AS Backsliding
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
AS Backsliding
I havent posted much lately. As some of you may recall my 16 yo son is in a Boy's Ranch right now after failed attempts at rehab and many jail stints. I had thought that he was doing really good. He got his GED, he'd been staying out of trouble for the most part and just waiting to do his time there until he comes home. We have been getting along and had a great visit this weekend.
After the visit i read a letter he gave me to give to his friend and i found out that the psychiatrist he has been seeing there has prescribed him xanax and sleeping pills. his plan is to get a 90 day supply when he leaves, sell some and use the rest himself. xanax is one of my son's DOCs which he dealt for a while and he also OD'd on sleeping pills last year. somehow this kid has convinced the doc that he needs them. I spoke with the nurse at the ranch and she stated that she also had strong concerns about it but that the doc assured her that it was okay. after talking with her i realized that he has been telling the doc that he has panic attacks - its me who has panic attacks so he has the doc thinking that my symptoms are his - he also claimed that i'm on xanax (which i am not) and that they help mine so for some reason they felt that meant it would be good for him.
I feel like yet again i've been fooled by this kid. he has played a major con on the doctor and the doctor is stupid enough to have fallen for it. i was adament with the nurse that he had to come off of the xanax immediately because when he comes home he's going to have a worse addiction then when he went there. He's supposed to come home for part of the holidays and i've already decided that if he's still on xanax that he's not coming here. i just wont have it in my home and i'm not going to babysit some prescription that he fully intends on abusing. If they dont take him off i'm also going to call his PO because she needs to know that they are basically supplying him with drugs. At this point he's going to have to get clean from them and i'm assuming he'll have some withdrawal because he's been on them for quite a while there. But overall i cant understand what the he!! kind of doctor gives a 16yo drug addict prescriptions for narcotics? Obviously its my son's fault but we all know that an addict is going to do whatever they can to get drugs so what is wrong with this stupid doc?
I've got some decisions to make. I'm not sure that i'm going to be open to him living with me and there's a part of me that is wanting a new start. I have been thinking about moving out of this area to my best friends town. i've held off on it because of the kids and their ties here. if my son comes home and is the same way i think i may just leave him up here and move with my daughter next summer. he'll be close to 18 at that point and can legally move out of my home and/or choose to not come with me. I've got time to think it through but i'm getting closer to that decision all the time.
After the visit i read a letter he gave me to give to his friend and i found out that the psychiatrist he has been seeing there has prescribed him xanax and sleeping pills. his plan is to get a 90 day supply when he leaves, sell some and use the rest himself. xanax is one of my son's DOCs which he dealt for a while and he also OD'd on sleeping pills last year. somehow this kid has convinced the doc that he needs them. I spoke with the nurse at the ranch and she stated that she also had strong concerns about it but that the doc assured her that it was okay. after talking with her i realized that he has been telling the doc that he has panic attacks - its me who has panic attacks so he has the doc thinking that my symptoms are his - he also claimed that i'm on xanax (which i am not) and that they help mine so for some reason they felt that meant it would be good for him.
I feel like yet again i've been fooled by this kid. he has played a major con on the doctor and the doctor is stupid enough to have fallen for it. i was adament with the nurse that he had to come off of the xanax immediately because when he comes home he's going to have a worse addiction then when he went there. He's supposed to come home for part of the holidays and i've already decided that if he's still on xanax that he's not coming here. i just wont have it in my home and i'm not going to babysit some prescription that he fully intends on abusing. If they dont take him off i'm also going to call his PO because she needs to know that they are basically supplying him with drugs. At this point he's going to have to get clean from them and i'm assuming he'll have some withdrawal because he's been on them for quite a while there. But overall i cant understand what the he!! kind of doctor gives a 16yo drug addict prescriptions for narcotics? Obviously its my son's fault but we all know that an addict is going to do whatever they can to get drugs so what is wrong with this stupid doc?
I've got some decisions to make. I'm not sure that i'm going to be open to him living with me and there's a part of me that is wanting a new start. I have been thinking about moving out of this area to my best friends town. i've held off on it because of the kids and their ties here. if my son comes home and is the same way i think i may just leave him up here and move with my daughter next summer. he'll be close to 18 at that point and can legally move out of my home and/or choose to not come with me. I've got time to think it through but i'm getting closer to that decision all the time.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Oh Winnie I am so sorry to hear that this has happened. What a joke that the doc seems to think its ok for him to have these pills.
I am glad to hear that you are looking at this objectively and finding solutions for you and not him.
Have faith that this is all apart of a bigger plan. Sometimes backsliding is exactly what the addict needs to see and feel in order for them to become serious about getting well. I have seen it happen so many times like that.
You and your family are in my prayers....
I am glad to hear that you are looking at this objectively and finding solutions for you and not him.
Have faith that this is all apart of a bigger plan. Sometimes backsliding is exactly what the addict needs to see and feel in order for them to become serious about getting well. I have seen it happen so many times like that.
You and your family are in my prayers....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
awwwwwww ((Winnie)), I'm sorry, but I don't understand some doctors.
I totally understand you not wanting him home if he's still on the meds and thinking about moving away. You've done what you can do and if he doesn't seriously want the help, there's nothing anyone can do.
You're a great mom, and you've done as much as you can. Take care of you and dd, and let him deal with his consequences, although I know it has to hurt.
Love, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
I totally understand you not wanting him home if he's still on the meds and thinking about moving away. You've done what you can do and if he doesn't seriously want the help, there's nothing anyone can do.
You're a great mom, and you've done as much as you can. Take care of you and dd, and let him deal with his consequences, although I know it has to hurt.
Love, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Oh ((((()Winnie))))) I am so sorry, but to be honest not surprised.
Definitely fill in his PO on all you have found out. I would suspect that his 'conning' the psych dr is part addict and part just being 16-17 and seeing what he can get a way with.
You might also want to tell the PO that based on his actions so far, you will NOT be allowing him to return home at the Holidays ad will just have to spend his time at The Ranch. You are not obligated to have him in your home, after all he is a 'ward of the state' right now. You also have the choice of letting the 'State Board of Medical Examiners' or the State Regulatory Department for MD's about the ineptitude of this particular doctor in treating a 16 year old addict, ie file complaints.
The older I get the more complaints I have filed on the incompetency of members of the Medical Profession and I don't feel one damn bit of guilt. I have done it against Drs I have seen, and I have especially done it against several of the Drs my grandchildren have seen, over my daughters objections once.
Your idea about moving away will obviously take a lot more research, thinking and planning on your part, but looks to me like you have the best interests of you and DD as priorities and that is a good thing.
I still see you working your program! And that makes my heart smile.
Of course you don't want to 'abandon' son, but son needs some heavy duty 'wake up' calls, and will continue to have to be called on his BS. The ice thing is you don't have to be the one to do it directly. That is what PO's are for. Right now, PO has a lot more 'weight' in his mind than 'mom.' HIs life is in PO's hands.
Do NOT, please accept any guilt for his latest actions and I know that is a hard one. I know, while still drinking and into recovery for a quite a while I blamed myself, for my father's alchoholism, if I had not been such a rotten child, he would not have been an alcoholic. If my mom had not been so 'mean' to him he would not have been an alcoholic. It was NOT my guilt. It was not my mother's guilt. It is NOT your guilt. He did this one all by himself.
The hard part for us is not getting in the thick of it and slapping the chit out of them or beating their heads up against a concrete block wall to get get them to see what they are doing to themselves.
Well ............................ he is doing this to himself. He is quite the 'manipulator.' Would do great selling 0 degree freezers to Eskimos and used cars. Now he is going to have to learn how to be honest. That, like everything else takes times.
I do believe you have the right to pass on all the information you have learned to his PO.
We are still walking with you in spirit. Please don't be a stranger.
Lots and lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,
Definitely fill in his PO on all you have found out. I would suspect that his 'conning' the psych dr is part addict and part just being 16-17 and seeing what he can get a way with.
You might also want to tell the PO that based on his actions so far, you will NOT be allowing him to return home at the Holidays ad will just have to spend his time at The Ranch. You are not obligated to have him in your home, after all he is a 'ward of the state' right now. You also have the choice of letting the 'State Board of Medical Examiners' or the State Regulatory Department for MD's about the ineptitude of this particular doctor in treating a 16 year old addict, ie file complaints.
The older I get the more complaints I have filed on the incompetency of members of the Medical Profession and I don't feel one damn bit of guilt. I have done it against Drs I have seen, and I have especially done it against several of the Drs my grandchildren have seen, over my daughters objections once.
Your idea about moving away will obviously take a lot more research, thinking and planning on your part, but looks to me like you have the best interests of you and DD as priorities and that is a good thing.
I still see you working your program! And that makes my heart smile.
Of course you don't want to 'abandon' son, but son needs some heavy duty 'wake up' calls, and will continue to have to be called on his BS. The ice thing is you don't have to be the one to do it directly. That is what PO's are for. Right now, PO has a lot more 'weight' in his mind than 'mom.' HIs life is in PO's hands.
Do NOT, please accept any guilt for his latest actions and I know that is a hard one. I know, while still drinking and into recovery for a quite a while I blamed myself, for my father's alchoholism, if I had not been such a rotten child, he would not have been an alcoholic. If my mom had not been so 'mean' to him he would not have been an alcoholic. It was NOT my guilt. It was not my mother's guilt. It is NOT your guilt. He did this one all by himself.
The hard part for us is not getting in the thick of it and slapping the chit out of them or beating their heads up against a concrete block wall to get get them to see what they are doing to themselves.
Well ............................ he is doing this to himself. He is quite the 'manipulator.' Would do great selling 0 degree freezers to Eskimos and used cars. Now he is going to have to learn how to be honest. That, like everything else takes times.
I do believe you have the right to pass on all the information you have learned to his PO.
We are still walking with you in spirit. Please don't be a stranger.
Lots and lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
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I'm sorry Winnie, but very glad that somehow you were given the opportunity to see this letter before things got totally out of control. I think your idea of notifying the PO is an excellent one...I'm amazed, although I guess I shouldn't be, that this doc fell for this hook, line and sinker. How could he even consider giving an addict xanax like this?
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I spoke to my son last night and told him that i was making them stop the xanax. It was pretty sad to hear him - or lets say to hear his addiction talking. "He cant get through it without his pills, he needs them, I have to let him have them, if i dont he wont stay there and he'll go back to jail." All I could say to him was this is addiction talking. He says he feels better taking them - duh of course he does, he's doped up all day too.
This morning his counselor called and said he was refusing to get out of bed. She's having to call his PO and I guess we'll see what happens next. If it means he has to go back to jail to stay clean then so be it - that's solely his choice. I did also find out that he's been holding pills and taking a bunch at once to get high so i let her know that as well. Good chance they'll throw him out just for that.
This morning his counselor called and said he was refusing to get out of bed. She's having to call his PO and I guess we'll see what happens next. If it means he has to go back to jail to stay clean then so be it - that's solely his choice. I did also find out that he's been holding pills and taking a bunch at once to get high so i let her know that as well. Good chance they'll throw him out just for that.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Oh Winnie, I'm sorry to hear this. That Dr. should be fired! Makes me mad as heck to know your son at age 16 is getting those kind of drugs. I would talk to no one else and get a lawyer. Your son is in the States hands, and getting drugs like that????
Keep that letter, do not give it to his friend and see a lawyer quickly.
Keep that letter, do not give it to his friend and see a lawyer quickly.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Oh Winnie. I am so sorry to read this.
I remember last year, around the holidays, when he was lying on the floor, in the dark, and you stumbled over him and how this was your fault. So much immaturity....so little time......
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I remember last year, around the holidays, when he was lying on the floor, in the dark, and you stumbled over him and how this was your fault. So much immaturity....so little time......
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I swear this kid has luck like no one i've ever known. Since he's accomplished his goals of the program and the doc prescribed the drugs they are going to just send him home early on his 17th birthday. 17 is the majic number in GA for being charged as an adult. So if he breaks probation he goes to adult jail. His counselor agreed that the doc was crazy and he and everyone has agreed that he must come off the xanax now. So he's off the xanax but getting to come home a month early. i dont know but that doesnt seem like a great learning lesson to me. I suspect when he comes home his PO is going to be all over him - she doesnt like him and i know would love to send him to adult detention. But its his life so we'll just let the cards fall where they do.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Winnie, I am so sorry. You're handling yourself as usual, with grace. I am amazed at the lack of knowledge in the addiction world when it comes to so called professionals. I've experienced that with my RAH and trying to play the cards to get what you want. All the while "following the rules".
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Antioch, Ca.
Posts: 158
:praying
Winnie,
so sorry to hear this. I was so hoping he was really going to go all the way with this program. Wish I had the magic answer to all of this. He really is so hard-headed. Can't see why he would put himself back in the position of going back to jail.
This is so hard.
Hugs
Susan
Winnie,
so sorry to hear this. I was so hoping he was really going to go all the way with this program. Wish I had the magic answer to all of this. He really is so hard-headed. Can't see why he would put himself back in the position of going back to jail.
This is so hard.
Hugs
Susan
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by winnie12 
I feel like yet again i've been fooled by this kid.
Originally Posted by winnie12
I've got time to think it through but i'm getting closer to that decision all the time.
Originally Posted by winnie12
But its his life so we'll just let the cards fall where they do.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Winnie))
From the sounds of it, he won't be "free" for long. I think you and dd have had a nice respite from the chaos and drama and will be very protective of the calm you've gotten somewhat used to and that's a good thing - hold onto it for dear life!! He tries to bring all the chaos/drama back in, he'll be 17 and you are no longer responsible for him in our lovely state.
Keep his PO abreast of what is going on, and keep taking care of Winnie and dd. I wish it was better news, I really do. I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch a kid be so damned hard-headed about trying to ruin his life!
Lots and lots of love, hugs and prayers to all of you!
Amy
From the sounds of it, he won't be "free" for long. I think you and dd have had a nice respite from the chaos and drama and will be very protective of the calm you've gotten somewhat used to and that's a good thing - hold onto it for dear life!! He tries to bring all the chaos/drama back in, he'll be 17 and you are no longer responsible for him in our lovely state.
Keep his PO abreast of what is going on, and keep taking care of Winnie and dd. I wish it was better news, I really do. I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch a kid be so damned hard-headed about trying to ruin his life!
Lots and lots of love, hugs and prayers to all of you!
Amy
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