Strength and Prayers

Old 10-22-2009, 10:07 AM
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Strength and Prayers

HI .....

Will you guys please say a prayer for me and my kids for strength and guidance. Today isn't a good day for me. I just feel as though the world is tumbling down on me. My parents want me to take action on my AH which I have been doing...But NOT at their pace.....My days are busy and hectic. I awake at 5 am, take my chidren to daycare, drive over an hour to work, work 8 hours, drive home, get the kids, feed them, go to cheer practice for 2 1/2 hours, do homework take baths and get ready for the next day. That on top of washing clothes, paying bills, cleaning the house, dealing with loan modification people, step children calling daily, taking care of the dog, my parents nagging, restaining orders against his drug buddy/pretend girlfriend who I am working with the sheriffs on prosecuting her for harrassing me and did I say I have a JOB!!!! I am exhausted and just need to breathe. He is helping me with nothing except paying some of the bills. Then he has the nerve to say he doesn't want a divorce. The hardest part is that he looks so da*n NORMAL!!!! He was suppose to move last month but, he is still here. Now he says next week. I don't have energy to go to court or the time!!!!!!!!!!!




PRAYER CHANGES THINGS!!!!!!
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Old 10-22-2009, 10:18 AM
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sorry you are feeling down. sometimes we have to do what we have to do at our own pace and in our own time. you have a lot going on and it does time time. you and your family are in my prayers.
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Old 10-22-2009, 10:38 AM
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It is very easy for me to see why you are feeling overwhelmed. You must feel like the whole world is on your shoulders and everything is up to you to take care of. My shoulders actually started hurting because of the load I felt from my situtation. When he finally leaves and you have some time to breathe without all that crap going on you will start to see better days for you and your kids. They do look normal, mine did too but he was far from normal. My final divorce is in 3 weeks and I've been waiting on this day and it will be celebrated by me!! Everthing will happen in it's own time if you just feel worn out let things happen as they may. You only have control over yourself and your reactions. Take your power back and show him that STRONG WOMAN that you are. You and the kids will be in my prayers today.
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Old 10-22-2009, 11:29 AM
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Thanks for the responses.....I think that even the strongest women sometimes gets weak. I'm just tired. Tomorrow will be a brighter day. I just have to learn that I can't take the weight of the world and try to carry it on my shoulders.
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Old 10-22-2009, 12:56 PM
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sending some prayers your way! Perhaps during your lunch you can take some time to meditate, read a good book or just close your eyes for a few minutes and regroup. You sound over-whelmed (geez I wonder why) and need a little time for yourself (wherever you can find it).

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:18 PM
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Thanks SB .....I just could have never imagine a world so cold and people so dry.......I guess the reality is... that the man I married is GONE forever and I need to face it!
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:18 PM
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Hi there. Some days are easy and other days are almost too painful to live through. I know you are busy and for me, busy is better than bored because bored allows me to think and stress and worry.

Hopefully your husband WILL finally move out next week and you can have some peace. I know when my husband was at home, I slept with one eye open and walked on eggshells all the time, counted and recounted every penny, did visual inventories of our property/belongings and just about hyperventilated every time his phone rang or he went to the store. Every move he made or thing he did, I scrutinized to see exactly how high he might be and it pure wore me out. Once he was gone, the kids and I felt so much relief. They told me that it was good to see me smile and laugh.

Some days/weeks are extremely difficult however as my posts show. I understand how you can hate your addict and love them too. It took me several trys to permanently get mine out of the house. He expected me to beg him to come back and I didn't. Not this time. You sound much stronger than me so I'll be praying that resolution and peace come for you much quicker than it did for me. :praying
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:51 PM
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Mrs. Magoo...How long did it take you to get him out!!!!! and what steps did you take? I know you have a RO and I was wondering how that came about! My husband isn't aggressive or abusive. I understand about walking on eggshells....I am in no way afraid of him, I am afraid of the unknown. He asked me one day how I felt because I no longer had control over him I responded by saying "neither do YOU".
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Old 10-23-2009, 07:54 AM
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My AH has been thru several rehabs/detoxes. The last time he went (Feb/March of this year), he knew that was the last time I was going to go through this. When I found out he was using again at the beginning of the year, I simply told him to get out. I told him I didn't care where he went or what he did, he had to get out. Kids are great leverage too (they deserve better, etc.).

He left and of course was really PO'd. A couple of days went by and nobody had seen or heard from him. I drove through a local treatment center on the off chance that he was there and low and behold, not only was he there....he was standing outside smoking a cigarette and let me tell you...he was NOT happy to see me.

He finally called me, I think it was the next day, and he was crying about all the awful things he said to me as he walked out the door and later that day when I called to ask him if he was gone yet. Eventually I went to family meetings and we talked with his counselor and I made it very clear at that point that I was disgusted, angry and would NOT do this again. That particular time, he stayed 21 days instead of 3-5 which showed me effort and that he was taking responsibility for his addiction so I let him come back.

When he came back, the first thing he did was tell me he wanted to renew our vows. I was smart for once and told him I wanted to wait to see how he was going to do this time.

My husband didn't officially relapse on illegal drugs when I asked him to leave again in July. He has all the behaviors. He was going to meetings and had a sponsor but his prescription drugs had him so heavily sedated that he might as well have been using and he was unwilling to speak to his doctors about the fact that he was over-medicated. When he was upright, he was getting snippy and his moods would swing so we would all walk on eggshells.

Here's my thing - I don't mind being a single parent if I'm a single parent but when there is another parent under the same roof and I still feel like a single parent, I might as well be.

He relapsed on crack and alchohol immediately. I felt guilty for a while. Now I know that he didnt' have to go buy crack or hit the liquer store. He made that choice and he knew what the consequences were. I was very clear and since I'm in a program, he knows I have the support in place to follow-thru with allowing him to reach his bottom all by himself this time. Before, I was always deciding when he had had enough. This time, it's up to him. This time he's living on the street and in a shelter. This time, I'm not sending him money or buying his cigarettes or paying his cell phone bill. This time I'm not letting him near our daughter and have a court order in place. This time is different (thank you God, SR and CR)! It's not easy.

I just had to decide that it was time to take care of me and the children. I had to decide how much damage I was willing to do to them and myself.
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Old 10-23-2009, 07:56 AM
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Oh, I want to add that when I told him to leave, he told me he needed a week. He needed to wait for his next unemployment check and he would be out on Monday. I never came home. I picked up the kids and went to a freinds house. When he told me he needed a few more days, I stayed at my friends a little longer and told him to leave the key on the counter. I think we were at my friend's about 7 days but it was worth it.
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Old 10-23-2009, 09:28 AM
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Mrs.Magoo....What a journey. I feel the same way about the single parent thing. He comes in and goes against rules that I have established. He just over looks the things that are important to me and the kids. The last two days I have really been in a funk. I really need to pick myself up and brush myself off and MOVE -ON.

I always thought that I was going to wake up one day and he would be the old man that I married. But, today I know that wuill never happend. At lease not while he is in active addiction.

Thanks
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Old 10-23-2009, 09:12 PM
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:praying
Omg I feel as if I am reading about my life so much with your post. also with you ,mrs magoo. I read your post for strength! my AH took off on me and our 3 and now 1 yr to go be a heroin addict. I basically said your going to use then get the heck out of here! then I changed the locks! He has stayed away probaibly thinking I had a R-O.. This is Not the first time he was using was in outpaitent in July but this time i found out hes shooting. I came across a syring in my car! He left me no money as he lost his job a week prior and we just got home from a week long stay at a childrens hospital for my 3 yr old daughters kidney surgery! I am feeling so much weight! I am also not "geting rid of him" like my mother suggests - I am working 50 hours a week and taking care of the bills barely and house , 2 huge dogs now for the last MONTH and 2 weeks. I have had texting contact and a streak of him saying he was going impatent but then days go by not hear anything. He finally shows up to a bday party for our son the day after his real first bday date (never called ) and is saying hes staying with gradma detoxing,ect ! my 3 year old was hesitant to go by him and my son cried and didnt know who he was! I hope it was a wake up call for him. This is such a hell were living in ! I finally called a laywer cause I am thru but moms is going to pay so there will be strings attached. now today I hear hes on day 3 trying to be clean at gma's I am so torn on what to do with him. IN the meantime- i been doing the single mom thing and starting to get into a routine. I have some challanges and ruff days like by today- Friday I am on here desperate to hear some advice from others as no one understands why I havent filed . Well anyway, Hang in there! You will be amazed at what you do by the end of the day . Stay strong- you can do it . I was so dependent on him but now I am almost scared to let him home cause I got my own thing going now. I will be praying for you tonight...
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:03 AM
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Mrsck09....Stay strong. I believe in listening to advice and filtering out what you want to use. It sounds like you should probably try to take time for you and then decide what YOU want to do for you and your kids. If others have never been in your situation than how can they judge? Be strong and only you know when enough is enough. My prayers go out to you today!! For I woke up this morning with hope and a smile upon my face
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