The beginning or the end??????
Justme
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Ojai,Ca
Posts: 44
The beginning or the end??????
Eleven years.... I thought if we could just get past the addiction but the truth is you really never do. My X and I finally ended it. WE have been done for almost a year it feels like yesterday I had him leave but when I through him out honestly I was done and somewhere deep down inside I wanted him to be sorry and want to change. He is a heroin addict and had been clean for about a year and had met some new people from work I think he wanted to create this new person and he tried to include me but at some point I think he just wanted to do what he wanted and as long as he wasn't using he felt he didn't need to answer to anyone. I just couldn't live that way he started smoking weed and taking off coming home like 3am. He literaly met some chick 3wks after I through him out but I wouldn't put it past him if she was in the picture before that. I thought I was gonna die. Now he started to bring her around our children and brought her to his familys for thanxgiving. Shortly after I found out she is pregnet. I thought my world ended everything I never thought he would do he has done. I finally excepted it is over but I am so bitter. I know he is back slidding on heroin but I still feel robbed. So many years of herion and in and out of prison. It wasn' t suppose to be this way. Just hoping someone can tell me that it gets easier.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It WILL get easier, I promise.
Regardless of who our addict is, our child or our partner, there comes a time where I think we need to grieve the loss of the person they used to be, who they are no more. And the loss of dreams we had for our future with them.
You went through 11 years of chaos, it became the "familiar" life even though it was dysfunctional. It's easier sometimes to stay in the familiar, even when it keeps us stuck.
I know that, for me, when I began working my own program, worked through the grief that had become my life, and found my balance again, I could see things through clearer eyes.
You deserve a life so much better than the way you were living. Good things await you, once you have let go of the past. Addiction is a progressive disease, and pot is just substituting one drug for another, so nothing has changed with him. But it has for you and time will help you move forward.
One day you will look back at all this and wonder how you stayed so long.
Indeed, it does get better, much better. Just keep moving forward and working your own program of recovery.
Hugs
Regardless of who our addict is, our child or our partner, there comes a time where I think we need to grieve the loss of the person they used to be, who they are no more. And the loss of dreams we had for our future with them.
You went through 11 years of chaos, it became the "familiar" life even though it was dysfunctional. It's easier sometimes to stay in the familiar, even when it keeps us stuck.
I know that, for me, when I began working my own program, worked through the grief that had become my life, and found my balance again, I could see things through clearer eyes.
You deserve a life so much better than the way you were living. Good things await you, once you have let go of the past. Addiction is a progressive disease, and pot is just substituting one drug for another, so nothing has changed with him. But it has for you and time will help you move forward.
One day you will look back at all this and wonder how you stayed so long.
Indeed, it does get better, much better. Just keep moving forward and working your own program of recovery.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
honey, it does get earier. you will find a good life for yourself. i understaand the bitterness. that is ok. you will get past that. you will wakre up to a new day & new beginnings. stick with this group & we will all help u through this. keep coming back. hugs & PRAYERS,
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, i agree, it does get so much easier and your life gets better. it took me 21yrs to except that my ah was gonna do what he wanted to do. there was a time when i couldn't see how to get from one minute to the next so i do understand how you feel. his actions has nothing to do with you so keep moving forward, keep reading and posting. one step at a time, you will get to the other side of this. you are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Gosh, you could have been writing my story. My exAH and I were together 20 yrs when
I finally though him out. He had been in and out of jails, rehabs, and finally prison.
I couldn't take it any more. Like you, I thought he would change if he had nothing.
He'd already lost his job, his family wasn't speaking to him because of work they'd paid
him to do on their house he never completed. And finally his home, wife & 3 wonderful
kids.
But, addicts are very resourceful. He started staying in a building out back at the drug dealers (same road as my house). So we had to endure seeing him pass by every so
often. He hasn't seen the kids since he left a year ago. He called me several times
in the months after he left, wanting to come back. I said NO each time, although it was
hard. But I knew he hadn't found recovery, and I couldn't go back to living the way it
was. He too, found a GF at the drug dealers, they are now "pregnant" with the baby due on his birthday. He's so excited.
Well, for about 6 months after he left, I grieved for the loss of my marriage. I thought
I had worked through everything. But, a tree fell on the house recently during a wind storm, and the insurance check had both out names on it. I had to get him to meet me at the bank to deposit since his name is not on my account. (Offered gas $ to get him to come... it worked
) He's still messed up but the sadness that followed me the rest of the week just kind of came out of nowhere. But I had read you will have sadness, you just have to work through it, and it will pass.
I share all of this with you, to tell you it does get better. Keep working on getting yourself healthy emotionally. We go through alot when living with active addiction.
We need healing too. Coming here and just reading when I'm feeling sad or mixed up
helps so much. I hope you'll keep reading and posting!
I finally though him out. He had been in and out of jails, rehabs, and finally prison.
I couldn't take it any more. Like you, I thought he would change if he had nothing.
He'd already lost his job, his family wasn't speaking to him because of work they'd paid
him to do on their house he never completed. And finally his home, wife & 3 wonderful
kids.
But, addicts are very resourceful. He started staying in a building out back at the drug dealers (same road as my house). So we had to endure seeing him pass by every so
often. He hasn't seen the kids since he left a year ago. He called me several times
in the months after he left, wanting to come back. I said NO each time, although it was
hard. But I knew he hadn't found recovery, and I couldn't go back to living the way it
was. He too, found a GF at the drug dealers, they are now "pregnant" with the baby due on his birthday. He's so excited.
Well, for about 6 months after he left, I grieved for the loss of my marriage. I thought
I had worked through everything. But, a tree fell on the house recently during a wind storm, and the insurance check had both out names on it. I had to get him to meet me at the bank to deposit since his name is not on my account. (Offered gas $ to get him to come... it worked
) He's still messed up but the sadness that followed me the rest of the week just kind of came out of nowhere. But I had read you will have sadness, you just have to work through it, and it will pass.I share all of this with you, to tell you it does get better. Keep working on getting yourself healthy emotionally. We go through alot when living with active addiction.
We need healing too. Coming here and just reading when I'm feeling sad or mixed up
helps so much. I hope you'll keep reading and posting!
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