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Done with Him

Old 11-20-2009, 07:19 PM
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Done with Him

I'm new to this site, but have been reading other posts and looking for help and guidance on here.

I have learned from this site that I am a codependent. I never even knew what that word meant or that it was ME! But I know now and I'm reading Codependent No more and it has helped.

Anyway...I have been dating someone for a year. We moved in together 3 months ago when he supposedly quit using METH and wanted to start a life with me. Well the first 2 months were GREAT! We were so happy...at least I thought we were. Maybe he truly was not. He started using again a month ago. It has torn me apart from the inside. I can't stand it and I don't want to live with it...

I have been angry, sad, depressed and everything in between in the past month. Had my first major panic attack 3 days after he started and ended up in the ER. I am NUMB now and don't really care or feel anything about him anymore. That is what is so sad, because you hear them saying they love you, but you (or at least me) can't love them back all because of the DRUG and what it does to them and your life.

I have asked him to leave 3 times and he always sweet talks himself into not leaving or whatever. I came home tonight from work and was hoping he was not even here. Friday nights are his usual "gotta go get more stuff night". Well...he did he left to get some more stuff. Little does he know that I will be telling him to leave AGAIN tomorrow but more serious this time and a timeline of when to be out.

I can't live like this and WILL not live like this. It is so hard though when they sweet talk you or tell you they will quit or tell you if you were more understanding it would be easier to quit...its a vicious cycle and a cycle that I'm getting off of NOW....Thanks to everyone on here that has helped me SEE and open my eyes!!!

Thanks for listening...I just needed to VENT and tell my story
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Old 11-21-2009, 05:25 AM
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Ann
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I am sorry for your circumstance, but glad you joined us.

It sounds like you know what you need to do. Waiting for him to respond or leave may take a while. He knows he can sweet talk you and stall for time, and most addicts don't do anything to make plans even when we give them a time line. Perhaps you might want to make it a short line.

You are not alone here, many have been where you are, and I hope you'll stick around and walk with us a while. I think you'll find that our path gets brighter every day we work on helping ourselves.

Welcome to SR.

Hugs
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:05 AM
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Welcome to SR Tchappy. Sorry for your circumstances. My ex's doc was meth also.
I know what you mean about hearing them say "I love you" and just feeling sick because
of the drug and how much damage it causes to the family life. It's a viscous cycle.

Be prepared to have a plan B in case he doesn't leave willingly. Addicts tend to sweet talk us, try to manipulate.. etc.. when you mess with their soft place to land. Keep reading and posting it will help you so much as you walk through this. Just know you're not alone!
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:15 AM
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My therapist said to give my AH a boundary of go to 90 meetings in 90 days or no contact. He chose to use. I am a codependent too, now on my road to recovery, divorced, beginning to see it for what it was and not what I wanted it to be. Hard....but wonderful support here!
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:20 AM
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Welcome. Keep reading and posting here. My ex was/is a crack cocaine addict. I was also hooked on crack for several years. I have noticed there are many similarities between crack addicts and meth addicts.

It sounds like you are on the right path with setting and following through on your boundaries. You cannot help him get better. And he will destroy your life and your sanity if you stay.

For some reason, getting an addict to respect your wishes and leave when you ask them to is very difficult to impossible. In my case it was probably because he didn't really believe I was going to follow through on my boundaries because I never had in the past. I also served as part of his delusion - as long as he had a relatively "sober" girlfriend, he felt like his drug use "wasn't that bad." I was also his enabler and served as a meal ticket for him. Of course he wasn't going to leave without a fight.

I found that writing down my boundaries made it easier to follow through on them. It made them seem more real somehow.

The right thing isn't always the easy thing. Be tough. I found it was the only way to succeed and it was best for all parties involved.
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:39 AM
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HI WELCOME TO SR,

i think you have made some good decisions for yourself. i'm a recovering addict, married but separated from an active addict. it took 21yrs of the "sweet talking", going back and forth for me to get to where you are now. good for you, you are doing what is best for you.

nothing you can say or do will make him really get serious about quitting, he have to want it for himself and it will only happen when he's ready.

stay strong, keep posting and reading here. alanon and naranon are good support groups for family and friends of addicts. after living with addiction, we all tend to need help and you really are off to a good start. you and yours are in my prayers.
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:45 AM
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Thank you so much everyone!
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:05 AM
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tchappy, agreeing with what everyone has posted. I just wanted to add one more thing.

Meth is a very poisonous drug that could effect you if it is being cooked or smoked in your home. It stays in walls and carpets everywhere!!!. It can poison anyone who comes into your home and animals.... Anyone who gets into his car if it has been done in there. It may be causing you panic attacks also. IM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS!! And it takes special cleaning crews to clean up a place where meth has been done.

You need to leave NOW!! If you have to leave, do it quietly without his knowing. Pack up and leave when he is not home. He is putting you in legal jeopardy also. You should be afraid.
That fear should be a motivater for you to get the heck out of there.

LEAVE AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:20 AM
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He does not smoke in the house that I'm aware of and I'm pretty sure he never cooks in the house.

The problem with me leaving is this is MY house, I OWN this house. I can't leave. I'm stuck! I already told him if it was me who had moved in with him, I would already be gone. I have a couple plans of getting him out, just have to put them into action if he chooses not to leave.

I do know how very dangerous Meth is and I thank you for all the information!

I look forward to posting back soon and saying I'M FREE from the craziness!!!
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:33 AM
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Oh no!!! You don't know what he does when your not home!! Okay, check your house thoroughly, including the basement. Meth smokers and cookers love basements, cellars, attics, etc. You know what to look for right?

He hasn't left after being asked 3 times. Don't let him in your home another minute!!!! Get all his stuff and throw it to the curb now. Change the locks, and lock windows. If needed call police if he gives you a problem. Don't give him any more time to get himself and his stuff out.

I too hope you are free from the craziness ASAP.

Sending up prayers now!!!
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:01 AM
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Originally Posted by tchappy View Post
I have a couple plans of getting him out, just have to put them into action if he chooses not to leave.
You may want to call your local police department and ask what the local laws do and don't allow with eviction.

I'm suggesting this because if your boyfriend balks at leaving and you end up calling the police, they may not be able to assist you without some kind of prior legal notice.

Stay strong and prayers coming your way.
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by tchappy View Post
He does not smoke in the house that I'm aware of and I'm pretty sure he never cooks in the house.

The problem with me leaving is this is MY house, I OWN this house. I can't leave. I'm stuck! I already told him if it was me who had moved in with him, I would already be gone. I have a couple plans of getting him out, just have to put them into action if he chooses not to leave.

I do know how very dangerous Meth is and I thank you for all the information!

I look forward to posting back soon and saying I'M FREE from the craziness!!!
He's addicted to Meth. Being happy or unhappy with you is no match for his addiction. You cannot compete with this drug.

It's Saturday. Hit the store and buy some sturdy hefty bags, aka addict designer luggage. Place his crap in said bags and leave them outside. He's not going to call the Police. Do not answer the door or respond to his calls or text messages.

The drama will pass quickly. He will move on and find a place to land.

If you need support, invite a friend or family member over for the night.
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:12 AM
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Oh I'm not too worried about having to call the police. If I called the police he would go back to prison. He was in prison for 2 yrs for METH. He has a felony and just got off of probation.

So, I really don't think he will let it get to that, all I will have to do is say I will call them and he will be gone. I did it once before months ago and saw how he reacted, so not too worried.

I should have never looked back then...but we all know how that goes.

Thanks for listening...!
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Old 11-21-2009, 02:02 PM
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TCHappy, I'm feeling much relief knowing you have a plan in mind. Hopefully, this plan will get him out and keep him out. You are very wise to end this relationship before it goes any further.

Be sure and protect your valuables!! They have a bad habit of taking what is not theirs.

Hugs & good luck

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Old 11-22-2009, 12:27 PM
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Originally Posted by devastated View Post
Be sure and protect your valuables!! They have a bad habit of taking what is not theirs.
I second this! Especially when you ask them to leave and they know you're not going to be enabling them (food/nice bed, etc)... they'll take what they need to survive.. until they can find their next enabler.
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