Feelin' Low and Still Sick
 

Well I am still sick with this miserable cold. I think it is trying to turn into bronchitis or pneumonia. But I have a dr. appt next week, so hope to be feeling better soon.

I had just typed a long lament. But after reading it, I backspaced it all because I realize it still boils down to:

I have no control over him or his addiction.

Addicts operate on two emotions: causing anger or anxiety.

Right now he's causing me anxiety.

But, I can only do something about my own attitudes and own feelings concerning this anxiety.

Can't make him call me or do anything for me. (curiosity is killing this cat!) Nor do I want to, because it would all just be for manipulative reasons to find out where he is at. All my needs are met, I have meds and soup and juice. So no reason to make contact other than I can't stand the silence. I feel like we are in some stupid standoff to see who buckles first and calls!

Last time it was me and it was disastrous!

So, back to step 1 I go!

I still want to hope at this point that things will work out. And I can't make him do it until he wants to. I am not ready to give up on him, but I am ready to let go.

Thanks for just letting me vent. These feelings were just stacking up inside and I could feel myself working up to an inappropriate behavior. (actually I did call his cell phone but as soon as I heard it ring, I immediately hung up. NO MORE OF THAT!)

Ok, I am going to bed before I do anything else. Sleep tight everyone!:tyou

I am sorry you're still sick and please be very careful and keep in touch with your doctor. In spite of all that, I see your recovery shining here. I can't tell you how many times I have returned to Step 1, "I am powerless over___" to remind myself that the only person I can control is me, thinking I can control anyone else is an illusion.

The second line above jumped out at me. So many times I knew that MY methods were disastrous, and so many times I did them again and again, thinking each time that the outcome would be different.

That you recognize that is huge, and a big step in recovery.

Sending hugs because it isn't easy being us sometimes. :hug:

It's hard to keep your "sane" on when you don't feel good. All the more reason to take care of yourself.

gentle hugs (I like cyber hugs....you can't spread germs;-)

Hi Puggrinz. Sorry you're still sick. There is a lot of that going around, especially where it just lingers and lingers for weeks. Before you go to the doctor, I would recommend googling "Is it a Virus or a Cold?" and looking at the chart of symptoms, so that you can be more clear with your doc in describing them.

As for the no-contact and what you are going thru right now...What helped me tremendously (and still does) is this:

I finally accepted that I cannot help him in any way, shape, or form. I had to accept that the stage of addiction he is in, ANY of what I would call "helping" is actually enabling. Even trying to continue a relationship with him is enabling. Because my acceptance of him into my life at ANY level, even with NO expectations, allows him to continue to believe that (1) there is nothing "wrong" and (2) everything that happens as a consequence of his behavior is MY fault. He continues to believe this despite the fact that I will not answer his calls and have completely taken myself out of the picture. I don't want to contribute to the progression of his disease.

You see, his entire world is shaped by his addictions. He does not operate at any level of reality that the rest of us operate in. When I looked closely at what I always suspected was evidence that he was sick, and put it all together on paper, I understood my role and how I contributed to the feeding of his "cancer."

I finally understood that continuing to be involved with him in any way only hurts him more. And because I do not want to act contrary to love, I must let him go and let him experience his life, and stand on his own two feet. It was difficult, yes, and painful, yes. I sobbed and wailed and cried with the sounds of an infant but I have not moved from it since.

I hope this helps you in some small way. I hope you feel better soon.

Puggrinz, So sorry to hear you're still sick. I finally hauled myself to the doctors this week and got some meds and while I'm not completely 100% yet, I know I on the mend.

I, too, have many times had to re-visit step 1. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, I find it to be very helpful to remind myself that I have "no" control over.........
anything or anyone but me.

Hope you feel better soon.

Hugs,
Chris

I'm sorry you're still sick---I am, too. Keep drinking those fluids and taking care of yourself.

Hey there Puggs.....

Oh I know the being 'sick' thing. I had a 'virus' for almost 3.5 weeks, (saw the doc on week 2.5 and was told I had a cold)..... finally on 3.5 weeks I dragged myself back to the doc to find I had bronchitis/maybe pnemonia.... got antibiotics.........and ZAP, back to normal after one day!!!! (and I'm not a fan of antibiotics) but golly gee, I evidently needed them.

That being said....hopefully the doc will help you out.

Also, in regard to your frustration, it's much, much harder to keep your senses in check when you aren't feeling well. I'd take a trip to the local mart, and grab some good magazines, the computer, anything that will keep you lying low and most importantly occupied!!!

DO NOT CRUMBLE>.... all that will do, is make you more frustrated, (tears will usually follow) and that will only prolong any illness.....you sinuses will thank you for eliminating any unecessary action!

Stay strong, and i hope you feel better soon.

Love,
cess