OnceAgain

Where to begin...I was with my ex for 4yrs. During a break up, 2 yrs in, she told me she was addicted to pain pills, and was using them the whole time. We got back together and I found NA meetings for her, went to one with her for support, offered to pay for rehab...yes, I am co-dependent. Just figured that out and am seeking help for it...Well, to make this short, throughout our 4yrs she cheated, lied and treated me like crap. To be honest I didn't treat her the best either, even before she cheated. With that said I am really hurt and confused. She never really told me the extent of her abuse. I was told she took up to 10 pills a day to "function" and that she did it to escape things. At one point she was caught passing fake perscriptions to get pills. She also told me that she could go for weeks at a time without taking pills. I guess my question is...was she a full blown addict? I mean I know she was an addict, but to what extent? As of today we've been broken up for two months and she refuses to talk to me! I don't get it. Why does she hate me soo much? I still love her and want nothing more than to help her get thru this. I'm sorry if this is rambling, but I have no one to talk to about this.

Ann

If she used fake prescriptions, odds are good that she is an addict.

What's more important is how all this has affected you...and addiction does touch every member of the family.

What helped me was going to live meetings, surrounding myself with support, and learning to work a 12 step program that literally saved my life. Maybe give meetings a try, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here.

Take a read around, make yourself comfortable and know you are among friends here who understand.

Hugs

outtolunch

The first statement is a fact. The second statement is BS. Actions do not lie.

Pain pills are semi-synthetic opioids related to opiates like heroin. This is serious stuff.

I am not reading that she wants help. Consider giving her the dignity of deciding her own journey.

teke

hi, welcome. sorry you have to be here but so glad you are. you say you know she is an addict and in time you will know what you want to know. unless she seeks help for herself, her addiction probably will get progressively worse and there is nothing you can do to help her. she has to want to help herself.

i'm a recovering addict and its possible that she don't hate you as much as it seems. maybe she is more comfortable using when not being reminded of how much she needs help. maybe she is distancing herself because she is just not ready to stop.

i'm sorry you are hurting but maybe its time that you find and attend alanon/naranon meetings for yourself. we who live with addiction sometimes need just as much help as our addicted love ones. try to keep the focus on you and how to make your life better, with or without her. you guys are in my prayers.

coffeedrinker

keep coming here, and consider finding a narc-anon or if not available, an al-anon meeting. this board is great, so much wisdom and support.

is she a "full blown addict"? what matters is her behavior. she can't communicate with you right now because she is simply unavailable. it is no reflection on you, or even her love for you. if she's using, that is her love.

oh, but to answer your question about how big an addict she is: i'm thinking she's pretty up there. otherwise she'd be around

liesagain

not to be funny or hurtful........but its kinda like being 'alittle" pregnant

if your pregnant your pregnant and an addict is an addict regardless of where they are in the progression of the disease. UNLESS of course they are a recovering addict working a committed program..........but even then they are one bad decision away from using.

..........addiction is progressive, if not arrested it will continue to grow.

Theres no limit to the depths of addiction other than death...........which sadly happens all to often with addiction.

You didnt cause her to be an addict
you cant cure or control her addiction

try focusing on yourself and taking care of you

OnceAgain

Thanks for all the replies. I know she is an addict and there is nothing I can do to change that, but I'm in denial about it. I just feel like I failed her, like I could have supported her more or been a nicer boyfriend or whatever.

The hardest part is letting go and letting life run it's course; not knowing if she is ok or sick or happy. I know it's best for me to focus on me and I'm trying...guess I'm not 100% ready or understand how to do that. Thanks again!

pinpoint

Addict but everyone has different views on the degrees of full blown addiction. My advice is to stop trying to save her- you've already tried and it sounds like she didn't respond man. As for the dope, if you do get back together get blood tests, hair samples, and urine "watch her" samples. Tell her if she is clean she should pass. Or if she can quit for awhile, and hopefully she can, you'll notice some personality change, maybe a huge one. The person hurting is you my man. DO NOT change something that doesn't want to change. You're hurting and you need to continue getting help. Remember, you didn't cause and you can't cure it. Don't be her savior if she really doesn't want it. Not to mention faking scripts is a huge no no with the DEA and it's probably a Schedule2 opiate which means the punishment can be extremely harsh. You want that? Or what if she buys some oramorph offa the streets and stashes it in your place? YOU could possibly get busted too. Just be careful and focus on you man. She'll either come around or die slowly instead. OR OD.:ghug3

liesagain

onceagain............It may have already been suggested but maybe take some time and read the stickys at the top of the forums..............good info there

my2girls

I too am new and quite confused. I fell in love with a crack addict one year ago. He hid it so well, but then things started to disappear and his stories didn't add up. It was a roller coaster and finally came to a head in July of this year. Our relationship ended when I found out he had committed crimes and that he had stolen the rent and grocery money. He was arrested about a month later because I found an envelope full of evidence of the crimes and turned it in to the police. He was eventually indicted on 3 felonies. He had a prior record and will now face a probation violation if convicted. I am a key wittness and have to testify in all of the cases this week.

Today, I could not stop crying. 15 years ago, his remarkable Christian life touched so many lives. Now, he's lost everything. The thought of him in prison has become such a reality as the court day draws near that I am having trouble functioning. I know he's responsible for the things he's done, but I just can't imagine the pain of his addiction or how he got to this point. I just know that my heart is breaking into pieces with the enevitable looming ahead. Looking for a friend who might understand.