jenelyse

I am a 24 year old female with a boyfriend of 2 years who is an addict. He was abusing anything he can get his hands on, but his main drug of choice is marijuana. I've spent my entire life surrounded by addiction- My father is a recovering alcoholic.

The problem:

My boyfriend is currently in an inpatient rehab facility for 28 days, and he is his last 2 weeks there. He is doing better than I could have ever imagined! When he gets out of rehab he has no place to live, no job, no car, no money. Staying with me is not an option due to lack of money and a roommate who wouldn't go for it. His parents are not an option because they are both active addicts. None of his friends are viable options - as they are contributed to this addiction. Where can I look for resources to help with this issue? Are there are any places he can stay while at least getting a job (living in Denver, CO) ? I am at wits end trying to find help for him when he gets out! As long as he is dedicated to his recovery, I am dedicated to do everything I can to help him. Please help!!! Thanks

laurie6781

Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here, but sorry that you had to find us.

Actually you should not be looking, this is his responsibility and if he broaches it with his counselors I am sure they will suggest several Sober Living Facilities for him to contact. I do believe it would not be enabling, the next time he brings up the subject to suggest he speak with his counselors about Sober Living Facilities.

SLF are great places. They allow the A to live with others in various stages of recovery. They do have rules and the A earns more and more priveleges. They have a semblance of regimentation, the A is expected to contribute, help with chores, attend meetings, get a job, abide by curfew and slowly earn more freedom as the A continues their recovery and grows and changes.

SLF allows the A to start 'practicing' the 'tools' the A has learned in rehab.

This is his problem, his consequences. What are you doing for you? Have you tried Al-Anon, Naranon and/or some one on one counseling.

J M H O

Please look around, check out the site, there is lots of GREAT information here.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

jenelyse

Thank you for your reply. It really is heart-warming to get such a welcoming and caring response!

The reason I am looking is because he has approached his rehab facility and they haven't been of any help in this area. He is very limited to outside resources while he's there - so I am trying to see what's out there. He really does not have any place to go when he is released - and I will be out of town for 10 days after he's out.

I have been going to one on one counseling and been working through the "Artists Way" workbook to help me strengthen my relationship with myself. Also been building relationships with my parents and friends that had fallen by the way side as everything came to a head before he was admitted to rehab. I have never heard of naranon - I have been wondering if there was something like that! I was honestly going to call Al-anon hotline to find a meeting for myself tomorrow.

Thank you for your advice, it is greatly appreciated!

greeteachday

Welcome! Naranon meetings for you are a great idea and Alanon is fine if there are no Naranon meetings near you. The focus is on you rather than your addicted love one and the programs are generally the same. I found trying out a few different meetings at first was helpful. It took a few tries to find the right fit the group that I felt most comfortable with. Once i did, it was like coming home.

I'm sorry the counselors aren't providing your BF with more assistance - that's unusual.

I think sober living is a great idea. Some places are pricey while others are self supporting and just split costs. I have heard of great results with Oxford Houses -0 Sober living houses -0 self run and self supported recovery houses. They're rules usually include attending meetings, house meetings, participating in chores around the house and obtaining employment within a certain period of time. The cost is usually something a person could afford even if only at an entry level job.

Here's a link for more info about them:
Oxford House


Hope you will stick around and read and share there's lots of support here and great folks.

greeteachday

Wow- CO was posting as I was - thanks so much for the excellent info on resources! (even though you aren't the touchy feely type, lol )

teke

hi, just want to chime in to welcome you. i agree with the others, addicts are resourceful. i also find it unusual that his counselors are not so helpful. i've been through a quite a few rehabs/ detoxes and each time i was at least made aware of options for some form of sober living that i could have gone straight there from rehab.

i agree that this is his business and giving the opportunity, i'm almost sure if he really wants it, he'll find his own way. keep the focus on you and allow him to do the same.

i think maybe its time for you to think about whether or not this is what you really want out of a relationship. i spent 21yrs of my life trying to stand by my addict and it was the worst decision i could have ever made for myself.

i'm glad he's getting help and i'm praying that he follows through on his road to recovery.

hello-kitty

Don't rescue him. You are not his life preserver. You are not responsible for him (even though you might feel like it.) You are not the solution to his problems. One of the most important aspects of recovery is figuring out solutions to life's problems all on your own.

Your best answer (after you give him Cynical's very thorough list of places to stay is...)

"I know you are a smart man. I have faith you'll figure out a solution to your living situation all by yourself."

This is a great time to focus on you and your life, your wants, your needs and your future. Do you have firm boundaries about the kind of treatment and behavior you are willing to accept in your life? What are the consequences if those boundaries are violated? What are YOU going to do to ensure that YOU are living a healthy, productive life once he gets out of rehab?

You work on you. He works on him. And if it works between you, then it works! But if it doesn't, you grow from the experience.