Haven't Posted In Awhile
 

It has been a few mts since I posted. My 43yr old son is the addict in my life. He has been incarcerated since last Oct & will be released on Christmas My prarents will be 90 in Dec. Last Feb my dad had to get a pace maker. My son wants to live with my them for awhile when he is released until he get on his feet but my mom really doesn't want him there as she is fearful it will upset my dad. I know he is a 43 yr old adult but he writes to us fully expecting we are going to pick him up & give him a place to live.
I believe my son would do better in a structured environment like a half way house. Any ideas on how to get through to him?
Diane

Hi Rozied.
The best way to get a point across to my AS is one simple word...NO. Anything more seems to invite discussion.

Chances are he will see things differently than you do, so I would stick with whatever the family needs, in the case being him to make other arrangements.

(((Hugs)))

Oh gosh, rozied, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I agree, it would probably be way too much for your parents at their age. You get through to your son by setting your boundaries, practicing and communicating your boundaries to him, and following through on maintaining your boundaries. All without drama, blaming, shaming, etc. It sounds like you may have to communicate your parents' boundaries to him also. Communicate with him the same way you would communicate with any other grown adult, such as a co-worker.

Given that people with severe addiction may not be able to "get it together" enough to locate services for themselves (and therefore he is turning to YOU for assistance) you may need to do some homework FOR HIM, in order to keep him out of your hair. Get the contact information for a few places, then mail them to him before he gets out of jail.

Is there anyone in your local community you can contact such as your local social services office to get references and other information? Given that your son is just getting out of jail, I would assume he does not have employment and therefore, may qualify for benefits. A social worker there would have information on halfway houses and things like that.

I don't know if you live near Philly, but there is an incredible recovery community in Philly for folks with addiction issues. If you live near Philly, you could Google "addiction recovery Philadelphia" and see if that particular organization pops up. They have MANY types of living situations for people in recovery. PM me if you can't find it and I will try.

Take care of yourself and please try not to worry.

Hi rozied~~Nice to see you hon. Seems like you have gotten some good info from Learn2live and I would proceed in that direction. Your mom and dad are really too old to be dealing with this. I bet they love their grandson and visits would be nice but living under the same roof would be a little too much. I'd just tell my son that......and help him find somewhere else to live. We are going through choas here again but thats for another post. Duey and I are off tomorrow for a long much needed week-end....stay strong and don't be a stranger, Bonnie

Don't present it as an option for him to live with anyone AT ALL. It's either a halfway house or the streets. It's his choice.

Your taught me that NO is a complete sentence and does not need to be justified or rationalized.

The sooner this man knows, the more time he has to find an alternative arrangement.

He will stay straight or not, regardless of where he lives.

((((Rozied)))

I agree with the above. "No" IS a complete sentence and we don't have to justify "why".

He's 43, time for him to learn how to take care of himself, yes?

Big hugs to you and welcome back :hug: