the light comes on.........
 

My husband is in treatment and for the last 5 months we have been in a marriage therapy class.

One of the recent assignments for the wives was to go thru a list of words.........like abandonment, rejection, betrayal and such

so with each word we were to review our husbands actions and behaviors (this was a forgiveness lesson) and we were to write about times that his actions brought up those feelings for us............

As I was doing the lesson I came to see that some events that have occurred over the last few years are now for me..........just facts, no real emotional pain attached anymore because i have been able to work thru those things..........

But there were things that still had pain attached and one thing was the LIES
(not a surprise look at my name here)

anyhow while I was doing the lesson and writting out the lies over the years I started in the very beginning............

I knew things about him and his history.......yet I continued to ask him questions about these type of things...........and he began to tell me the "lies" that would allow me to look at his past in a better more comfortable light...........

essentially I NEEDED and WANTED his lies...........those lies allowed me to move forward in the relationship

I didnt see then that I knew the truths from the start ............but I did and i didnt know that I was basically asking him to lie to me, to tell me the story that would make it okay to be with him............but thats what I was doing.

So the light came on and I saw myself and saw that I held a part in the lies..............I wanted and needed them at that time.

Today, I forgive not only him for the lies but forgive myself for needing and somehow wanting them.......

(not sure if this makes any sense but thanks for lettting me share)

It makes perfect sense to me... thanks for shining that light my way too.

It makes perfect sense to me too, and it's good when we can finally discover our part in our feelings and move ahead, yes?

Nice share, thank you.

Hugs

WOW! What an awakening I've just had. I never ever thought about this this way, or even close to it. Having read this has opened my eyes and made me see something I probably don't want to see, but sure do need to see. Thank you lies, for this insight. I have struggled with the trust issues more than any other issue in trying to overcome all that the addiction has caused in my marriage.

This gives me a totally new perspective to think about. It makes total sense to me, and I am so glad that you shared this.

Wow that's a huge awakening. I was thinking as I read your post that your assignment is sort of like why people do a 4th step. In putting everything out there and examining it, I learn to forgive and I also learn my part in things...Makes it so much easier to let it go.