kj3880

As some of you may remember, I had a brief relationship with a still-using addict about a year ago who was pretending to be clean. When I broke it off, he refused to let go for a long time, stalking me at meetings, continually calling and generally making a nuisance of himself. I prayed for help with it, and for the past few months, I was relieved that he seemed to be finally out of my life.

Now he's back. My wonderful bf has many years clean and he doesn't even know what to do about it. He is almost as frustrated as I am by the way the ex constantly seeks me out at meetings and follows me around conventions and events. This week, he began calling my work cell again (I'm on call and carry a phone everywhere).

Finally, my bf cussed him out. It seemed to escalate the stalking behavior and now the ex is leaving messages that he will call my boss and expose me as a recovering addict if I don't talk to him again. What he wants now is help with a criminal charge that he recently got (I work in the legal system in my state). I've never "helped" someone in that way, and I never would (nor could I. I don't have that kind of power. I'm not, after all, the judge).

It is scary, frustrating, and creepy to be threatened in this way. Isn't it bad enough that he used and abused me for the short time we dated??? Now he has to demand more help!?!

I'm just venting, I guess. There isn't anything that anyone can do. I believe that if I ride it out and lay low for a while, he'll come realize that his threats will not work. That's all I can think to do at this point.

Love,
KJ

outtolunch

Your employer is not likely to care about your past. Heck, I would steal the ex's thunder and tell him your employer already knows, ba-bye.

teke

have you thought about going to your employer and tell them about his threats and why he's threatening you? you may not be interested in your employer knowing whats going on in your personal life or if doing that would effect your job status but if that was an option, they may pay more attention to you rather than a herion addicted criminal. just a thought.

have you thought about taking any legal actions about him harassing and stalking you?

meditation

Can a restraining order help in any way?
You can't control this jerk but perhaps changing your number? Your work number can't be changed of course.

Is it possible to attend AA for a short time till he gets bored or his case finally heard? You might enjoy a change of all the turmoil in NA.

Your best bet would be he gets locked up for a long time. I have never had a stalker before so have no idea but he sounds sicker than just having an addiction. I'd carry a weapon of some sort just in case, like pepper spray or something a bit stronger that you can legally carry. A LARGE stick lol or maybe a rabid squirrel. I am out of ideas and now injecting humor .... I care about you and hope this situation ends soon. Many prayers.

splendra

Just curious to know if you have ever asked him to come into the meeting and participate? I know he is hassling you. Maybe he is crying out for help. Maybe next time he goes to a meeting some of the guys could get together and try to show him the way.

I have seen several people turned in just such cases as yours.

Suffocating

Report this jerk and get a restraining order. Your safety is more important than his recovery but that's just my opinion.

Ann

Get a restraining order. This man is stalking you, threatening to blackmail you with his information, and trying to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do.

When you or your current bf get upset by him, it plays right into his hand. He wants control and it sounds like he's got it.

Do what you need to do to stop the insanity. Before he becomes more dangerous.

Hugs

laurie6781

Go to the police, file a report of stalking. Your BF is a witness to some of it, that helps.

Then get a restraining order. Since you are in the legal field, talk to the DA's office and see what else they might suggest.

This guy is ESCALATING. Time to stop him in his tracks before someone (you and/or BF) get hurt bad.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

kj3880

Thank you all for your replies!

Splendra, just to clarify, he has been going to meetings for several years, long before I ever went to meetings. He shares, has a sponsor, works steps, all of that. But I found that he is quite unable to get honest with himself. So he doesn't get any better, continuing to blame others for his problems, and keeps getting high.

As far as a restraining order, I am considering it. Most of the court commissioners know me. I wonder if they would be able to keep their mouths shut.

Love,
KJ

Done_With_It

Nothing more to add than Ann and Laurie, but just sending a hug your way.
You've had a lot going on this year, You've handled it all like a rock star!
I know you will do the same with this.

We love ya girl!

MsPINKAcres

add my HUGS and prayers

Scary when a person is "play acting" at a program - had my experience with that with my ex - most people believed him too.

Which is why everyone freaked out when I left him last year - they truly believe all his lies and blah, blah, blah - but hey it's a year later and the truth is evident now.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to share some of your private life with your co-workers but you might have to for your safety. I know it may seem like I'm over reacting - but you never know what anyone is capable of doing.

It is obvious HE is NOT going to respect your boundaries. I told my boss a little about what was going on with my ex over this past year and asked him to keep it quiet.

He respected that and gave me full support. When I went back to my maiden name a couple of months ago - several people in my ofc had no idea I had even gotten a divorce.

Hopefully you will be given that same protection of your privacy - But please remember YOU ARE DESERVING OF SAFETY and Peace of MIND no matter what!!

HUGS,
Rita