Cards Hallmark Forgot to Write
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I love this thread
Have these been used
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"
"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened, especially since you survived."
"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!
"Congratulations on getting married! It's not every day you decide to ruin your life!"
"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected. While I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly."
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"Just remember... Jesus Loves You - Everyone else thinks you're a jerk!"
"The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating *******!"
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time, let's say we call it quits."
"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
"If you ever need a friend, buy a dog."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"If you didn't have any money, I'd still love you. And miss you very much."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday - so we're having you put to sleep."
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"
Have these been used
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"
"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened, especially since you survived."
"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!
"Congratulations on getting married! It's not every day you decide to ruin your life!"
"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected. While I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly."
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"Just remember... Jesus Loves You - Everyone else thinks you're a jerk!"
"The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating *******!"
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time, let's say we call it quits."
"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
"If you ever need a friend, buy a dog."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"If you didn't have any money, I'd still love you. And miss you very much."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday - so we're having you put to sleep."
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
You people are seriously gifted! Those are lovely versions of our traditional Xmas Cards.
I just know that Hallmark is going to be banging on your doors to get the rights to these new verses!
You know, when you think about it, you really have to thank the addicts in your life for giving you the knowledge and the experience to create these verses!
If anyone needs a good patent attorney, please contact me!
Hugs, Devastated
I just know that Hallmark is going to be banging on your doors to get the rights to these new verses!
You know, when you think about it, you really have to thank the addicts in your life for giving you the knowledge and the experience to create these verses!
If anyone needs a good patent attorney, please contact me!
Hugs, Devastated
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
anyone needs a good patent attorney, please contact me!
Happy ChrisKwanzmakkuh to all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I am an absolute puddle reading these. I have waited to read the whole thread until I had time to savor it and I am glad I did.
There is something about having an addict in your life, being addicted to said addict, and then going over the wall to the land of recovery that twists your brain just a little left of center.
Cynical One, you had me with Frosty the Codie. I'll be humming that till New Year's.
Captain, because of you I've sneezed Diet Coke and wet my chair. You sir, are a genius! Any chance you know how to get Diet Coke out of a keyboard as well? HEHE.
Alice
There is something about having an addict in your life, being addicted to said addict, and then going over the wall to the land of recovery that twists your brain just a little left of center.
Cynical One, you had me with Frosty the Codie. I'll be humming that till New Year's.
Captain, because of you I've sneezed Diet Coke and wet my chair. You sir, are a genius! Any chance you know how to get Diet Coke out of a keyboard as well? HEHE.
Alice
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Cap'n those were GREAT!!!
This is a true story -
A woman I knew found out her husband had been having an affair
for YEARS with who she thought
was one of her best friends.
For Christmas -
when they divorcesd and moved in together -
she got the woman this card-
the outside said -
(all flowers on the front)
'Thank you"
open the card - it said-
"FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE".
she showed it to me
I laughed for fifteen minutes!
This is a true story -
A woman I knew found out her husband had been having an affair
for YEARS with who she thought
was one of her best friends.
For Christmas -
when they divorcesd and moved in together -
she got the woman this card-
the outside said -
(all flowers on the front)
'Thank you"
open the card - it said-
"FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE".
she showed it to me
I laughed for fifteen minutes!
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