In A Funk
 

Hubby says he is going to chemical dependent's anonymous, celebrate recovery and got plugged into a church. For those of you who don't know, we are 3000 miles apart due to his addiction. It has been almost 3 weeks.

Talked to hubby again today. He said that he wanted me to know that he will not take pills again, I will see a radical change and that he wants me to come home with him. He wants me to come home because I am his wife, he loves me more than anything and because I belong there with my husband. He said that we need to go to Christian marriage counseling and it's not possible from afar. As hard as it was to say no, I did. I told him that neither of us can offer any good to each other right now and individual counseling needs to take place before anything. Tears swelled in his voice but his grip on a bit of sobriety allowed him to agree with me when I said it's not in God's timing yet.

Why do I feel like I'm in such a funk even when my husband seems to be getting help? He actually tried to console me today and I felt unworthy of it. Felt like he shouldn't be since he is trying to work on himself, that it would be too much work for him The holidays are really hard. Our one year anniversary is in February. This would be our first holiday together as a married couple. I know that's silly because we have a lifetime of those but I'm still feeling depressed about it...I'm so lonely...

How do I know when is time to go home?

You'll know when it's time, I think. No matter where we go, or how far we travel, we take "us" with us and the problems we carry.

See your counselor, maybe try a few meetings, and try to live this one day at a time. Then do what feels right for you. None of us can tell you what that is, we can only share what worked for us.

Hugs

perhaps he pushed a codependent button. you have been the one who rushes to his aid, but the role was reversed? you don't feel like you "should" be consoled, you are "supposed" to be the strong one....? any number of things, combined with your dismay over what has happened in your young marriage, could have put those feelings into play.

and i don't think it's at all silly to be sad about your first christmas. not at all. it's called grief.

you sound like a smart and strong woman, doing what is right. sounds like he is on right track as well, for now, and i wish you the best

Saying "no" is hard, when you desperately want things to be back to normal.

You are doing what's right (meaning not just rushing back and thinking everything will be better).

Therefore, it's difficult.

Saying 'yes' and allowing yourself to get put right back in the same position is the easy way out.......... then you don't have to feel the crappy feelings that creep up when we try to stay away from a person we love.... which only leads back to the same problem, and round and round you'll go.

So, I believe you are being strong, and I am proud of you.

Love,
Cess

I'm a part-time staff member at my church, and we are planning to offer the Celebrate Recovery program early next year. The senior pastor has asked all the staff to split into a men's and a women's group and go through the steps so we can experience what it is we are offering to others. How cool is that? The 12-step program came to me! Celebrate Recovery is a complete 12-step process modeled after AA, but with a more explicit Christian emphasis that is designed to be very affirming for Christians. So if your husband is faithfully attending meetings, filling out the workbooks, getting a sponsor, etc., then he is actively working a 12-step program. Will that be enough for you? Only you can answer that question. I think you are wise to be cautious. His process will take time and commitment on his part. You'll need to see repeated examples of him doing the right thing for you to rebuild trust, and he needs to realize that a slip on his part will likely knock the process back to the beginning.

Good to hear that your husband has plans for sobriety.

Plans are just words until real change occurs. Give yourself the gift of time.