And the addicted sister is on her way out again
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
You know what hon~~you can only love her cause shes your sister. I know the addiction part of her is horrible but just tell yourself you won't deal with that part. When shes ready she will straighten up and fly right. I can only send you hus with this situation. You have to do what makes you feel good cause I don't know all the circumstances.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tandem545))) - I was once your sister...had all the best of intentions, but once I had that first hit (my DOC was crack) - all intentions were forgotten.
My family loved me enough to keep their distance....let me fall on my face, deal with all the consequences my using caused me, and find my way back up. It didn't happen in THEIR time. I don't know that I would have EVER been ready to quit, but I DID get tired of the darned consequences and getting locked up helped me reach my bottom.
I'm sorry for your pain...I regret the pain that I caused to my family but I have spent the past almost-3-years making it up to them. We can recover, but it has to be our decision and we have to want it more than anything else.
One thing that helped me, tremendously, was seeing my family go on with their lives. Though I knew they loved me, they didn't sit around, waiting for me to come to my senses. They had, what I wanted to become a part of, again, when I got into recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My family loved me enough to keep their distance....let me fall on my face, deal with all the consequences my using caused me, and find my way back up. It didn't happen in THEIR time. I don't know that I would have EVER been ready to quit, but I DID get tired of the darned consequences and getting locked up helped me reach my bottom.
I'm sorry for your pain...I regret the pain that I caused to my family but I have spent the past almost-3-years making it up to them. We can recover, but it has to be our decision and we have to want it more than anything else.
One thing that helped me, tremendously, was seeing my family go on with their lives. Though I knew they loved me, they didn't sit around, waiting for me to come to my senses. They had, what I wanted to become a part of, again, when I got into recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 136
(((imperrfect)))
[QUOTE=Impurrfect;2469148
One thing that helped me, tremendously, was seeing my family go on with their lives. Though I knew they loved me, they didn't sit around, waiting for me to come to my senses. They had, what I wanted to become a part of, again, when I got into recovery.
[/QUOTE]
Can you elaborate on what helped you more? The sentence above (which I hope I used the quote button correctly) made me think.....
Did seeing your family or loved ones go on with their lives really HELP you get clean? It is hard to go on with our lives and not be consumed with their addiction. The guilt, sadness and sometimes the feeling of wanting to HELP them somehow or someway sometimes overwhelms me to the point of not wanting to or being able to go on with my normal day to day life. More so around the holidays!
Thanks for any input
[QUOTE=Impurrfect;2469148
One thing that helped me, tremendously, was seeing my family go on with their lives. Though I knew they loved me, they didn't sit around, waiting for me to come to my senses. They had, what I wanted to become a part of, again, when I got into recovery.
[/QUOTE]
Can you elaborate on what helped you more? The sentence above (which I hope I used the quote button correctly) made me think.....
Did seeing your family or loved ones go on with their lives really HELP you get clean? It is hard to go on with our lives and not be consumed with their addiction. The guilt, sadness and sometimes the feeling of wanting to HELP them somehow or someway sometimes overwhelms me to the point of not wanting to or being able to go on with my normal day to day life. More so around the holidays!
Thanks for any input
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Tchappy)) by my choice, I detached from my family. I was already living 1-1/2 hours away, but had always kept in touch by phone, visited very often. Once I started using, I NEVER called, NEVER came home.
My dad would come down, every few months, find me on the streets, take me to a fast-food drive-thru and we would go to the park and eat. I would tell him not to give me money, as I would use it on drugs, but he would still give me $5.
Other than that, my family didn't try to contact me AT ALL...even though they knew where I was...basically...I was living on the streets. When my stepsister gave birth to my nephew, she and my nephew both almost died....no one contacted me. I have apologized to my stepsister, but she holds no grudges (she went through her own addiction a while ago, but she's just not one to hold a grudge). I feel HORRIBLE that I was not here for her..that they could have died and I wouldn't have even known.
My dad and stepmom were raising my niece (her mom had died at the age of 18, Brit (my niece) was 1). I had been there, for that child ALL the time until I started using. I lost 3 years of her life. SHE is the one who told my dad that I was using drugs...from what she had learned in school and what she saw the one time I'd come home.
I got locked up, spent a month in county jail then almost 5 months in a diversion center (like a work release program...but still locked up). After a month, I could come home on "day pass" and I would come home and eat and sleep, as I couldn't sleep at the center with 4:30 wake-up calls, being a light sleeper and having 5 roommates. Brit was 12, by then.
Long story short, I stayed "clean" for a year, but relapsed for 2 weeks. I lost a lot in those 2 weeks, but I got back on track in a hurry. I was living at home and my dad and stepmom gave me ONE MORE chance because of how hard I'd worked to get my life back on track, and because I immediately began trying to find another job, working with my dad, etc. I managed to get another job with the same company I'd been working, due to my work record.
Today, I have a pretty awesome relationship with my family. At the ripe old age of 48 (yeah, I built up to my addiction over time and didn't get really stupid until I was about 40, and it took a while before I got caught) I am still living at home, broke as heck but I'm happy.
My dad DID pay off my fine to get me out of the diversion center only because they were charging me rent, put a limit on the hours I could work (basically, they were in it for the money) and I would have been there forever. I paid him back within 2-3 months. He has loaned me money several times, and I've ALWAYS paid him back. I am forced to stay in the job I have because of a lawsuit I have against workmen's comp for the way they handled a robbery in which I was hurt. I'm back in school to get a CAREER instead of waiting tables. I walked away from being an RN to a crack addict.
Today, my family is proud of me. I am Brit's favorite person. If my dad had stepped in and bailed me out (especially with money) I wouldn't be here. Yes, he has helped me out in my RECOVERY, but in my active using, he never gave me more than $5, offered to pay for rehab (I could have got it for free - didn't want it). He did buy me clothes, one time, but they were stolen, so I wouldn't even recommend that.
I know it went against every bone in his body to do what he did...to not help me. I watched him cry. When I relapsed, he threatened to call my PO and that's what got me home...facing time in prison. I had to call him to come get me as I was out of gas and he did. He paid my bills for that month, but as I went right back to work, worked every hour possible, I had him paid back in 2 months (I had over $700 in bounced check charges, alone).
I'm also a codie, so I know how hard it is. My stepmom has issues with pain pills. My dad is easier on HER than he ever was on me, as she lives here and is the guardian of my niece. However, we have set boundaries, he has watched what I do, and how I handle it (from learning here at SR) and is getting better. I'm trying to teach Brit how NOT to be a codie.
I also left my ex, as he was still using. I loved him dearly, but I just couldn't be around him. I would write to him in jail, saw him at his mama's funeral, but that was the only contact I could allow myself. I just found out he died earlier this month...in a crack house. That could have been me...I should have died, with the crazy stuff I did, but God had other plans.
Sorry this is so long, but I hope it answers some of your questions. I will forever be grateful to my dad/stepmom for the way they handled me in active addiction. I always knew they loved me. There were times, many times, when I would realize how much I was hurting them, but my reaction was to use and forget it. I never used to hurt them, my using had nothing to do with them. Using just took over my brain and it was all I could think about. It's not a matter of choosing drugs over anyone else...to us A's, it's not a choice until we get into recovery and we have the tools to stop and think first...IMO.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My dad would come down, every few months, find me on the streets, take me to a fast-food drive-thru and we would go to the park and eat. I would tell him not to give me money, as I would use it on drugs, but he would still give me $5.
Other than that, my family didn't try to contact me AT ALL...even though they knew where I was...basically...I was living on the streets. When my stepsister gave birth to my nephew, she and my nephew both almost died....no one contacted me. I have apologized to my stepsister, but she holds no grudges (she went through her own addiction a while ago, but she's just not one to hold a grudge). I feel HORRIBLE that I was not here for her..that they could have died and I wouldn't have even known.
My dad and stepmom were raising my niece (her mom had died at the age of 18, Brit (my niece) was 1). I had been there, for that child ALL the time until I started using. I lost 3 years of her life. SHE is the one who told my dad that I was using drugs...from what she had learned in school and what she saw the one time I'd come home.
I got locked up, spent a month in county jail then almost 5 months in a diversion center (like a work release program...but still locked up). After a month, I could come home on "day pass" and I would come home and eat and sleep, as I couldn't sleep at the center with 4:30 wake-up calls, being a light sleeper and having 5 roommates. Brit was 12, by then.
Long story short, I stayed "clean" for a year, but relapsed for 2 weeks. I lost a lot in those 2 weeks, but I got back on track in a hurry. I was living at home and my dad and stepmom gave me ONE MORE chance because of how hard I'd worked to get my life back on track, and because I immediately began trying to find another job, working with my dad, etc. I managed to get another job with the same company I'd been working, due to my work record.
Today, I have a pretty awesome relationship with my family. At the ripe old age of 48 (yeah, I built up to my addiction over time and didn't get really stupid until I was about 40, and it took a while before I got caught) I am still living at home, broke as heck but I'm happy.
My dad DID pay off my fine to get me out of the diversion center only because they were charging me rent, put a limit on the hours I could work (basically, they were in it for the money) and I would have been there forever. I paid him back within 2-3 months. He has loaned me money several times, and I've ALWAYS paid him back. I am forced to stay in the job I have because of a lawsuit I have against workmen's comp for the way they handled a robbery in which I was hurt. I'm back in school to get a CAREER instead of waiting tables. I walked away from being an RN to a crack addict.
Today, my family is proud of me. I am Brit's favorite person. If my dad had stepped in and bailed me out (especially with money) I wouldn't be here. Yes, he has helped me out in my RECOVERY, but in my active using, he never gave me more than $5, offered to pay for rehab (I could have got it for free - didn't want it). He did buy me clothes, one time, but they were stolen, so I wouldn't even recommend that.
I know it went against every bone in his body to do what he did...to not help me. I watched him cry. When I relapsed, he threatened to call my PO and that's what got me home...facing time in prison. I had to call him to come get me as I was out of gas and he did. He paid my bills for that month, but as I went right back to work, worked every hour possible, I had him paid back in 2 months (I had over $700 in bounced check charges, alone).
I'm also a codie, so I know how hard it is. My stepmom has issues with pain pills. My dad is easier on HER than he ever was on me, as she lives here and is the guardian of my niece. However, we have set boundaries, he has watched what I do, and how I handle it (from learning here at SR) and is getting better. I'm trying to teach Brit how NOT to be a codie.
I also left my ex, as he was still using. I loved him dearly, but I just couldn't be around him. I would write to him in jail, saw him at his mama's funeral, but that was the only contact I could allow myself. I just found out he died earlier this month...in a crack house. That could have been me...I should have died, with the crazy stuff I did, but God had other plans.
Sorry this is so long, but I hope it answers some of your questions. I will forever be grateful to my dad/stepmom for the way they handled me in active addiction. I always knew they loved me. There were times, many times, when I would realize how much I was hurting them, but my reaction was to use and forget it. I never used to hurt them, my using had nothing to do with them. Using just took over my brain and it was all I could think about. It's not a matter of choosing drugs over anyone else...to us A's, it's not a choice until we get into recovery and we have the tools to stop and think first...IMO.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I never used to hurt them, my using had nothing to do with them. Using just took over my brain and it was all I could think about. It's not a matter of choosing drugs over anyone else...to us A's, it's not a choice until we get into recovery and we have the tools to stop and think first...IMO.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, i'm a recovering addict too and impurrfect said it better than i ever could. her story sounds almost exactly like mine. it helped me for my family to walk away and go on living their lives too.
i'm sure they suffered but to me, it seemed like they were having the time of their lives and yes, i hurt to have the kind of life thay had too. if they had not made the decisions that they made, i just don't know where i'd be today or if i'd be.
you and your family are in my prayers.
i'm sure they suffered but to me, it seemed like they were having the time of their lives and yes, i hurt to have the kind of life thay had too. if they had not made the decisions that they made, i just don't know where i'd be today or if i'd be.
you and your family are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I can't speak as an addict, only as a person who has consciously removed myself from others a time or two in life, due to foolish pride. Each time my loved ones went on without me while still loving me. Eventually I always wanted/needed what they had to offer and returned back to the fold.
This reminds me of the prodigal son
This reminds me of the prodigal son
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