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Forever Cursed? Sorry Long

Old 11-22-2009, 09:58 PM
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Forever Cursed? Sorry Long

To always make the wrong decisions or make the wrong choices in me? Seriously what the hell is wrong with me? I know it has been a while since I posted. I have a ton of updates.

First my husband. He breached the no contact order agian in August at the court house. He kept putting back his plea date because he knows that if he pleads guilty then he could go to jail for a year or longer because of how many times he has breached. Well he finally decided to take it to trial. That is scheduled for the end of January. He has no hope in winning because it is on video and there is a witness as well as my statement. But he has to fight it or end up in jail right away. Other then seeing him at court dates for family court I have not seen him at all. He looks awful when I do see him though. He always shows up in his cowboy hat, unshaved or even showered(can tell from the smell) and dirty clothes that are very tattered. I feel nothing anymore when I see him. So that is my update on him.

My update on my kids is sadder. It was going really well for a while. I was seeing them every week unsupervised and even got to have them for thanksgiving long weekend in October(canadian here). But when they went back from the weekend visit my mother coached them to lie to their lawyer about what was going on here. My daughter told her lawyer that the man I was seeing at the time was making out with me on the couch the entire time and the kids were responsible for themselves and the house. All was crap and can be proven as crap in court. My lawyer says that is good because since it is provable to be lies it puts my parents on the spot. The man I was with worked every night from 10 till 6am. Then went to a friends place to sleep untill 4 and was here usually are 4:30. He helped with supper, and helped put the boys to bed by reading them stories while I cleaned up the house from the day of play and dishes. When he was here the only time he and I did anything was when the boys were in bed and it was a dance around the kitchen floor. My daughter did see him kiss me once when he dipped me after our dance. I never got to sit with him. We have video and other peoples testimony that were at the house as well. The only down side is that until the next court date where my lawyer can prove the testimony as false social services refuses to answer my phone calls hence denying me any visits. And when I phone my kids my mother gives me the 3rd degree. So that has been stopped as well. The only good part right now is my husband does not want to go to trial. So has requested a JDR instead.

THe last news is about the guy I was seeing. He is 40. I knew his oldest daughter first. Her and I met through another friend and became fast friends. She introduced us. I met his mother, some of his other friends. Thought I had got the low down on him. THe problem is I know even with doing all that and getting good reports from everyone I jumped in too fast. I was lonely and soo stressed with all that has gone on with my ex and my kids. I wanted to feel loved and supported. After a while he moved in with me. I know. Big mistake. But everyone thought it was fine. He had a job and paid a little towards the expenses. We never fought. Seriously never. It was the calmest relationship I ever had. There was tons of communication and we respected each other space and time and spent time with our seperate friends as well. FOr 2 months everything was going great. Then on halloween he went to work at ten saying he would be off at 7am. We had had tacos that night and had been working on our Christmas budget earlier in the day. I thought nothing was wrong. by 9am he had not come home. I phoned his work since he was not answering his cell. I was so worried that he got into an accident. They let me know he had only been scheduled to work till 4am. HUH? I phoned his best friend. He was as confused as I was. They are no longer friends now. By noon I texted his phone that if I did not hear from him within 30 minutes I was going to call the cops and the hospitals and so on. He called a few minutes later. Telling me it was over and that he was not ready to be in a relationship. That was it. He said I did nothing wrong. Then he hung up. I was in complete shock. I have since found out that he was seeing his ex while he was with me, saying he was at work on days he didn't work and was going there. Also found out that he has a serious problem with weed. I saw none of the signs. Neither did his friends and family. His daughter is no longer talking to him. And the biggest worry is I could be pregnant. We did use protect most of the time but sometimes I have to be honest everything just got too heated too fast. He knows I could be pregnant and he says the only way he will be there to be a support at the doctors visits and so on is if his girlfriend can come too. Ummmm NO. I basically cut all communication with him.

Now I am seriously doubting myself. My therapist told me that other then moving too fast I was smart to get to know his family and friends first before getting too serious and that I should not beat myself up too much. I can't help it though. THis year has been a year of hell and bad decisions. Will I ever get it right? His exbest friend let me know that he was basically using me to make his ex jealous and smarten up. What a con job he did on me. His family and friends say he did the same con on them because I guess he had told them he was going to propose to me. I just don't get it. Do I have dumbass written on my forehead? I am just so tired of being alone in all that has gone on when my husband has someone to love him and curl up with and destress with. I would love a shoulder to cry on too somedays. I would love the support and a warm body to hold me too. I am tired of this fight for my life and kids back all on my own. I feel like I am carrying the world with no relief in sight and more weight pilling up.
Nikki
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Old 11-23-2009, 01:29 AM
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Ann
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Nikki, I`m sorry the year has been so bad for you, and hope the days ahead get better.

Perhaps taking time just for you and healing from past wounds will help you make better choices from a healthier perspective in the future. Meetings and counseling are good, and taking time just to learn to get to know yourself and to learn that you can take care of yourself and find happiness without a relationship.

Keeping you in my prayers because I know this isn`t easy. I also know that it does get better when we get to know that stranger called `me`.

Hugs
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Old 11-23-2009, 07:47 AM
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Your prior post said that you are now getting the children every third weekend. Seeing mom with a new man.....other people in the house...dancing in the kitchen and kissing is a lot for children to process. Is it possible that the children are getting a message that mom's social/love life is more important to her than they are?

Women who need support and a warm body are often more inclined to move too fast and compound poor choices. Everything you need is within you. Take time to discover this and support yourself. The rest will follow.

Last edited by outtolunch; 11-23-2009 at 08:09 AM.
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Old 11-23-2009, 09:26 AM
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There is a difference between kissing and a kiss. One is plural. Also my lawyer is the one that suggested that I have friends over at least once a day to be witnesses to what is going on in the house and how the children were. The reason being is every time I had a visit with the kids my mother would try and get them to lie or she would about how it went. So I always had witnesses. Most of the day no one was there but us. Not till in the evenings did people show up. When the kids left they told me and my friends that they did not want to go home. My oldest boy even started crying. He wanted to stay so bad. So no they were not getting a mixed message.
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Old 11-23-2009, 12:08 PM
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(((Nikki)))
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Old 11-23-2009, 08:08 PM
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((((Nikki)))) I hope things are straightened out soon and you can see your kids. Sometimes it seems darkest before something ownderful occurs.
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:52 AM
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Nikki,

I agree with what others have posted that it may be time to get to know yourself, what YOU are capable of, what makes YOU happy, how strong YOU are and are fully able to take care of yourself. When we jump too quickly into someone elses arms, we're only trying to make ourselves feel better - get rid of the pain from the last failed relationship. It isn't coming from a strong, healthly place . . . get to that strong, healthy place first - then you'll be more open to the "right" person when your HP puts them there.
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Old 11-24-2009, 07:10 PM
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Keep posting and you will see that you are not alone. We are here with you and care about your progress.
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