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Old 11-15-2009, 11:34 AM
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It's been a couple years since I've been here. I hope everyone's doing well. My situation is crap again.

After about 2 years clean, J has gotten hooked on Clonopin after two stressed induced psychotic episodes where he ended up in the hospital. The Clonopin was supposed to be a non-narcotic, non-addictive medicine. He's been hooked for about 8 months with a few clean periods in there.

I left him over a month ago and am staying at my parents house right now. I can't deal with it, I've been through it too many times to do it again and I don't have the energy.

I'm also pregnant and I have something more important to think about. I can't raise a child in that situation.

I told him he had one chance to get it right while I was gone before I filed for legal separation so I can get on medicade to have the baby. I don't talk to him because I don't want to hear the words without seeing the actions.

I'm just too darn tired to deal with it this time and now I know better so I left. I had to get myself OUT of the situation because I can't handle living with addiction.

I hate that he's doing this knowing a child is on the way but there's nothing I can do to change it. I've broken my worn copy of Co-dependent No More out again and am going through it again.
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Old 11-15-2009, 11:50 AM
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Thats too bad JWife but it sounds like you have a head on your shoulders and know the correct thing to do for yourself and baby. Its too bad that addiction has such a hold on so many people. Maybe by you making your point and sticking to your boundries things may change. I hope so for you and the baby but if not~~~stay strong and know you have a family here to vent with...Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:04 PM
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Thanks Bonnie.....you know, if they change that will be great. If he can get his butt off his shoulders and see what he is doing then I'll love that...but along time ago someone here told me that expectation = disappointment when it comes to an addict so I'm trying not to expect anything from him but to still have faith that God can take ahold of him again and show him that he's going down the wrong path and help him to change that.

He left a message that he is going to a meeting tomorrow so I'm hopeful that it will help him, but if it doesn't, then I will be okay too. I'll make it.
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:14 PM
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I Jwife. I'm so sorry to hear that things have returned to unacceptable.

The good news is he's found sobriety before, he can do it again, whether your still a part of his life or not. He has the tools, its up to him to use them.

I wish you the best with your plans and your pregnancy. Good for you for knowing its time to take care of you and the baby.

Hope to see you around some

(((Hugs)))
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:39 PM
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Welcome back, Jwife

You are wise to take care of yourself and your baby right now. Time alone will take care of the question of his willingness to be part of your life or not.

Keeping a safe space away from the chaos and where you are safe with support, with your parents, is a wise choice.

We're all cheering you on here, and saying prayers for all of you.

Hugs
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:46 PM
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Welcome back.
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Old 11-15-2009, 05:07 PM
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JWife,

Sorry to hear about this latest twist on things. You are doing great by taking care of you and your baby. I hope that your husband will find recovery again and be able to participate with raising your child. No matter what he does or doesn't do I know that you will be fine. Sending prayers....
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Old 11-15-2009, 05:18 PM
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Thanks all....I appreciate you guys thinking of me and praying for me. I'll make it either way.....whether he gets clean and straightens up or if he doesn't. I'll be okay.
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Old 11-15-2009, 09:06 PM
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I'm glad to see you Jwife, but sad for the reaosn why. You will be okay no matter what...Glad you are out of the chaos and doing what you need to do for you and the baby. When are you due? Lots of hugs and prayers for both of you.
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Old 11-15-2009, 10:26 PM
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hey jwife, glad to hear from you but i'm sorry to hear about your ah. congrats on the new baby and i think its great that you are putting you and your baby first. i pray that your ah finds his way soon and continued strength for you.
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Old 11-15-2009, 11:30 PM
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I'm glad you are able to keep some literal and figurative space between yourself and all of the chaos.


Welcome back Jwife & congrats about the little one on the way.
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Old 11-16-2009, 06:12 AM
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Congrats on the little one! Sorry for what you're going through. Even though
we know the drill, its still hard sometimes. Praying for your family.
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Old 11-16-2009, 04:37 PM
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I'm due June 3, 2010...I'm just about 3 months. It really is hard when I think that he's may not be there for the birth of his child and that brings me to tears but I know I have family and friends that love me and will be there for me when I need them.

He's at a meeting tonight. He called someone he knows who also goes to meetings and asked to go with them. He asked if he could call me after the meeting and I told him yes so we'll see what happens.

I have my first sonogram to hear the baby's heartbeat on Friday. He wants to go to it and I'm thinking I'll let him meet me in the parking lot. If he's clean and normal, he can go in with me, if he isn't, then he can leave. Otherwise, I'll just go by myself.

You know, it's amazing how much strength we can have when we really need it. Before I left, I thought I would be absolutely devastated about leaving and handling my pregnancy on my own but I'm really okay either way. Sure it hurts and I cry sometimes but I CAN get through this and I WILL be okay.
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Old 11-16-2009, 07:15 PM
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Sooo...he talked to some folks tonight and wants to try a methadone maintenance program. He says he WANTS to quit more than anything but he feels like he can't. I think he's asking my opinion on it. Anyone got experience with that?
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Old 11-16-2009, 07:22 PM
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I never heard of using methadone to deal with a klonopin addiction. I've only heard of using it for opiate addictions or for chronic pain. Klonopin is NOT an narcotic. It is not a narcotic. Is he using something else?

I'd focus on me and the baby and let him take care of himself. You cannot save him. Just my opinion, but it sounds like a crock. He needs to talk to a doctor. Not "some folks" who aren't doctors.

Educate yourself my dear and don't listen to his words. It's his actions that count. To me it sounds like trading one addiction for another.
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Old 11-16-2009, 07:24 PM
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Jwife - Your courage and dedication to your unborn child are inspiring. God bless you and I hope you find peace.
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Old 11-16-2009, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty View Post
I never heard of using methadone to deal with a klonopin addiction. I've only heard of using it for opiate addictions or for chronic pain. Klonopin is NOT an narcotic. It is not a narcotic. Is he using something else?

I'd focus on me and the baby and let him take care of himself. You cannot save him. Just my opinion, but it sounds like a crock. He needs to talk to a doctor. Not "some folks" who aren't doctors.

Educate yourself my dear and don't listen to his words. It's his actions that count. To me it sounds like trading one addiction for another.
Spose' I shoulda mentioned that. He came clean and said he hasn't been even getting the Klonopin filled and that he has been taking A LOT of lortab, hydrocodone and vicodin.

I am focused on me and his deal is his deal but since he's got on opportunity to do it right this time (instead of the merry go round that I was on last time) then I want to know if he is getting on a methodone maintenance program because at SOME point, if he can keep his stuff together, I might move back home and if he's sneaking off to some clinic everyday, I'd like to know what for instead of being in the dark about the whole shebang.

I'm pretty educated on the whole subject but have never dealt with methadone before......the folks that he talked to were at a NA meeting tonight and have been clean for a while now. How to put this without it sounding bad.......mmm....he just wanted to see how I would react to his possible getting on a methadone program. Would it just end the one chance that he has to get it right and save the marriage.......get my drift?

I guess I wanted to know if the folks here had a family member who had taken the methadone and had success or failure or abused it or loved it or whatever.....I guess I thought I was trying to educate myself on the methadone.

Believe me, I know what I got to do to take care of me and I'm doing it but I'd like to give him the opportunity to be involved in this child's life at some point, even if we don't make it.....
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Old 11-16-2009, 08:49 PM
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jwife, i think you are doing great at taking care of you and i do understand your concerns. from where i sit, sounds like one of your concerns is allowing him to be involved in the childs life. sorry i never had any exp with methadone, so i'm wondering if it would be any easier for you if you could just stay in the here and now. allow him in one day or appointment at a time until you decide what is best for you all.

i think you still have time to decide what you want to do, and in time you will know what it is you need to know where he is concerned.
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Old 11-16-2009, 09:26 PM
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Originally Posted by teke View Post
jwife, i think you are doing great at taking care of you and i do understand your concerns. from where i sit, sounds like one of your concerns is allowing him to be involved in the childs life. sorry i never had any exp with methadone, so i'm wondering if it would be any easier for you if you could just stay in the here and now. allow him in one day or appointment at a time until you decide what is best for you all.

i think you still have time to decide what you want to do, and in time you will know what it is you need to know where he is concerned.
You know.....you are right. I need to focus on one day at a time. I always was an impatient girl (man there's a crap ton of smilies on here now)
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:15 AM
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Methadone- I can respond to this one. This is my first post. I'll introduce myself later. My boyfriend has been on methadone for two years and is starting to reduce dosage now. He started the program for an addiction to codeine. Of course codeine wasn't his only addiction! He abused alchohol and any drug he could get his hands on. Legal and illegal.

So, has methadone helped? Yes, I have to say it has. He has remained under control with his addictions.

Is he cured? By no means this program has given him the opportunity to experience life without his cravings being the centre of his life. He has learned to enjoy a sober life but that doesn't mean he won't relapse.

Has he had relapse while on the methadone? Yes, but he is urine tested frequently and a relapse means he cannot take methadone home and must have every dose witnessed. He hates that.

Has he abused methadone? Yes. He has taken double doses in an attempt to get high. The consequence of this is withdrawl. This is living hell. It's exactly like a heroin withdrawl. We have to call an ambulance and the hospital is not sympathetic. The program will not give you an extra dose because you screwed up. His bad. He also has to go back to daily witness of doses for a period of time.

Is this trading one addiction for another? Of course it is! Did I mention this is exactly like heroin??? This program is all about harm reduction and is a long term program. It's much safer than soaking the buffer out of 100 Tylenol 1s and drinking them in a water suspension after putting it through a coffee filter to get high!!!! And this is only if the opportunity to get cocaine or crystal meth is not available!!!

Do I think this has helped after two years of daily methadone doses? Believe it or not - yes. He's alive and learning a different way to live that is without the drama of abuse and doing well all things considered.
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