Holes in the walls and broken vases
 

I asked my son to leave yesterday and it was not pretty. For the life of me I can't understand why I cling to the romantic notion that he is still the person I used to know. Even during the past few days he had been soo loving...when he was sober. I believe he was using Xanax because each day when I returned from work he was heavy-lidded and sleeping on the couch. When he did get up he was cranky and stumbled around trying to act normal. But oh gosh... when he wasn't and we were watching tv on the couch feet to feet sharing the throw blanket, it was so good for my heart:)

But then came the the day to wake him and give him the news... it's not working, you're not keeping your end of contract, we love you, will take you to rehab, shelter or friends-your choice. I had hoped that reason would take over and he would say, "You're right, I need to go to rehab. I can't stop using even though I want to."

But instead he responded with fists and curses and a need to smash everything in sight. At this point, the brutal truth of his addiction was undeniable and I knew that I had done the right thing. This was his response in the clear light of morning with no drugs to alter his ability to respond in a reasonable manner. He was furious at me for making the choice to disengage.

Today I feel relieved but sad, but also wiser and safer and saner. Thanks for listening.

My story is a little bit different as my son is already out of the house. Has been on his own for three years now. His drinking has caused him financial difficulties and although he was offered a job and supposed to start this week, I am not so sure that he made it. Have been trying to call for three days and get no answer. Don't know if he went to work and his phone is off or if he is home drunk and just won't answer the phone. Pretty much by the end of the month he is going to have to look for a new place to live and I am not allowing him to move in with me. It is really hard but to keep some sanity that is the way it has to be.

I commend you on your strength. If my son had been living at home I am just not sure if I could be strong enough to make him leave. Thank goodness I did not have to make that choice. Stay strong. I hope he gets the help he needs and soon.

Sending you hugs and prayers LeeRoy.

LeeRoy...sending you some big hugs! and prayers for both you and your son.

sorry it had to come to this but i think maybe you are helping him more than you or him thinks. my family took the same kinds of actions with me and no i was not happy about it at the time. my addictive thinking was that they were being mean. i soon hit my bottom and realized that they were helping me by helping themselves.

today i'm clean, sober and totally grateful to them for making the choices they made. today we have an even better relationship than before.

i pray that your son finds his way soon.

LeeRoy, You did good! It may hurt really bad, as a mom I understand only too well. But YOU did good!

Sending you lots of hugs & prayers.

You did the best thing for yourself and for your son. My stepson threw a similar fit when his dad enforced the 30-days and you are out deadline. Huge hugs and prayers for both you and your son.

HG

LeeRoy, sending big hugs to you and prayers for your son.

I remember the founder of SR, a recovering addict named Jon, reminding us more than once...we may love our addict kids, but if we keep helping them we may just love them right into the grave.

You did the right thing.

Hugs

(((LeeRoy)))

I'm sending some more hugs. As another RA, I can also tell you that, though I know it hurts your heart, you most definitely did the right thing. I will forever be grateful to my family for loving me enough to let me fall on my face and figure out how to get back up. Had they made it easy on me, I probably would not be here today.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

From one Mom-of-an-addict to another ((((Hugs)))). I understand and I am sorry. You are a wonderful mother, although I know it doesn't feel like it right now. You did the right thing....which is rarely the easy thing. Hang in there. It gets better.

Also from a mother of an addict - kicking him out finally helped him admit to us that he needed help. Definitely wasn't easy but it is reassuring to know that many people told me it was the right thing to do.

Now he is out of rehab and we take it one day at a time.

I wish you all the best and it was the right thing to do. All my best and a big hug....

Thanks for all of the support and just as important, your understanding. Now to get on with the day to day living. It means alot to me to be able to tell the truth about what happens in my home without worrying about being judged or having my character second-guessed. :)xoxo

Not to take this OT, I would love to know more about the founder of SR and the history of this place. If inclined, it might make for a good new topic. Thank you.

Out to Lunch... me too!

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