Chino

The most important lesson I have learned because of my daughter's addiction, is that nothing is personal. I realized that earlier this year and I'm 45 years old.

Everything everyone says - positive or negative - is a reflection of their individual reality. If I say I think you're beautiful, it's a reflection of my perception. If I say I think you're ugly, same thing. Our perceptions are 100% our reality.

If something I say wounds you, it's because you already have a wound. All I've done is reinforce your perception. Active addicts are skilled at finding our wounds.

My perception of your wound is your inability to heal your daughter's wounds. My perception is that any loving parent will have that wound, until we 100% accept our powerlessness.

4mychild

I have a question should I warn the poeple that they are going up there to live with about their stealing from those around them to support their habit or just let them figure it out the hard way when they lose all of their stuff. It is his family so part of me don't want to care if they suffer at his hands but then part of me realizes the pain of losing things that you cant replace. BTW once she found out it was a felony to sell stolen property she was all to quick to try to get us to get them out of the pawn shop before the cops got there and seen that they were there. My mom so desperate for her stuff back went and paid to get it outta pawn...come to find out it was mostly pawned in his name, guess that is where the panic came in now we are talking prison and he is not about to go down for her families stuff. She has in her possesion about 25 slips for various items that she pawned mostly jewelry and none that were mine, that makes me realize that there is someone else out there that lost their memories to their drug use and it simply breaks my heart that there is no way to get it back to those people because my daughter simply does not care.

URMYEVERYTHING

It depends on what your motive is on telling them.... is it because you know someone (even your daughter) is about to commit a crime and do something illegal to someone else or is it that you want your daughter to suffer the consequences of not having anywhere to live and hoping that this will get her to see the light?

If it's the second one.. then I would say no as there is no controlling the situation as far as her addiction.

Also, I would be wary about her living with people that live just upstairs from you. If she screws this placement up, guess who's door she will be knocking at? Yours.

This is a tough situation indeed.

4mychild

It is with his family in another state so I dont really know them, I guess telling them is to save them from my daughter as well as her boyfriend. However you pointed out another side I did not think about...I could not let her move back here with me I have another child to think about and with her use I will not take a chance on it hurting her brother. Thank you for helping me see the other points that I missed. I guess these people are on their own and I will pray that I am wrong about my daughter and her boyfriend having no intention of cleaning up their act and starting over.

marle

I always found that when I did something in hopes of my daughter getting clean that it always backfired. She had to walk her own path until she was ready to get clean herself. You can't force consequences on another human being. You can only set those boundaries that will help to protect you. Keeping yourself safe from her insanity should be your number one priority. What happens with other people is none of your business unless they ask for your input. For me meetings and this forum were a lifesaver. They helped me to keep the focus on me and to give my addict the dignity of finding her own way. Hugs, Marle

outtolunch

Back when, I too struggled with this. I had to examine my own motives.

There was a fine line between my own attempt to control and my vision of being a good samaritan. I eventually concluded that my motives were all about me so I decided to stay in my own hula hoop. Make sense?