Court tomorrow
 

They were not able to settle yesterday so I have to testify tomorrow at a preliminary exam, I am very scared, and nervous. He will be there in stripes and cuffs and I know I will feel bad.

I called the Domestic Violence Shelter, and talked to the lady at the desk, she is having an advocate call me today and said that someone would go with me.

Here is my struggle: I just read the post about "victim vs. martyr". I am martyr...all the way. This makes me feel like I am just as much at fault as he is, after all, I chose to get in the car with him. I did not foresee the evening turning out the way it did, but I know he has POTENTIAL to be violent.

How in the word am I going to go in there and be strong, feeling like this?

((sodetermined))

Please know that I am sending out prayers and good thougths for you - prayers that you will find that inner courage, strength and wisdom that you have inside you -

Maybe you did chose to get in the vehicle with him, but it was not your choice to be hurt. We all want to believe that our loved ones will do better each time. We all want to believe that this time it will be different.

You have taken brave and wise steps to do things differently today - To me, that makes you very strong and healthy!!

HUGS,
Rita

No I don't believe you are a martyr. I believe that you did what most humans do. He was showing his 'nicer' side, which gave you 'hope' that maybe just maybe things could change. That my dear is being HUMAN. We (at least most humans) seem to have 'hope' that a person can change. Just because some don't does not make us martyrs.

So, please stop beating yourself up. When we are dealing with someone we care about we, as humans, usually bend over backward to give them every chance possible. That does not make us martyrs that makes us HUMAN. Only when we have been 'knocked' down (literally and/or physically) enough times do we finally stand up and say ENOUGH. NO MORE. You are now standing up and say NO MORE, NEVER AGAIN.

I say ......................................... GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!

Go to Court, tell them what he did in a matter of fact way, just as if you were reciting a recipe. If you break down and cry, because you are traumatized that is perfectly natural and believe it or not 'normal.' Tell the truth, don't look at him, look at the attorney asking the questions or at the person who comes with you.

You will do fine. And, you will feel better, getting it out to someone (the judge) who can actually do something about it.

Know that we will be with you in 'spirit'.

Love and hugs,

:ring Sodetermined.........we are all here for you...........

YEA!!!!!!!!!!! you called someone. :c011:

Thank the lord! Anyhow, once you are in touch w/ the Domestic Violence people, they WILL be capable of helping you, they WILL relieve the fear and sadness you are feeling.... 90% of them have walked YOUR life.....(in one way or another).

Realistically, you don't have to feel strong, the advocate will assist you in this area.......put your faith in what you have done, (by calling) and KNOW deep inside that you WILL be o.k. The worst is over...(it happend the night he took you).

With lots of hugs.......
Love,
Cess

i agree with laurie, just tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. i think you are stronger than you think. he's in court because of his actions toward you. his choices and i'm sure you didn't set out to get hurt or end up in court for this reason. i think he'll be just fine, hope he learns a lesson on how to treat others. abuse usually gets progressively worse and if he don't learn this time, he may find a next time but the good thing about this is that it don't have to be with you. your choice. you both are in my prayers.

You are not a martyr, you did nothing wrong.

I am so glad you reached out for help and that an advocate will be going with you.

Try to be strong, know it's okay not to be, and just say a prayer and let life unfold.

Keeping you in my prayers too.

Hugs

I remember having to face my abusive ex husband in court for the last time. I too called a DV help line and someone was there to sit with me and basically hold my hand. She was wonderful. Just the thought of facing him had me freaked out. I had a hard time breathing, was sweaty and shaky.

My ex's attorney came to the room we were in and started badgering me and asking me all kinds of questions. The DV woman stood between us and told the attorney he was done. I was so relieved. Anyway, I guess because of my reaction to the attorney he recommended to my ex that he plead guilty and not risk me getting on the stand (this was suppose to be a jury trial). And he did that. Plead guilty and I could go home without ever having to look at him. I was so relieved.

I say all of that to let you know that what you are feeling now is totally "normal" for the situation you are in. I am really glad that you called someone. That is what they are there for and too often women (usually) dont take advantage of it. I didnt the first couple of times it happened but the last time I did and like I said it was well worth it. She was so calm and helpful. She held my hand and was just there for me. By this time most of my family were fed up with all of this and no on came to court with me. So to have her there was truly a gift from God.

I wish you the best and just wanted to let you know that others have been in yours shoes and lived to tell about it. Take care of yourself and just know that you are doing the right thing.

This is me, today, I am so anxious that I have to remind myself to breathe.

Cassandra, was it fear that made you feel this way...or more because your abuser just had that way of making you feel bad, like you did something wrong?

It was fear. I was stepping out of my normal behavior. I was no longer accepting being abused and that was different for me.

I also was afraid that if I saw him I might feel sorry for him and want to change my mind and not follow through. Both of these things made it very difficult for me.

I can only say that just go with it. Allow this to happen. You will NEVER regret standing up for what is right.

sodetermined,

i too am with you in spirit. i have been following your unfolding story and pulling for you.

i love this quote that i read here on this board recently:

you never know how strong you are til being strong is your only choice.

you can do this

((Sodetermined))

Prayers and good thoughts going up for you today!!!

May you feel the strength of each of us with you as you conquer your battle today!!!!

Please remember you are worthy of respect, dignity and safety!!!!!!

HUGS,
Rita