The Ghosts of Christmas Past and Present
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The Ghosts of Christmas Past and Present
I may be a bit early with this, but as you read through it you will see that I will be away over Christmas (but peeking in) so now seemed a good time.
The Ghosts of Christmas Past
I am no longer haunted by this ghost, the ghost of fear and loss and chaos. I remember the Christmas Eve I spent outside a cathedral, waiting for my son to show up for the service. Of course he didn't and I remember praying inside for a Christmas Miracle for him to find recovery and hang on to it. Miracles don't always work out that way, sometimes God has other plans, but I have since learned to trust His plan as the better one and taken my miracles one day at a time.
I remember Christmas past as being a time of wanting everything to be perfect and wanting to be a family that Hallmark and Norman Rockwell dreamed of, and then feeling let down when it was less than perfect, as most Christmas's are for even normies. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and I was "looking" for the wrong things.
I learned, during those Christmas's that by keeping busy, giving time to volunteer, sharing small gifts with children or seniors or people to whom a small gift meant somebody cared. And the funny thing is, that the gifts I got back were far more rewarding than anything I could find under a tree. I got compassion, love, enlightenment, and joy out of sharing with others who had even less than me.
In time, I learned to give up the sadness and fear to my HP who I choose to call God and to keep the lessons of faith, hope and love to see me through even the coldest winter night. I learned that I have a huge family right here at SR who are also experiencing the struggle of finding happiness and I learned to share the small gifts that were so freely given to me by those who went before me, and to whom I am ever grateful.
The Ghost of Christmas Present
This Christmas will be the first that I will celebrate away from home, no longer waiting for the call that never comes. This Christmas Mr. Ann and I will be walking a beach in Florida, enjoying the sunshine and escape from the snowy north. This Christmas will be quieter than some, but filled with peace and love and warm moonlit evenings walking a white beach that goes for miles. We will find a church Christmas Eve and thank God for more blessings than I can count, and perhaps find a way to brighten Christmas for somebody there.
I love the thoughts of Christmas this year, and although it may not be what Hallmark had in mind, it is going to be one of the best Christmas's I have had in years, filled with peace and sunshine.
I don't know what Christmas Future may bring, none of us ever do. But I know that through the years I have learned to hold close the things that are important, and let go of those old ghosts that rarely haunt me anymore. And I learned that bad days don't last forever, pain always heals, and time always brings changes and that I have choices whether to let those changes take me some place good or bad.
So, to all my dear friends here at SR, I wish each one of you a Christmas filled with hope, peace and love. I wish you bright stars to brighten your nights and sunshine to warm your days, and most of all I wish you the gift of recovery that is available to each one of us as we walk this path together.
Love you all more than you can know.
The Ghosts of Christmas Past
I am no longer haunted by this ghost, the ghost of fear and loss and chaos. I remember the Christmas Eve I spent outside a cathedral, waiting for my son to show up for the service. Of course he didn't and I remember praying inside for a Christmas Miracle for him to find recovery and hang on to it. Miracles don't always work out that way, sometimes God has other plans, but I have since learned to trust His plan as the better one and taken my miracles one day at a time.
I remember Christmas past as being a time of wanting everything to be perfect and wanting to be a family that Hallmark and Norman Rockwell dreamed of, and then feeling let down when it was less than perfect, as most Christmas's are for even normies. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and I was "looking" for the wrong things.
I learned, during those Christmas's that by keeping busy, giving time to volunteer, sharing small gifts with children or seniors or people to whom a small gift meant somebody cared. And the funny thing is, that the gifts I got back were far more rewarding than anything I could find under a tree. I got compassion, love, enlightenment, and joy out of sharing with others who had even less than me.
In time, I learned to give up the sadness and fear to my HP who I choose to call God and to keep the lessons of faith, hope and love to see me through even the coldest winter night. I learned that I have a huge family right here at SR who are also experiencing the struggle of finding happiness and I learned to share the small gifts that were so freely given to me by those who went before me, and to whom I am ever grateful.
The Ghost of Christmas Present
This Christmas will be the first that I will celebrate away from home, no longer waiting for the call that never comes. This Christmas Mr. Ann and I will be walking a beach in Florida, enjoying the sunshine and escape from the snowy north. This Christmas will be quieter than some, but filled with peace and love and warm moonlit evenings walking a white beach that goes for miles. We will find a church Christmas Eve and thank God for more blessings than I can count, and perhaps find a way to brighten Christmas for somebody there.
I love the thoughts of Christmas this year, and although it may not be what Hallmark had in mind, it is going to be one of the best Christmas's I have had in years, filled with peace and sunshine.
I don't know what Christmas Future may bring, none of us ever do. But I know that through the years I have learned to hold close the things that are important, and let go of those old ghosts that rarely haunt me anymore. And I learned that bad days don't last forever, pain always heals, and time always brings changes and that I have choices whether to let those changes take me some place good or bad.
So, to all my dear friends here at SR, I wish each one of you a Christmas filled with hope, peace and love. I wish you bright stars to brighten your nights and sunshine to warm your days, and most of all I wish you the gift of recovery that is available to each one of us as we walk this path together.
Love you all more than you can know.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: canada
Posts: 166
Thanks Ann, what a lovely post for this amazing time in all of our lives. I've come to believe that Hallmark doesn't exist and that's just fine.
What I have, love and cherish does and it's real. I wouldn't have it any other way.
What I have, love and cherish does and it's real. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Thank you Ann for a wonderful post.
I love this "I remember Christmas past as being a time of wanting everything to be perfect and wanting to be a family that Hallmark and Norman Rockwell dreamed of, and then feeling let down when it was less than perfect, as most Christmas's are for even normies. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and I was "looking" for the wrong things."
I know my daughter (26) can set herself up expecting holidays, birthdays, etc. to "be" a certain way and then is anxious and then disappointed when it isn't going as she expected. I have learned to want an enjoyable, peaceful day and that makes me happy.
Have a wonderful FL getaway.
I love this "I remember Christmas past as being a time of wanting everything to be perfect and wanting to be a family that Hallmark and Norman Rockwell dreamed of, and then feeling let down when it was less than perfect, as most Christmas's are for even normies. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and I was "looking" for the wrong things."
I know my daughter (26) can set herself up expecting holidays, birthdays, etc. to "be" a certain way and then is anxious and then disappointed when it isn't going as she expected. I have learned to want an enjoyable, peaceful day and that makes me happy.
Have a wonderful FL getaway.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Ann)) have a wonderful time in FL.
I am looking forward to Christmas. This Thanksgiving was the best holiday I've had in years...time with family, a huge dose of gratitude for all that I have, and a reminder of how far I've come and what I could have lost had I kept using. I'm thinking Christmas will be more of the same, as my family has found a new appreciation for each other.
Our home is filled with decorations made by my mom, who died in 1992, as well as those my stepmom has had for years. My 16-year-old niece, Brit, did most of the decorating. It's the perfect blending of Christmas past with Christmas present. We laugh at how she usually leaves the back of the tree undecorated because she can't reach it
Just a few short years ago, I spent Christmas day in a motel room, smoking crack, totally addicted to it, and my now XABF. This year I will be with my family and my furbabies...way, way much better!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I am looking forward to Christmas. This Thanksgiving was the best holiday I've had in years...time with family, a huge dose of gratitude for all that I have, and a reminder of how far I've come and what I could have lost had I kept using. I'm thinking Christmas will be more of the same, as my family has found a new appreciation for each other.
Our home is filled with decorations made by my mom, who died in 1992, as well as those my stepmom has had for years. My 16-year-old niece, Brit, did most of the decorating. It's the perfect blending of Christmas past with Christmas present. We laugh at how she usually leaves the back of the tree undecorated because she can't reach it
Just a few short years ago, I spent Christmas day in a motel room, smoking crack, totally addicted to it, and my now XABF. This year I will be with my family and my furbabies...way, way much better!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Thank you Ann, for sharing this. It shows how much you've really grown and healed and you so deserve this wonderful Christmas Holiday Vacation. It sounds just wonderful. I want you to have the most enjoyable time and am looking forward to hearing about it when you get back. ((((((((((((Warm Christmas Hugs)))))))))))
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I've learned that when life hands me an obstacle, or a difficult time to endure, there is always a gift in there somewhere, a strangely wrapped gift of a lesson or enlightenment or an opportunity I would never have had if I had stayed on the same path.
Those are the best surprise gifts, the ones that come when I'm not even looking.
Those are the best surprise gifts, the ones that come when I'm not even looking.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I've been thinking about the ghosts of Christmas past recently too. In December of 2005 I learned that my sweet child was addicted to heroin. Christmas day was filled with this codie mom trying to make things right as she went through withdrawals. I didn't travel to visit family for New Years as I have always done because she wouldn't come with us and I wouldn't leave her alone. I was so filled with resentment for her choice...Recovery soon helped me understand that not going was my choice and it was my expectations and my attempts to control her and addiction (and lots of other people and events) that were the issues I needed to work on - not attempting to stop her use and control her life.
Have a wonderful, joyful, peaceful Christmas, Ann. I will imagine walking those endless beaches with you and share in the serenity. Thanks for all you share here...you are truly one of God's angels!
Have a wonderful, joyful, peaceful Christmas, Ann. I will imagine walking those endless beaches with you and share in the serenity. Thanks for all you share here...you are truly one of God's angels!
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thank you back, Teach, and all of you who have walked this path with me for so many years, and to those who recently joined us on our journey.
No matter how much you struggle at this time where people seem to struggle more, no matter how hopeless your life may seem today...please know there is hope, always hope, for us and for our addicts too.
Like with that lovely star in the East, we are promised light to guide us on our journey and better days ahead. Just follow the light, we are walking beside you, and know that the promise of over 2000 years ago is alive in our hearts today.
Peace on earth and peace in every Codies heart...this is my Christmas wish for everyone here.
Hugs and Love
No matter how much you struggle at this time where people seem to struggle more, no matter how hopeless your life may seem today...please know there is hope, always hope, for us and for our addicts too.
Like with that lovely star in the East, we are promised light to guide us on our journey and better days ahead. Just follow the light, we are walking beside you, and know that the promise of over 2000 years ago is alive in our hearts today.
Peace on earth and peace in every Codies heart...this is my Christmas wish for everyone here.
Hugs and Love
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Merry Christmas Ann. Make sure you catch the sunrise with a cup of jo. To me, that is the most amazing gift of all.
Oh, and please be safe. Don't accept any candy from strangers, especially if they are dressed in a heavy red coat in Florida. (-:
Christmas present will be a day of gratitude for me, even in the face of the unknown. I give credit for that to all of you wonderful people who help keep my faith in humanity alive.
Love and Hugs
B
Oh, and please be safe. Don't accept any candy from strangers, especially if they are dressed in a heavy red coat in Florida. (-:
Christmas present will be a day of gratitude for me, even in the face of the unknown. I give credit for that to all of you wonderful people who help keep my faith in humanity alive.
Love and Hugs
B
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