changed the locks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
changed the locks
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! Long story short, when AD left my home to go to shelter, than back to h, I neglected to get the key back **sigh**
Here's the kicker.........AD called me to inform me that she had done something really bad, she had come into my home & taken jewellry (which I thought I had hidden pretty well.....guess not well enough) Asked me not to call the cops, said I would get back b/4 xmas. I responded yea right! (couldn't help myself) I then went on to say that I did not want to see her or hear from her until she had her life straightened out. I told her to remember that I love her and will pray for her, however I can not take it anymore. We hung up.....then I realized that she still has a key....sh!t, I call back & her friend gives me a story how a program friend demanded that she give him the key, whatever.
I hung up, called that person & left a msg. never did hear back.
I called a program friend, who said who knows how many keys are out there, you could be wiped out! Change the locks. I ran to the local hardware store & got new locks. After about 2 hours of anger, frustration, and some tears, I finally had one lock changed b/4 dh got home from work. (that was after 9 pm) Unfortunately, I had put part of the lock in backwards. lol.......well dh said not to worry he would fix it.
wow.....it's the first time he & I didn't have an argument because of AD's actions.
thank u my SR friends, just needed to unload.
much love,
Chris
Here's the kicker.........AD called me to inform me that she had done something really bad, she had come into my home & taken jewellry (which I thought I had hidden pretty well.....guess not well enough) Asked me not to call the cops, said I would get back b/4 xmas. I responded yea right! (couldn't help myself) I then went on to say that I did not want to see her or hear from her until she had her life straightened out. I told her to remember that I love her and will pray for her, however I can not take it anymore. We hung up.....then I realized that she still has a key....sh!t, I call back & her friend gives me a story how a program friend demanded that she give him the key, whatever.
I hung up, called that person & left a msg. never did hear back.
I called a program friend, who said who knows how many keys are out there, you could be wiped out! Change the locks. I ran to the local hardware store & got new locks. After about 2 hours of anger, frustration, and some tears, I finally had one lock changed b/4 dh got home from work. (that was after 9 pm) Unfortunately, I had put part of the lock in backwards. lol.......well dh said not to worry he would fix it.
wow.....it's the first time he & I didn't have an argument because of AD's actions.
thank u my SR friends, just needed to unload.
much love,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chris))) I'm sorry this had to happen, but I'm glad you got the locks changed. I know how much this hurts. Even though I was using, when I was still pretty new at it and got locked up, my then bf hocked what little jewelry I had, including my dead mom's wedding ring. I have to remind myself that it was just a ring....I still have my memories of her, but it still hurts.
It has to hurt you more, though. I brought it on myself - you are an innocent victim.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It has to hurt you more, though. I brought it on myself - you are an innocent victim.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Even today I have to work hard to shake off the resentments of all the precious treasures my son stole. It wasn't about the money, for me, it was how much family value and memories they held, like Amy's mom's ring. I can not replace these things, no matter how much money I ever have.
Sorry...this isn't about me, but I sure can feel your pain.
Changing the locks was a good idea, and getting an alarm would not be too extreme either. They come through windows when the locks keep them out...trust me, I know *sigh*
I am keeping your daughter in my prayers, and have some special ones for you too.
You'll be okay, now that the chaos is over the peace can begin.
Hugs
Sorry...this isn't about me, but I sure can feel your pain.
Changing the locks was a good idea, and getting an alarm would not be too extreme either. They come through windows when the locks keep them out...trust me, I know *sigh*
I am keeping your daughter in my prayers, and have some special ones for you too.
You'll be okay, now that the chaos is over the peace can begin.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 36
Serenity Bound - I'm sorry you had to deal with this but that is great you took charge and changed the locks. My son is an addict and it is almost more heart-breaking knowing all the jewelry he stole than all the drugs he used to do, just because of sentimental reasons.
It seems incredibly sad that we are victims in our own homes. I'm glad it didn't lead to another argument and hopefully you will find some peace in your own home. I'm sending you a hug....and you are not alone.
It seems incredibly sad that we are victims in our own homes. I'm glad it didn't lead to another argument and hopefully you will find some peace in your own home. I'm sending you a hug....and you are not alone.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I never charged my son, so I understand your reluctance. But if I had it to do again, I'd charge him in a heartbeat.
This is something where your heart and your head will quarrel. When in doubt, do what you can live with.
More Hugs.
This is something where your heart and your head will quarrel. When in doubt, do what you can live with.
More Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: buffalo ny
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by Ann 
Changing the locks was a good idea, and getting an alarm would not be too extreme either. They come through windows when the locks keep them out...trust me, I know *sigh*
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, Chris, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of personal items so dear to you.
My stepson never took items from his family, as far as they know, but he did confess to stealing cash.
When we got the new house, we were and are relieved somewhat because he does not know where we live and the house is alarmed.
Hugs and prayers to you and to your daughter, HG
My stepson never took items from his family, as far as they know, but he did confess to stealing cash.
When we got the new house, we were and are relieved somewhat because he does not know where we live and the house is alarmed.
Hugs and prayers to you and to your daughter, HG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Serenity,
I wish I had left my son in jail the FIRST time he got caught with drugs, maybe he would be drug free if I had let him suffer the consequences.
The first jail stint was getting caught with marijuana, the second time was with a whole bunch of oxy's with intent to sell, the third time was breaking into a neighbors home, stealing and forging a check, the forth time was breading into another neighbors home, stealing and trying to pawn golf clubs, the fifth time was stealing a neighbors credit card. See where this is going? I called the cops to let them know where he was. He is now being court ordered to rehab.
Do your daughter a favor and call the cops about the theft of your ring. She might be really angry, but she will get over it when she realizes that you are doing it to save her.
P.S. I changed the locks on my door 4 times. He will not be allowed back into my home.
Good luck.
I wish I had left my son in jail the FIRST time he got caught with drugs, maybe he would be drug free if I had let him suffer the consequences.
The first jail stint was getting caught with marijuana, the second time was with a whole bunch of oxy's with intent to sell, the third time was breaking into a neighbors home, stealing and forging a check, the forth time was breading into another neighbors home, stealing and trying to pawn golf clubs, the fifth time was stealing a neighbors credit card. See where this is going? I called the cops to let them know where he was. He is now being court ordered to rehab.
Do your daughter a favor and call the cops about the theft of your ring. She might be really angry, but she will get over it when she realizes that you are doing it to save her.
P.S. I changed the locks on my door 4 times. He will not be allowed back into my home.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
hon. Please don't rely on her word that you are going to get that jewelry back by xmas.
I just wouldn't rely on an addicts words (because promises mean nothing). And I wouldn't bother setting time limits or ultimatums about getting stolen property back. You can't force her to follow through or do the right thing. Otherwise you wouldn't have been robbed in the first place.
I'd take matters into my own hands, find out what pawn shop she took the stuff to and then get it out of hawk myself.
I'm glad you changed the locks. I'm sorry it's such a hard lesson.
Please keep us posted.
I just wouldn't rely on an addicts words (because promises mean nothing). And I wouldn't bother setting time limits or ultimatums about getting stolen property back. You can't force her to follow through or do the right thing. Otherwise you wouldn't have been robbed in the first place.
I'd take matters into my own hands, find out what pawn shop she took the stuff to and then get it out of hawk myself.
I'm glad you changed the locks. I'm sorry it's such a hard lesson.
Please keep us posted.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
I agree with Cynical One 100% You could be saving her life. If she steals from a dealer they won't be as forgiving and the price she would have to pay if you called the cops on her and filed charges against her is a heck of a lot cheaper then the price she will pay if she burns a dealer.
As much as you don't feel strong enough to do it ... It would speak multitudes to her if you did. I think maybe a wake up call. See deep down she knows she deserves you to call the cops that is why she asked you not to. She is scared ... By not calling them it reinforces the behavior and she will only continue to victimize you as much as you permit her to. Consequences for stealing is going to jail. Let her feel the consequences of her actions and by doing so your actions. Right now you are the one feeling the consequences of her actions. That is backwards. Put the baggage in her lap and let her carry the weight of it.
Addicts hate pain and the pain of feeling weight of her own actions might be the very thing that drives her to get clean.
Hugs and prayers for all of you
Passion
As much as you don't feel strong enough to do it ... It would speak multitudes to her if you did. I think maybe a wake up call. See deep down she knows she deserves you to call the cops that is why she asked you not to. She is scared ... By not calling them it reinforces the behavior and she will only continue to victimize you as much as you permit her to. Consequences for stealing is going to jail. Let her feel the consequences of her actions and by doing so your actions. Right now you are the one feeling the consequences of her actions. That is backwards. Put the baggage in her lap and let her carry the weight of it.
Addicts hate pain and the pain of feeling weight of her own actions might be the very thing that drives her to get clean.
Hugs and prayers for all of you
Passion
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
SB, the ongoing theme of my last three sessions with my therapist has been protection vs control. It ties in neatly with enabling and motive is everything.
I typed out a much longer response, then found a bottom line: as long as my motive is protecting myself and others who aren't able, instead of controlling and enabling those who are, I am 100% doing the right thing.
Right now I see a woman who is protecting and loving herself. Stay on that path and you'll continue doing the next right thing.
Prayers for serenity coming your way...
I typed out a much longer response, then found a bottom line: as long as my motive is protecting myself and others who aren't able, instead of controlling and enabling those who are, I am 100% doing the right thing.
Right now I see a woman who is protecting and loving herself. Stay on that path and you'll continue doing the next right thing.
Prayers for serenity coming your way...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Aw Chris, I haven't been around much but just stopped in and came by your post. I am so sorry I had hoped your daughter was on a good path, I know how much this hurts you. You have to do what is right for you, I know with Joey I did what I had to in order to get him the help he would not get on his own. That included having him arrested when he took my jewelry which like you I was sick one of the rings was my 2 X great grand mothers and I cherished it. The only down side to having him arrested is now he has a felony on his record and he has to live with it for a few years until hopefully we can get his record sealed. Joey was also underage so he would have stayed here and kept taking from us. Stay strong Chris one day she will be ready to be clean and stick to your rules don't let her back in the house, don't give in to her, once she has nothing to steal from you and no where to go it will be her bottom and she will be ready. ((((Hugs)))) I wish I could wrap my arms around you I know the pain all to well. Julie
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