soconfusednow

Hi..I havent been on in a few days, due to my p/c being naughty and also family turmoil.

I have been to several alanon meetings and AA meetings the last few weeks. Taking care of my sobriety and learning to let go of my husband's lack of it.

I am trying to not be inflammatory around him, to let him do his own thing, and I'm going out to more meetings, reading, and doing my own thing.

My husband is doing all kinds of things to evoke sympathy and whoa is me.

For instance, this week he had cataract surgery..they didnt give him narcotics, the doctor said he would be fine. He wanted my daughters, which I had dumped out..he got mad at that..he gets pills from the eye doctor the next day after some manipulating.He finally goes back to work yesterday, is on ritalin(he gets this look from doing ritalin that I cant stand).

I wake up a while ago, to a phone message from 1am, saying he is at the hospital, and he would say he loved me us but we never say it back? I go into the living room, and he is there, and couldnt remember why he was at the hospital...he is so messed up.

Anyway, this is about me...how the heck do I stay out of the drama?

Ugghh...good to finally be back on here.

Ann

Welcome back and it sounds like you're doing okay and letting him deal with his own problems.

Someone here once said that detaching with love was like leaving emotionally without squealing your tires.

Glad to see you are taking care of you and your own sobriety and sorry he hasn't joined you on the journey....yet. I have a feeling he may not be far behind, but that is totally out of our hands, yes?

Hugs

soconfusednow

Thanks for your kind words...Id like to think he will see the light soon...he's only been to about 20 detoxes in his lifetime....he knows the deal.

No sooner that I typed the original posting, I go out to start my car to go to an AA meeting, and the car isnt there....turns out, he got a pain shot at the hospital and left the car there...he walked home two miles....So, of course, he's passed out on the chair, not having a care in the world and I'm stuck. I had to call his sister and she took me up to get the car...but I'm so resentful..every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie.

I just need to take care of myself..if that's all I can do, then Im on the right track. I dont even want to come home anymore. I'm becoming like my dad who watched his wife waste away in a lazyboy chair, making love to a bottle. I'm going through the same exact thing. Ugghh..so sad, and I'm sad, and angry at someone who has a terrible disease.
Thanks for listening..off to work.

outtolunch

I choose not to live in the chaos/drama of addiction and therefore I cannot live with someone in active addiction. It is my one unshakable boundary. My own sanity depends on it.

Abundance

So Confused Now....

Detaching with Love..... I was able to do it... BUT it took me 7 weeks of No Contact.

The last DOC my x used was ritalin. He went from oxy abuse to ritalin abuse.

I know what you mean about that *look* when abusing ritalin.

I wonder sometimes if I could have the peace and serenity and self-growth if he was here. I'll actually imagine what was THEN.... and think of how I am feeling/acting NOW.... and if the two could blend. Just the act of doing that brings me anxiety and sadness - because the answer is "no".

I'm glad you are taking care of yourself... at times like these- we have to!

laurie6781

I found and still find that what works for me when dealing with any still practicing A that is in my life is to do picture the BIG WHITE AFLAC DUCK WITH THE ORANGE BEAK and then when they open their mouth to speak all I hear is QUACK QUACK QUACK

Now I know that is sounds funny, but with practice I have gotten pretty darn good doing it, which allows me to walk away without saying anything, or to say something mundane like "that's nice," "that's your choice," etc and walk away.

I know you may not be ready yet, but I am with Outtolunch, I absolutely refuse to live with someone in active addiction today, I treasure my peace and serenity too much.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

outtolunch

I love this analogy. Now who in their right mind is going to engage the AFLAC Duck. Easier to change the station/channel than listen to that annoying quack stuff.

Freedom1990

Just because he knows the deal doesn't mean he will do the deal. He may never do the deal. Are you prepared to live with that? I no longer base my life on what I hope someone else might do. That fantasy thinking kept me in a lot of pain for years and years.


You're the only one who can determine how much further down that road you go. You do have a choice.