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Old 11-13-2009, 05:33 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
 
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I think once they are gone we have unrealistic expectations. We think kicking them out is like a magic potion and that once he is gone he will realize just what he lost and then everything is going to be different and it is very disappointing when it is not. They seem to care even less then they did when they were living at home.

You'd think they would call more, care more, be concerned more, but it is quite the opposite ... and it sends us into an emotional turmoil wondering how could he/she be so uncaring.

The truth of the matter is that now they have even more time to focus on their addiction .. they don't have to worry about hiding it from you and can use in peace. And pull the guilt trip, "well isn't this what you wanted, me gone. I'm gone now you should be happy, but you're not, your still bytching at me" at least that is the way it was for me with Scotty.

I had to finally realize that Scotty was Scotty and he was going to use regardless. I had to stop expecting him to change and step up to the plate myself and be the difference that I wanted to see in my life.

It wasn't easy, but it got easier with each blow of disappointment he threw my way eventually curved into a strength for me. I grew and changed so much. I no longer had a head knowledge that I couldn't depend on Scotty, but a heart knowledge and I embraced who he was today and not what I hoped he would be tomorrow and began to lean on me, myself and I, but more importantly on God.

He can careless because he is desensitized and his emotions have been locked away far down deep behind the prison cell of his addiction and I can bet that things will begin to spiral down even further. They usually get worse.

I'm sure not what you wanted to hear, but the hard, cold truth.

Just try and remain focused as to why you are where you are and what the purpose is. Focus on your recovery and remember as long as you are well and healthy minded your kids will be too You'll get through this and you'll be a stronger person in the long run.

And deep down I hope you know that there isn't anything you did/didn't, could have/should have done differently that would make him do drugs. He used because he is an addict plain and simple. It doesn't have anything to do with you and everything to do with him.

Hugs and prayers for you and your children,
Passion
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Old 11-15-2009, 01:20 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Well....last night he texted stating that he couldn't sleep. I waiting and responded by saying WHY? THIS WAS THE WRONG MOVE!!!!!! He said I he was thinking he he choose the right thing by moving he missed me and the kids. He said that he was doing bad! Now I just saw him the night before. He came by to see the kids. He said that he needed money to pay a payday loan. He told me this earlier he said he had $150 and was gonna get $150 out the bank. Then all of a sudden he says thta he doesn't have any money! Now he needs 300. He said he doesn't have food or anything. Now he is a cook for a large chain of grocery stores. He eats at work for FREE and he has been taking money out of the bank! If he doesn't have food then it is his own FAULT!!!! I told him I was sure he would work it out. Then, I went to sleep!!! YEAH ME....This is the first time I have been able to tell him NOI!!!!!! and I meant it. I have my kids to take care of not HIM. He brings home over $4000 a month he should have never had a payday loan!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-15-2009, 06:46 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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you're absolutely right, unhappy. yay for you, you kept your head on straight.

i don't even know you yet i'm proud of you!
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Old 11-16-2009, 09:35 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nytepassion View Post

I think once they are gone we have unrealistic expectations. We think kicking them out is like a magic potion and that once he is gone he will realize just what he lost and then everything is going to be different and it is very disappointing when it is not.
I think most of us have, at one time or another, done the kick out thing, expecting this to compel a change. Perhaps a different way of looking at it, is to lose all expectations and do so for one's own sanity.
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Old 11-16-2009, 09:37 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by UNHAPPY777 View Post

He brings home over $4000 a month he should have never had a payday loan!!!!!!!!!!!
Good for you on the NO word.

Do you have a plan if he looses his job/source of income?
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Old 11-16-2009, 10:48 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Out to lunch.......I actually am more financially secure than he is.....That is why he is asking me for money and food. But, muy response to him is I have to take care of the kids. He said he would pay for their daycare which is 1400 a month for 2 kids. But, I know there is a big possiblity that he wont pay so I have to prepare myself for that too. I got my mortgage reduced from 3500+ a month to 2100. So that helps me some.

He actually came by yesterday and informed me that he would be moving his check from our joint account to his own personal account. Thank goodness because I was gonna close the account this week anyway after some bills cleared. Then he also stated that he doesnt have money for toilet paper...Which is funny becaus ein the last week and a half he took out 220 for pocket money. LOL He told me that he was tired of not having any money or checks. Yeah right he wants checks so that he can do more payday loans. But, he isn't getting any of my checks not even from the joint account. He lasted all of two weeks with taking care of the kids. But, somehow I knew this was coming. i don't have expectations but, I think he is reaching his bottom faster than he ever thought. He was still in denial about being on drugs when he came by yesterday. But, I found it very bizarre that he had on christmas pajama pants under his thin sweats and a dirty t-shirt on. My daughter said hey dad where are all of your clothes. He just said it's cold outside. WEIRD!!!!! Now this is a man who has approx. 50 pair of shoes, 6winter coats, 5 leather jackets, 25-50 pair of pants and an enormous amount of shirts t-shirts cardigans and sweat shirts. He ahs really lost his mind. He asked what I was cooking I said chicken and he said that he was tired of chicken and didnt want any.As he walked out the door he asked for two pieces of chicken. LOL

FF.........He said that he was coming by today to clean up the backyard. If he didnt notice or remember....he hired a gardener 2 years ago!!! Now the funny thing is ... he doesn't know I changed the locks over a week ago and the alarm code and password. I can't wait to tell you guys his reaction ..........He didnt even clean the yard when he was there who does he think he is fooling!!! He probably though that he could come in and take what he wanted WRONG he had the opportunity to take what he wanted in the beginning now he gets NOTHING!!!!!!! Of course unless he asks because he is entitled. He wont be roaming the house when I am not there!!!
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Old 11-16-2009, 11:35 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Do you plan to pursue a court order for child support?
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Old 11-16-2009, 11:39 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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He hasn't stopped paying..But, I am prepared to do whatever I need to do. In Cali the laws are different though. Because I make more things could get complicated.
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