bluebelle

Today has been a difficult day for this codie. My RABF has lost his job of 3 weeks. He has been having difficulty with his boss since the first day. I guess the boss is unhappy with the kind of work and amount of work that he has been producing. RABF of course says that the boss is unreasonable and crazy, etc.

Today, he was having more difficulty with the boss--they had a bad phone conversation. RABF was asking me for assistance--wanting to know my opinion, saying he didn't know what to do, etc. That's really hard one for me. I have a tendency to want to help, anyway. It's really hard for me to turn down a direct request. So, he asked for my opinion. I tried to give him suggestions, etc.

Anyway, he was all upset with the boss, and the boss with him. I finally told him that I had to go meditate. I went and turned on my music and hung out with one of the cats. I kept trying to remind myself to let go. It is really, really hard for me.

So, that's it, I guess. Financially, this doesn't really effect me. We keep our finances separate. As far as I know, he's been sober for a year (including about 3 months on Suboxone). It's hard for me to know for sure, though. It's easy for him to hide since he's a pill addict.

I really have to question what's going on with him. He just doesn't seem to be getting along with people very well. Maybe it's really just that the job didn't work out and there was a personality conflict. I don't know.

I just need help learning how to keep out of this. I am unsure how to not let his job problems effect me. He's been up and down with this job. He's excited about getting it, and then upset with the boss, sad because things aren't working out, etc.

Ann

Hugs to you, bluebelle, for staying inside your hula hoop (I love that analogy and use it often)

We learn by working things through for ourselves, and you bf will get to learn this too when left entirely up to him.

Hugs

bluebelle

At first, I got way out of my hula hoop. It is hard for me to not "help" when I'm asked directly.

I'm still struggling to keep this all from effecting me. It's like a rollercoaster. He finally got a job. He was all happy about it--some days excited about working, sometimes upset with the new boss. Now, he's out of work again. I don't know whether this new boss really was being unreasonable. Or, if RABF was partially responsible for this mess.

I just feel like my life with him would be more secure it his situation was more stable. We've been together for 12 years, and are really close. He's been responsible in our lives. I've been able to count on him following through pretty well, or at least better than before.

I just hope that this job problem is not a reflection on how things are going in his recovery.

teke

[QUOTE=bluebelle;2451708]

I just feel like my life with him would be more secure it his situation was more stable. QUOTE]

seems like that how it is when addiction in involved, huh?

praying things get better for the both of you.

bluebelle

Yeah, you're right. I think I expect things to get back to "normal." He has a master's degree in a very good field. I feel like he could easily be working 40 hours a week if that's what he wants. However, none of the jobs seem to be a good fit for him. It seems like what he wants is for everything to be easy. I don't know whether he is really having so much trouble finding a good position. Or, is he doing something to screw up these situations? My life seems like it has been in chaos for the last two years. I quit my job. We've moved. I've changed to another career--which is temporary because I want to take classes in a new field. He quit his job, and hasn't been able to find what he wants. He's claiming now that he'd like me to be able to go to full time so that I can concentrate more on school. He says he'd help me out financially, if that's what I want. He has all this money saved up and he can afford it. I'm not so sure. I'd like the opportunity to go back to school full time, but I feel uncomfortable taking money that he's not even making. The last time that he paid for me to go to school full time, he was in the middle of a relapse and was taking pain pills. Does this all seem a little strange?

teke

i don't know, but you know that addiction effects all involved sometimes even employers. i know it may not be the same but my ah's field of work pays petty good but for some reason, he still either get fired or is being unfairly treated, then he'll check to see how supportive i would be if he just quit an look for another job. his excuse, its always the bosses fault or mine but imo, his addiction won't allow him to keep a job, even if he's not using, its his addictive attitude and behavior. took me a long time to figure this one out, but its true i think.

addicts sometimes wants and expects every thing to come easy. everything seems to have to go their way, if not, then there is a serious problem with every one else.

i think it would be nice if you could go full time to school but do you really want to put that kind of control into someone elses hands? are you sure you can trust him to continue to do the right things until you are finished going full time and get out of school? just something to think about, the choice is yours. for me, i find it to be better for me if i don't give away no more power over my life than is absolutely necessary. what do you think?

bluebelle

That seems to be the issue with him. He makes all these excuses like the other people are always at fault, they are being unfair, etc. It's hard for me to feel sorry for him. I don't like my job, but I still go every day because I've committed to it. Not to mention, it's a rough economy, and I'm glad to have something.

I even have a student loan for next semester. I just haven't been able to find the right part-time job with health insurance and a good amount of hours. It would be nice to have someone as back-up, in case I run into financial trouble. However, like you said, I don't want to be that dependent on him. Also, my unpleasant job seems to be one of the few consistencies in my life. I at least enjoy the company of my coworkers. Plus, I am glad to have the cash coming in, even though it's not much.

teke

IMO, i would call THAT to be the most responsible thing to do or at least line up another job BEFORE you quit one. you think?