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How do I get past the hurt?

Old 12-23-2009, 07:32 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Location: Dallas, TX
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Hi,

When I finally decided I truely had enough I made a plan. That week I knew he would be gone on Friday night. That was his usual go get more drugs night. So, I changed the locks and disabled the garage opener, then told him to get his stuff the next morning. It worked! He realized then I was serious, because I had asked him to leave also about 5 times.

If I would not have done this he would still be here and I would be in HELL.

So, just a thought, that when you are REALLY ready for him to be gone, you will know it and you will do what needs to be done to make sure he can't get back in.

Yes, he will be mad or upset, but you will feel free of the insanity.

Hang in there and know that it will get better, you just need to take that first step towards that better life.
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Old 12-23-2009, 08:08 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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My AH always offered to leave - said he didn't need to put up with my bull-crap, that I was crazy, needed help, etc. They always try to deflect any responsibility! My AH always offered to leave cause that was his free ride and perfect excuse to do exactly what he wanted to do - get high.

If it's only your name on the lease, just tell him he needs to go - that he's no longer welcome as long as he's using. He has the best of both worlds right now and you need to change that for him and give yourself some peace. Change the locks and if he comes and starts threatening you, call the police. They will most likely let him get some of his stuff out of the house under their supervision and tell him to leave you alone and give you some options if he comes back.

I wish you the best of luck. I know for me, it took several "practice" runs before I got it right and stuck to my guns and quit worrying about my husband and what he was doing. Give yourself the greatest Christmas gift of all.
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Old 12-24-2009, 11:19 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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i just wonder if paprika's husband is violent. she has said he will harrass her/threaten her. paprika, you know how he is when he is in a rage, but if he is using meth i would tread carefully. no matter how much you believe "he would never do that" if he's on meth all bets are off. and the thing is, when he's high, you won't hear from him and he'll be enjoying himself, but when he comes down is when he'll flip out.

consider calling the polic again, tell them he is in your home w/out permission. i think they don't like to get involved in domestics, but tough. try to make them do the heavy lifting if you can. if you feel certain you are safe then i would most certainly change the locks, with his stuff outside in the hallway if you know he's on his way over.

i also know (about me) that i am much more determined when i am angry and much more sympathetic when i'm hurt. tap into that anger - use it for the power it will give you!
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Old 12-27-2009, 08:51 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I'm not sure what state you are in, but in NY even if he IS on the lease, you can get him out. (Especially if you feel threatened in any way) If you don't get the answers you need from local police, call your State Police. Change the locks and make sure your landlord has a copy but not him. That way he has no access to the house and they CAN arrest him for tresspassing. (Or B&E if he's that dumb) Do you have a PO Box or a physical address? If it's a physical address, he can prove residence by his mail. Good luck to you and STAY STRONG. Every day that passes will be easier. Get a journal and write down all the bad things he's done in the past year. Then, write down the good. Put it on the refrigerator. Also, this is a good one to put in view and READ IT EVERYDAY: (It is not one of my originals, it is borrowed)

"He does not dictate my self worth or anyting that has to do with who I am as a person. He chooses his own reality and makes his own decisions, not me. It's not my job; it's his for the rest of his life. Only I can dictate my own happines and positive self esteem and I am happy about that. In the past, relying on others for it was unrealistic, unhealthy and fake. I make my own reality."

Good luck to you!
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