Language of Letting Go - Dec. 9 - Asking For Help

Old 12-09-2009, 02:55 AM
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Ann
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Language of Letting Go - Dec. 9 - Asking For Help

Asking for Help

It's okay to ask for help.

One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.

We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.

Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.

It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we'll get the help we need.

There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.

It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.

"My problem is shame," said one woman. "I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was too ashamed. Isn't that crazy?"

We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.

Today, I will ask for help if I need it - from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life - the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Old 12-09-2009, 02:59 AM
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"My problem is shame," said one woman. "I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was too ashamed. Isn't that crazy?"
That woman could have been me. I was so ashamed of living the way I was, of addiction touching my family, of being out of control and crazy...that I was afraid for other people to know.

What a relief it was when I walked into my first meeting and realized that there was a room filled with people who truly understood, and who could help me if I was willing to reach out to them. I learned that I wasn't crazy, I was codependent, and that there WAS help, there WAS hope, for even a pathetic person like me.

I am grateful for those who were there for me when I finally found the courage to reach out for help.

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Old 12-11-2009, 06:48 AM
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Thank you for posting these. I find it hard to ask for help because I was taught that you manage things yourself and feel shame instead. I'm working on letting go of the shame and reaching out.
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