Went Throught My Mom's Stuff
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 94
Went Throught My Mom's Stuff
When she died she only left a purse and box of jewelry.
It's been sitting in my closet because I've been too scared to look through it.
Today I finally decided to do it.
Her purse had some old makeup and her hair brush, her wallet - which contained just a few business cards for police officers and me and my brother's birth certificates and her driver's license.
I found a piece of a straw in there too - I figured I'd find something along those lines.
Her jewelry box was filled with junk - just costume jewelry that looks like it came from a second hand shop.
It is so incredibly sad that her most prized possessions were these pieces of junk from a second hand shop. All broken and tarnished and falling apart.
It's nice to at least have some of her stuff - but it's actually made me feel worse since I looked at it.
Just wanted to share.
It's been sitting in my closet because I've been too scared to look through it.
Today I finally decided to do it.
Her purse had some old makeup and her hair brush, her wallet - which contained just a few business cards for police officers and me and my brother's birth certificates and her driver's license.
I found a piece of a straw in there too - I figured I'd find something along those lines.
Her jewelry box was filled with junk - just costume jewelry that looks like it came from a second hand shop.
It is so incredibly sad that her most prized possessions were these pieces of junk from a second hand shop. All broken and tarnished and falling apart.
It's nice to at least have some of her stuff - but it's actually made me feel worse since I looked at it.
Just wanted to share.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Kimmy: I don't know the details of your story, but i just wanted to write and say that i know your sadness. My father, who never found sobriety/recovery, committed suicide when i was 21 years old. He was about 45 when i was born, so in my childhood years of living with him he was at an advanced stage of alcoholism.
So i'm glad you are coming here to put words to your grief. There are many of us who understand what you are going through and the type of grief that you are experiencing.
I am praying for you today, praying that you will remember to be very gentle with yourself in this next spit of time as you wrap your thoughts around these material things of your mother's and the significance attached to them.
Please remember that you are loved - first of all by your HP, by the physical friends/family in your life, and by your friends here in cyberspace.
Sojourner
So i'm glad you are coming here to put words to your grief. There are many of us who understand what you are going through and the type of grief that you are experiencing.
I am praying for you today, praying that you will remember to be very gentle with yourself in this next spit of time as you wrap your thoughts around these material things of your mother's and the significance attached to them.
Please remember that you are loved - first of all by your HP, by the physical friends/family in your life, and by your friends here in cyberspace.
Sojourner
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm sorry kimm. i too know that sadness. i lost my father at an early age, i don't even remember his face now(no pictures) but i have missed him all my life. i also lost my younger brother a few yrs back. it does get better with time is all i can say.
i agree with sojouner, cherish what you do have of your mother, she's at peace now and i'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
i agree with sojouner, cherish what you do have of your mother, she's at peace now and i'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Kimm))) - I'm sorry, sweetie. I would think that instead of the costume jewelry being her most prized possessions, you and your brother's birth certificates were probably what she cherished the most.
I'm an RA and believe me, we don't keep up with stuff like that very well. The very fact that she still had those....well, I can say that's pretty rare for an A. Heck, I couldn't even keep up with a purse!
I know you are hurting and I'm so sorry. I remember what you went through before her death. I also know, as an RA that it wasn't that she didn't love you...she just didn't find her way into recovery before it was too late. Her using had nothing to do with you, sweetie - it wasn't "at" you, it wasn't that she chose it over you. The stuff just takes over our minds and when we DO have moments of clarity, of what we're doing to our loved ones, unless we're ready for recovery, our answer is to use more...it's what we do to deal with the shame, remorse...pretty much any feeling.
Big hugs and prayers to you, sweetie.
Amy
I'm an RA and believe me, we don't keep up with stuff like that very well. The very fact that she still had those....well, I can say that's pretty rare for an A. Heck, I couldn't even keep up with a purse!
I know you are hurting and I'm so sorry. I remember what you went through before her death. I also know, as an RA that it wasn't that she didn't love you...she just didn't find her way into recovery before it was too late. Her using had nothing to do with you, sweetie - it wasn't "at" you, it wasn't that she chose it over you. The stuff just takes over our minds and when we DO have moments of clarity, of what we're doing to our loved ones, unless we're ready for recovery, our answer is to use more...it's what we do to deal with the shame, remorse...pretty much any feeling.
Big hugs and prayers to you, sweetie.
Amy
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
My mom died @ 1 1/2 years ago, kimm.
I can tell you that she didn't leave too much in personal "stuff."
And there was junk jewelry there too.
But, each piece of it meant something to "her."
Just like your birth certificates did.
You may not know what it meant to her; I didn't know for some of it either.
But, she told me of some, and I knew of others.
But, if she kept it,
It was there for a reason.
Be sure.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
And I *do* understand it.
I can tell you that she didn't leave too much in personal "stuff."
And there was junk jewelry there too.
But, each piece of it meant something to "her."
Just like your birth certificates did.
You may not know what it meant to her; I didn't know for some of it either.
But, she told me of some, and I knew of others.
But, if she kept it,
It was there for a reason.
Be sure.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
And I *do* understand it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
Hi Kimmy, Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 3 years ago to cirrosis. Once a vibrant, happy women. When I packed her belongings it broke my heart. I keep what little she had like her birth certificate, her health card in my end table. Every once in a while I pull it out just to know I have something that belonged to her. I kept thinking how things could have been so different. Time does heal, and know she is in a place of peace and contentment. Cherish the wonderful memories you had with her.
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