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He looked horrible

Old 12-15-2009, 09:05 AM
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He looked horrible

Not a good day today. Spouse and I have detached from AS, its been difficult however we realize no amount of help from us will help him. This is his battle. Received a phone call from him at work this morning asking me for help. I wasnt going to go but I did. I picked him up dowtown, his coat was covered with blood, soles falling off his shoes, black eyes and a swollen mouth. He said someone beat him up last nite. I couldnt be bothered with the details it would probably be a lie. It is so sad seeing him like this, he broke down crying the usual " he feels like comitting suicide" "Every day is a struggle," "he just gets on his feet and everything colapses". I bought him a sandwich and coffee and dropped him off where he is staying ( it looks like a rat infested hole.) I pray daily for his recovery, it is just a vicious circle with him. I cried all the way back to work, keep thinking is he ever going to find recovery. He is 22 years old, he looks 10 years older. I know the chances he may choose to live this way for years to come. Its just so sad, no one truly understand until you are the parent of an addict.
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Old 12-15-2009, 09:23 AM
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I understand.

Many hugs for you and all parents who find themselves in our shoes.
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Old 12-15-2009, 09:55 AM
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If I ever have to walk in your shoes I pray I do it with as much love and grace as you have shown.

Prayers on the way for your entire family.
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:00 AM
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Katie, Just hugs from another mom. I know how you feel. If my son wasnt in jail I have no idea where he would be. Hang in there and dont give up hope. This is not an easy road we walk, but we can walk it together.
Take care, Stef
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:05 AM
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Katie, you know I have been where you are, and my heart goes out to you today.

You ARE doing the right thing, sweetie, and buying him something to eat was also a nice thing to do.

If he needs clothes, the Salvation Army will provide him with coat, shoes, boots, gloves or whatever basics he needs. There are detox's that will help him when he is ready. There are special soup kitchens that will feed him, especially this time of year, and he can go to any hospital and get treated for his injuries (this is one are I am grateful Canada provides for free). There are meetings every day, and rehabs that will find him space if he goes to Detox first.

My point is, there IS help out there for him, when he is ready to reach out.

If he is like my son, it may just take living like he is living to motivate him to go, to reach out and surrender.

We have no guarantees, I can't tell you what his future holds, I can't tell you what it holds for us either. But there is much better help out there for him and my son too, than you or I could ever give.

And there is always hope, Katie, if you doubt that just read a few forums up and you will see people who are reaching out today and others who reached out a long time ago, and who have found a better path. I read those forums sometimes just to rekindle my flame of hope.

This is our hardest time of year, I think. What helps me most is to give my son to God's care and just keep praying. Your son is in my prayers too, Katie, and he may be closer to reaching out than you think.

Hugs from my heart to yours
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:08 AM
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Thanks for your post. Just be there for him when he is ready. In the meantime find happiness where ever you can, it is out there. We can't appreciate the sweet without the bitter.
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:08 AM
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Hi Katie. I'm sorry he's not doing well. Is this the son that robs you blind every time you let him in the house? Or do I have him confused with someone else? Please be cautious. I'm glad you took him to HIS 'home' and not yours. Your son has choices - recovery is one of them. Do you think he's any closer?
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:37 AM
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Katie,
I'm sorry but I'm proud of you. Thank you for loving him from afar. He knows you love him. And you love him enough to let him life his life the way he's choosing to. What a strong and amazing person you are. And like Ann said...free health care? Y'all are so blessed to be in Canada.
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:00 AM
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Oh my.....I knew I shouldn't have read this. I am estranged from my AS as well. I hear the same things from him. It is heartbreaking for a mother to watch, isn't it? I do pretty well most of the time, but like you, sometimes I breakdown and have contact and it sets me back. I have to pray and concentrate to find my serenity again.
gentle hugs
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:10 AM
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Hi katie, I give you alot of credit for going to see your son and offering a meal. With my son, its up and down and we do have contact so far. It breaks my heart to read your story but I'm proud of you for doing the right thing and taking him to where he is living. There has to be a special place for all of us that deal with our children and addiction. Stay strong through the holidays and know I'm sending a prayer for you and your family to the heavens....Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:49 AM
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Thankyou for your postings. I wouldnt take him home it would just be the same cycle again, broken promises, lies and chaos. Your right Kitty he is the one that has stolen our business cheques time and time again. I think come March he will be going to jail. ( finally ) he needs to face his consequences, the crown keeps giving him probation etc. That is what is so sad with addiction we always have to proceed with caution. He just looks so broken, so sad, tired, and really messed up. Truly I dont know if he is any closer to recovery. I dont get my hopes up with him anymore. Its the depression that worries me, he constantly talks about giving up the struggle. I dont know if it is a manipulative tactic or he means it. What he does finally get is he is no longer in our home, nor our business, no more money nothing. I guess no pain, no consequences he will never get better. Truly he looked horrible all beat up covered in blood . It made me angry to see him this way. All I could think " are you ever going to go into recovery"
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:31 PM
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Hi Katie,

Being broken is good when you are an addict because it means you are that much closer to your bottom. Unfortunately, the bad news is that some people choose not to recover when they hit their bottom. But we must give the addicts in our lives over to a higher power and trust in his plan.

The good new is that your son is young Katie. His chances are very good. And your tough love will be a light for him when he is ready.
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:02 PM
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Katie,

Hugs from mom to mom. I'll never forget what a wise man told me when I first got here, he told me I could love my son right into his grave... that my "helping" was really enabling and it was really getting in the way of his life lessons.

More mom hugs
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:33 PM
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i feel your pain. i know how intense it can get.please go to meetings & stay with us.
it is so sad to see your child as he is but he wants to live like that. not nothing u can do. take care of you. it can get easier. hugs & prayers for u both.
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:57 PM
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I am so very sorry, Katie. My heart is breaking for you and your husband.....AND your son. I will pray for you all.
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Old 12-15-2009, 08:00 PM
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(((Katie))) - I'm sorry that he's still out there, but I'm proud of the way you handled it. My dad saw me at my worst...living on the streets, looking pretty darned bad. I can imagine that buying me lunch, then dropping me back off in "the 'hood" was extremely hard on him. I hope your son finds recovery soon, but like (((Kitty))) said, we have to hand over our A's to a higher power and let them handle it.

Big hugs and prayers to you!

Amy
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Old 12-15-2009, 08:19 PM
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May you find peace during this difficult time
you and your son are in my prayers....

"I once was lost but now am found"

it does happen
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:28 PM
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to repeat what Ann stated YES, " And there is always hope "

Even when we detach ( for ourselves ) we can still let our AS know we love them
with a sandwich and coffee and stay just close enough to give them a glimpse of the family that will welcome them back...when they become ready.

My 25 yr old son showed up at my work once at age 21, just after he'd been beat up... and MIA for awhile. I can relate.
But he is sober today. Be patient and stay strong. Continue to reach out for all the support you need to get through the heartbreaking yrs.
But he is sober today a
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:25 AM
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Thankyou all. I know there is hope truly, just a bad day yesterday. I have handed him over to a higher power its been a long, twisted road but I now know it is the only way. For my sanity and his recovery. As I layed awake last nite " I thought who would want to be homeless, steal from people, have the soles on your shoes falling off in the middle of winter. A million thoughts raced through my mind. I pray he gets sick of being sick of living like this. Isnt it funny how we all go through the process of trying to help the addict, nearly letting it destroy our mental well being only to realize we are totally powerless over others addictions.
How true "just to give them a glimpse of the family that may one day welcome them back"
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Old 12-16-2009, 07:15 PM
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Katie,

It's so hard and painful, but you are doing the right thing. May your son and mine and everyone stuck in the horrible web of addiction find their path.

Prayers for you and your family.
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