll be dope sick from the withdrawls from them.
Please keep this in mind. Like I shared with you in emails recently, us addicts, when in our addiction, are the absolute best liars and manipulators. We know exactly which buttons to push, what to say and what to do so you think *we're fine.*
Stay strong! Take care of you and your boys.
Big Hugs,
Judy
As far as him being fine, Honey, he ISN'T fine. He's just not obviously high. You said he lost a take home. If he goes more than about 2 days without any Methadone, he will be very, very sick. Dope sick. If he's not getting any Methadone from the Clinic from this self imposed detox that he claims he's on, then he's getting drugs from somewhere. More than a few days without any Methadone will cause him to be extremely ill. And if he's been taking Xanax pretty much on a regular basis, after a day or so, he'll be dope sick from the withdrawls from them.
Please keep this in mind. Like I shared with you in emails recently, us addicts, when in our addiction, are the absolute best liars and manipulators. We know exactly which buttons to push, what to say and what to do so you think *we're fine.*
Stay strong! Take care of you and your boys.
Big Hugs,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
I was going to say the methadone story is BS too but it's been covered.
(((HUGS))) and prayers for you sweetie.
Go to that attorney's office today and put this thing in motion. Protect yourself and your kids. Brace yourself for the worst and continue to practice detaching from him, from his problems, from his lies and from his manipulation. You (and I) are predictable to our addicts and they are very smart individuals. Addicts have to be darn near genious in order to keep feeding the beast inside them but they too are also predictable. Make your move and follow through one moment at a time.
(((HUGS))) and prayers for you sweetie.
Go to that attorney's office today and put this thing in motion. Protect yourself and your kids. Brace yourself for the worst and continue to practice detaching from him, from his problems, from his lies and from his manipulation. You (and I) are predictable to our addicts and they are very smart individuals. Addicts have to be darn near genious in order to keep feeding the beast inside them but they too are also predictable. Make your move and follow through one moment at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
What he said he was doing was going to the clinic just enough to not get into trouble (they were giving 60 ml/mg) there. When he made the clinic switch 2 months ago he was @ 100. The other days he was buying it off of the streets to make up for the diff (between clinics 60 vs 100). He was getting 180 @ a time and said it just got out of control. In a sense he was taking 3x his rx'd dose. If I had to guess, I too would guess xanax - but he voluntarily took a UA with the sheriff, so I don't know. I also know he's been down this road enough to keep it 'legal' if he can.
In the end, it doesn't matter. I'll probably never know the full truth. Just as I'll never know how the he(( he's funding this. I've not given him a dime in a month or so. His mom has been giving him $, but I'm pretty sure she can't afford that much. In the end as Anvil said I'm probably getting partial truths mixed in with a bunch of lies. I'm too tired to even worry about finding out the truth.
TJP - THANK YOU for digging up that post. I remember it very clearly. A few months prior to that he'd had another wreck, a few months prior to that he started heroin, before that he withdrew his entire 401k (prob $30k?) and I had not a clue, a few months before that he'd gotten fired after 19 years @ a VERY good job, a few months before that I had a FULL TIME job of making sure I was @ home to see if he was in any shape to go to work or if he needed to stay home, a few months before that I get a call from his card buddies saying he was in deep. Out of the last 5 years, there have been probably 6 months total that he was on nothing. Most of the time his addiction was 'managable', he was seemingly normal and I had no clue, but in the last 2 years it's spiraled out of control SEVERAL times.
I've been going to go through all of my posts here and make a timeline. As Impurrfect said I need to PLAY THE TAPE THROUGH. There are good parts to every movie, but that doesn't mean it's worth paying $10 to the movie theatre to watch it a second time.
Through it all he's slowly became a friend, not a husband. Not someone who I'm proud to be with or respectful, or that has my back or that provides for his family. I'm still playing the mom here. Making sure he doesn't stay up too late because he'll be worthless in the morning, making sure he's where he says he's going to be, harping on him to quit his terrible Mt. Dew habit, harping on him to quit smoking so much, please pick up after yourself, did you call a about b, did you call c about d? Is this taken care of, is that taken care of. It's a full time job and I'm tired. If he's just a friend now, he's a high maintenance friend that I don't need in my day to day life. He can be a friend from a distance. You're all probably shaking your head thinking if THIS is her friend, I'd hate to see her enemies! You're right on that. I guess it's just this deep connection that we've always had. A bond because we've been through SO much together we grew up together! (well one of us did ). I have SO much time invested and I'm not a quitter. If I set my mind to something, I usually get it.
I need to read Cynical's post about investment again, I remember her posting it, and it made alot of sense.
Today I'm scared to death, but I'll follow through. The coffee's brewing, your diet sprite is ready Amy. I'll move it to the conference room if necessary to accomodate all of my cyberfriends. This has to be the end of an era in my life. I'm very sad, but in the back of my mind there is a glimmer of hope for the future. I know that I just have to pick up my feet and walk THROUGH it. For too long I start the journey and run back home, back home to what's familiar. That familiarity has become too uncertain though, too toxic. I thank you ALL so much for your words of support and your kicks in the a$$ the last several days. Whenever I begin to doubt myself I come running back here and re-read. It's helped me keep the focus. I can pick up the phone anytime and call family or friends, but they don't really understand addiction like everyone here. Please pray for me today to find peace in my decision.
In the end, it doesn't matter. I'll probably never know the full truth. Just as I'll never know how the he(( he's funding this. I've not given him a dime in a month or so. His mom has been giving him $, but I'm pretty sure she can't afford that much. In the end as Anvil said I'm probably getting partial truths mixed in with a bunch of lies. I'm too tired to even worry about finding out the truth.
TJP - THANK YOU for digging up that post. I remember it very clearly. A few months prior to that he'd had another wreck, a few months prior to that he started heroin, before that he withdrew his entire 401k (prob $30k?) and I had not a clue, a few months before that he'd gotten fired after 19 years @ a VERY good job, a few months before that I had a FULL TIME job of making sure I was @ home to see if he was in any shape to go to work or if he needed to stay home, a few months before that I get a call from his card buddies saying he was in deep. Out of the last 5 years, there have been probably 6 months total that he was on nothing. Most of the time his addiction was 'managable', he was seemingly normal and I had no clue, but in the last 2 years it's spiraled out of control SEVERAL times.
I've been going to go through all of my posts here and make a timeline. As Impurrfect said I need to PLAY THE TAPE THROUGH. There are good parts to every movie, but that doesn't mean it's worth paying $10 to the movie theatre to watch it a second time.
Through it all he's slowly became a friend, not a husband. Not someone who I'm proud to be with or respectful, or that has my back or that provides for his family. I'm still playing the mom here. Making sure he doesn't stay up too late because he'll be worthless in the morning, making sure he's where he says he's going to be, harping on him to quit his terrible Mt. Dew habit, harping on him to quit smoking so much, please pick up after yourself, did you call a about b, did you call c about d? Is this taken care of, is that taken care of. It's a full time job and I'm tired. If he's just a friend now, he's a high maintenance friend that I don't need in my day to day life. He can be a friend from a distance. You're all probably shaking your head thinking if THIS is her friend, I'd hate to see her enemies!
You're right on that. I guess it's just this deep connection that we've always had. A bond because we've been through SO much together we grew up together! (well one of us did ). I have SO much time invested and I'm not a quitter. If I set my mind to something, I usually get it.I need to read Cynical's post about investment again, I remember her posting it, and it made alot of sense.
Today I'm scared to death, but I'll follow through. The coffee's brewing, your diet sprite is ready Amy. I'll move it to the conference room if necessary to accomodate all of my cyberfriends.
This has to be the end of an era in my life. I'm very sad, but in the back of my mind there is a glimmer of hope for the future. I know that I just have to pick up my feet and walk THROUGH it. For too long I start the journey and run back home, back home to what's familiar. That familiarity has become too uncertain though, too toxic. I thank you ALL so much for your words of support and your kicks in the a$$ the last several days. Whenever I begin to doubt myself I come running back here and re-read. It's helped me keep the focus. I can pick up the phone anytime and call family or friends, but they don't really understand addiction like everyone here. Please pray for me today to find peace in my decision.
Last edited by Callie; 01-05-2010 at 06:50 AM. Reason: x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Hi callie, from the divorce queen,(although I'm not proud of that title.... I've learned to laugh at my past experiences).
Here is what I told TWO friends filing for divorce, while we were out talking.... they said I could be a poster-child for "why divorce can be good".
Clicker control. It's all yours now.
Laundry... Us girls usually wear things more than once... you'll be amazed how much less detergent you use. (or drycleaning bills).
Getting ready. Yep, you can take as LONG as you dang well please to 'get ready' when your going out. No one pouting that you take too long!
Temperature. Heat/air-conditioning.... it's all up to you! You want it 74 degrees in your house, you GOT IT!
Food. When it's been just me and the kids, whoa! How easy is that. Couple grilled cheeses and soup, we are content and happy, no mess, not much money!
Girls nites out. I'll say it again, Girls nites out! You get to 'play' again, and not worry, that you got home too late, or the house will be a mess, or that you couldn't flirt with the cute guy sitting next to you!
Quiet time. Ahhhhh, the feeling of a bath robe, with YOUR favorite music playing. Candles and a bubble bath, and no one interrupting you. Kids are sleeping, and you are alone. You can read, you can write.... it's YOUR quite time!
Family. No drama. No push/pull over getting him up and out of the house, pretending to have a nice time. It can be you and the kids, jumping in the car, and being present and happy at family events.
All the things that bugged you.... it's different for everyone. For me, my bed stays basically made when I sleep in it alone! No snoreing! If I want to leave my gas tank on Empty.... no one will bit** at me for doing so! I don't have to answer to anyone, I come and go as I please....
Well callie,
Good luck today.
This had nothing to do with addiction. We all know the plus side to leaving an addict.
I just wanted to give you a little 'divorce' humor, when even WITHOUT addiction, can be a heart-wrenching time.
You can do this, you WILL heal, and there ARE pluses in ANY situation where there are minuses!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Cess
((hugs))
Here is what I told TWO friends filing for divorce, while we were out talking.... they said I could be a poster-child for "why divorce can be good".
Clicker control. It's all yours now.
Laundry... Us girls usually wear things more than once... you'll be amazed how much less detergent you use. (or drycleaning bills).
Getting ready. Yep, you can take as LONG as you dang well please to 'get ready' when your going out. No one pouting that you take too long!
Temperature. Heat/air-conditioning.... it's all up to you! You want it 74 degrees in your house, you GOT IT!
Food. When it's been just me and the kids, whoa! How easy is that. Couple grilled cheeses and soup, we are content and happy, no mess, not much money!
Girls nites out. I'll say it again, Girls nites out! You get to 'play' again, and not worry, that you got home too late, or the house will be a mess, or that you couldn't flirt with the cute guy sitting next to you!
Quiet time. Ahhhhh, the feeling of a bath robe, with YOUR favorite music playing. Candles and a bubble bath, and no one interrupting you. Kids are sleeping, and you are alone. You can read, you can write.... it's YOUR quite time!
Family. No drama. No push/pull over getting him up and out of the house, pretending to have a nice time. It can be you and the kids, jumping in the car, and being present and happy at family events.
All the things that bugged you.... it's different for everyone. For me, my bed stays basically made when I sleep in it alone! No snoreing! If I want to leave my gas tank on Empty.... no one will bit** at me for doing so! I don't have to answer to anyone, I come and go as I please....
Well callie,
Good luck today.
This had nothing to do with addiction. We all know the plus side to leaving an addict.
I just wanted to give you a little 'divorce' humor, when even WITHOUT addiction, can be a heart-wrenching time.
You can do this, you WILL heal, and there ARE pluses in ANY situation where there are minuses!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Cess
((hugs))
Last edited by cessy68; 01-05-2010 at 06:53 AM. Reason: spelling
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
