TheeDaughter

I am TheeDaughter of 6 and my Mom is addicted to prescription pills. My parents met at a young age and got pregnant young. My dad ended up getting a good job but one where he was always away from home, my mom became a young parent and never grew up. They had 3 girls my older sister, Me and my younger sister. My mom hurt her back on several different occasions when we were young and never recovered. My mom got pregnant with a boy 11 years after and ended up homsechooling us, and babysitting for a job. As a result of that she got out of shape, and depressed, which in then resulted in more back pain and more medication. After several more years of depression, more pain and more medication things got bad, she emotionally, verbally, and physically abused us. My dad was getting tired of all the problems and started falling away, and that cause my mom to have 2 more children. Now a younger generation of 1 boy, an autistic girl and another girl. With so much stress and all the problems my mom was going through, she put the problems on my sisters (older generation) and I. We went back to public school, came home, took care of our siblings, cleaned, got jobs and gave them the money, we practically did her job. Throughout our high school years we grew up and saw how parents were supposed to act. How a family was supposed to be and that caused rebelion, fights and more problems. The older generation eventually left and lived the lives we never got to live. Now in our young 20's we realize what our second gen. of sibilings have to go through, and want to do something about it. Since we left my dad has ben blinded my mom and doesn't see she is the problem, my younger siblings are protecting her and don't understand that it's not their fault and they are not the problem. We have tried to get her help but because of all the emotional problems we have, we end up blaming our mom, and my dad comes to her defense and it becomes a fight that never gets resolved. My sisters ended up moving back in with my family and are seeing how bad it has gotten and we want to do something serious. Change the way our family is living. We want to get my mom psychological help, get her off the pills, get my dad out of denial and get those kids in a heathly environment. The thing is we don't know what to do, my mom thinks shes ok and doesn't need help, my dad doesn't want to open his eyes, and take repsonsibilty. So what do we do? what can we do? We want to do an intervention but is it going to work if she doesn't think she is the problem? We are willing to take the children away and raise them ouselves, but is that the only way to get them out of that situation. We want to yell at our dad and say step up to the plate but will he listen? Is there centers that can take her? detox her? fix all the pyschological problems she has? We've never done this and we need help.

rozied

I really don't know what to say. You cannot change anyone but yourself. You cannot force her to change. From what I read you don't have your dad's support either, so how can you do an intervention?
As I see it you can only get busy living your own life.
As far as your younger siblings & your parents go, you can pray for them.

TheeDaughter

Yah I know, but for several years now that's what we have done, lived our lives, ignored what was going on, and now we can't take it anymore. We (my sisters and I) know what it is like living with them and know how many problems they are going to have when they grow up, we just can't let that go. People say that it isn't our responsibility to take care of them anymore but we were raised that they were our responsibility and we love them too much like our own children, to not take care of them. I know it's going to be full on war once we do address the concern of us changing they way they are living but we're ready in our hearts to go through what needs to be done to fix our family.

Insulated

If you love your mother and father, which is certainly the obvious, try to intervene. It's very very very difficult I know. I intercepted and three individuals including myself tried to talk to an addict. That addict died in our bed of an overdose. The thing with pain pills, is they cause nightmares, irrational behavior, violence, and ones tolerance will grow out of proportion and the amount of pills they have to do increase. Your father may fear your mother going into a rehab because the burden of raising the children will fall soley on him. Have you decided a plan to care for the remaining siblings during her absence, if she does go? Have you explored the cost association with it? The one thing I'm going to say about rehab, and I've got very mixed feelings about it...........when the person is released, there are prescription medications that are going to need to be filled. They are costly, so count your bank roll. Weening is another thing entirely. Also, sometimes, an addict learns more creative ways to DO MORE drugs IN rehab. What I'm saying is, do your homework and research first before bringing an intervention to the table. Having lived through it with a live-in boyfriend of only three years, I can not imagine to give you anything but empathy for this case being your own mother and siblings. Remember, there is a reason that your dad is in denial. He may be using too. You never know. The people who tried to help my ABF and talk sense into him - were actually GIVING him roxicodone! I hope you do decide to help your mom. It can only help. Even if she denies it at first, I assure you, when her head hits that pillow at night, she's going to second guess herself and ask herself if she really does have a problem.

outtolunch

I would not hesitate to get DSFS involved and get the kids out of there.

Mom and dad can decide for themselves what to do, next. That's their business. You can't change them. You can't control them.

tjp613

I agree that you should consider calling Children's Protective Services, especially if you are willing to take the children in. If nothing else, CPS showing up on their doorstep might be the wake up call they need.

You're a good sister and there's a special place in heaven for you, m'dear. Good luck!

Chino

If you look for rehabs in your area they should be able to help you find an interventionist, or give advise on how to have one. Be sure to have a plan B if that fails.

I had to dig out my binder for boundary guidelines, from when my daughter was in rehab. This is the most direct way to address your mom. Here you go:

You can use that as well with your dad.

Just be sure you are fully prepared and ready to act, because all hell with probably break loose pretty fast.

God bless you and yours.

coffeedrinker

I vote for the interventionist - he/she will help educate your father as well.

After that fails, call the county. I did this to my sister and she lost her 9-year-old. It was the best thing for the child and I eventually ended up finishing to raise that girl.

Also, look for an Alateen in your area, for the younger sibs. They need support, education, and the feeling that they are not alone.

teke

HI, I'M so sorry you and your sister are having to go through all of this. you've come to a good place for support and encouragement. i agree with first trying to find an interventionist and if that fails, i guess i would have to say call dept. of family and children, too, especially since you and your sister are willing to take care of the younger ones if it comes to that.

i'm a recovering addict with kids, i have older kids and other family members who were ready and willing to take my kids and that was a big wake up for me. they stepped in for my kids and they walked away from me allowing me to hit my bottom, causing me to want to desperately seek help for myself. today i'm grateful that they did and i'm now a few yrs clean.

when your mom is ready to help herself, you can direct her to maybe the salvation army or maybe there is a free state run rehab. other than that, there is not much you can do to help her or your dad, they will have to want to help themselves. alanon or naranon are f2f support groups for you and your sister and there is alateen for the younger ones. maybe check your area and try to attend a few meetings.

i think you and your sister are awesome and that your siblings are blessed to have the both of you.

i will keep all of you in my prayers