tchappy

My last post was my very 1st post on here...boy have I learned alot on here.

In my last post I said I was asking my boyfriend to leave. He is a meth user. My house and I own the house, so he MUST leave I can't. That was the weekend before thanksgiving. Well of course here I am with him still here. I told him again this past Friday to leave, I told him I deserve better. I thought I got thru to him cause he said, well yes you do deserve better and maybe I should just let you go. So, instead of leaving he sticks around for 3 days/nights in a row( which is rare) doing things around the house...you know trying to act like he has something to offer. Putting up christmas lights and crap....then come to find out, I think the only reason he did those things was to look good and TRY and get on my good side so he could leave Sunday to go get his drugs. He did leave, but could not find enough change for gas to get to where he was going. He asked me for money for gas and I said sorry I can't do that, and he just came back home. It felt so good NOT giving him any money and watching him be irritable because he could not go to his usual deliveries and crap. It feels so good just being strong, but I guess not strong enough to pull the plug for good on him. He then spent 2 nights in a row in the guest room looking at porn while high....Then had the nerve to bring me flowers yesterday and a card..I just told him thanks....he told me that was not the response he was expecting. Tried making me feel bad for not being more happy or appreciative that he brought me flowers ( which he NEVER does). Well I'm going to try again this Friday, this time have my dad come over and ask him to leave....pray for me it works this time...I think it might.

I just needed to vent today and say I am SO sick and tired of how the addict goes thru his life happy and doing his own thing. SICK AND TIRED

Thanks for listening

splendra

Prayer for you to be strong going out for you

hello-kitty

The only way I could get my ex to go and stay gone was to change the locks when he left the house.

Basically, I told my ex I was changing the locks and he was not welcome back in my home. Of course he didn't leave right then, but eventually he left to buy drugs. And I changed the locks immediately. It was around $90 to have the place re-keyed because I had to have a locksmith rush out and do it while he was gone. When he called to whine about not being able to get back in, I told him I would put a box of his belongings outside by our mail box.

It worked! it's been over since. You just really have to be committed to getting them out or keeping him out. Just remember that you aren't dealing with a SANE person when you are dealing with a drug addict.

teke

HEY HAPPY. sorry you're having such a hard time getting him to leave. i don't know many addicts who will leave. just because you ask them to. they usually don't disappear until when you are waiting and expecting them to come around. sounds like he don't actualy live with you so have you tried to call the police or get an order or something like that? actions do speak louder than words. i guess its a good idea to have someone over just in case he wants to throw a fit or something but still keep a phone handy just in case.

my ah would do the exact same things when ever i asked him to leave or he would try to intimidate me with some sort of fear. too many time have i had to get him a police escort. i pray things will work out for you.

tchappy

Thanks....

He does live with me....he just usually dissapears lately maybe 2 to 3 nights a week....he is hardly ever there 3 nights in a row. Its usually Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays he will be gone either all night or at least till midnight or later.

I intend on changing the locks when is gone, but did not think of doing it while he was out. I'm too afraid of what he might do to my house if I did that. That is why I was waiting until Friday so I can be sure and be home the weekend and not at work.

I will keep you all posted....thanks so much to listening.

teke

i do understand but it still maybe a good idea to seek some legal help. advice or documentation, i'm sure if he was gonna do something to your house, he would know when you were away. i used to have that same fear and i allowed that to keep me from working at all. i know how hard it is to live with that fear. so what you have to do to make sure you stay safe.

tchappy

Oh I forgot to add....

Hello- kitty.....LOVE the way you handled it...good for you!

mammainok

I am sort of in the same situation, but my husband owns the house and bought it before we were married. But you can call the cops on him and have him removed. But don't let him stay...if your not married and don't have kids with him, SERIOUSLY call the cops have him removed. If he has anything on him perhaps it would be a good thing and a way to get clean. It might **** him off but also might just save his life. Get a restraining order.

tchappy

I really don't want to go the cops route....he has been in jail for Meth and has a felony charge against him....and yes that should have been a BIG red FLAG.....but you always HOPE they have changed their ways.

I know I should not care what happens to him and I'm sure if I did call the cops he would be GONE before they got there. I think I'm just going to have my dad come over Friday and do it....

It is just so hard when he is according to him (trying his best to quit) and says he loves me all the time and wants to spend his life with me....you get to where YOU feel like you are the person giving up...I know that is not the case, it just feels like it sometimes. I just need him out of there so I don't have to ride this rollercoaster all the time.

I want a normal, nice, caring loving, responsible man...not an addict who only thinks of himself.

Just venting some more... ; )

Ann

It is good you will have your dad there to help. It can be dangerous to do this alone. And if you tell your dad what you told us above, I'll bet he'll make sure it sticks.

Something that is good when changing locks and keeping them away is to install an alarm system. Some try to come back anyway and break a window or lock to get in. An alarm system would protect against that.

Good luck, be safe.

Hugs

cassandra2

This rang with me for a long time with my RABF. I couldnt just give up on him, but one day it dawned on me that I wasnt giving up on him. He gave up on himself.

These are the things we keep telling ourselves in order to keep ourselves in denial of reality.

The reality is that as long as they are using they are not ready to stop. No matter what lies we try to tell ourselves.

I didnt give up on my RABF, I allowed him the chance to experience the full consequences of his addiction. I stopped being there for him. I stopped everything. I had to save myself. When he wanted to stop abusing the pills and proved that that was what he was gonna do I stepped (slowly) back into the picture.

hello-kitty

i didn't want to call the cops either. but i notified my neighbors that he was no longer allowed on my property and if they saw him, they were to call the police immediately, and I told him this. I also told him i would call the police if he showed up and made a scene. Former felons don't like to be threatened with the cops and it can help to keep them off your property. you have to be willing to follow through though. My ex finally figured out i was serious because he didn't come back for a long time - until he was clean. And even now, I enforce my boundaries with him. I have to. It's all that I have to protect me and my (our) 4 year old son from his addiction and behavior - because even clean, he still exhibits addict type behavior.

Believe me - it was not easy to do everything I did to get that man out of my house and I probably changed the locks 5 times before I stopped giving him a key to get back in (ARGH!). It took a long time to get to the point where I was really and truly done with him and his addiction. i was truly sick and tired of being sick and tired and I finally did something about it.

Best decision I ever made. Best boundary I ever followed through on.

tchappy

I'm so furious....I don't know if I can wait until my dad comes tomorrow to get my addict boyfriend out! Sorry don't know the abbreviations yet.

He is in the garage acting like nothing is wrong and nothing is bad....I can't stand it....he makes me sick to my stomach! He just thinks I'm being a b**ch and he did nothing wrong. Freaking amazing!

I can't wait until he is gone!

hello-kitty

I am right there with you. They are seriously delusional. Don't back down or show weakness. It's all manipulation.

outtolunch

Can you let go of who is right or wrong and focus on the objective? Get him out of the house and rekey those locks. Let him know if he returns, you and your neighbors will immediately call 911.

You deserve normal and that's not going to happen, while he is hanging around.