laney012862

Well, I went to my first meeting a couple of weeks ago, and finding it hard to go back. It was nothing like what I expected. I don't want to read out of books and listen to quotes. I want to hear about what other people are going through and how they are dealing with it. I need suggestions. People did talk and I talked also.

I just kind of felt like I was in church, and that is not what I want.

Not sure what to do.

gowest

One thing you can do is try a different meeting.

In one of the meetings I attend people go out for coffee after every meeting, and that is where some of the less formal advice giving and discussion happens.

As you get to know people in a meeting you can take their phone numbers and call them for advice regarding problems that you are having. However, taking the time to get to know the people in the room is important. Not every one who goes is "healthy" and you want to seek advice from people who seem to have what you want.

I've probably been to meetings at 5 different places and picked two that I really like and try to get to regularly.

Also, sometimes after reading the books or quotes people do give personal testimony about what they have done and how it helped them but is doesn't always happen.

I have found Alanon not to be a "quick fix" but a pillar of support that is there when I need it.

Ann

When I began going to meetings, I made a commitment to myself to try at least 6 meetings, the same meeting or a variety, because this was suggested to me by people who had what I wanted.

I was lucky, my second meeting choice was a perfect fit and the rest is history. I'm glad I didn't make my decision based on my first meeting because although it was "okay" it didn't fit nearly as well as my second meeting.

Don't get me wrong, not everyone has found their recovery through meetings. Some found it on SR and through reading a lot, some through counseling or church or another means. Meetings aren't always available to people and some people just cannot do meetings, and they found recovery too.

But I can only share about what worked for me and believe me, I needed something bad.

Good luck, don't give up and maybe try a few more meetings before you decide if they are right for you.

Hugs

P.S. Your avatar makes me smile.

laney012862

Thank you, I'll probably try a different one next week.

mooselips

Hi laney,
Looking back, my first Alanon meeting wasn't at ALL what I expected. I was looking for someone to give me solutions, to try to help me stop all the chaos and drama. That sure as heck didn't happen.

But I stuck it out, and realized the longer I went, the more I seemed to absorb from those good people and the readings from the books, and the steps.


Keep trying...

Serenity Bound

laney, I agree with the others. Not all meetings are created equal. If you can, shop around...different meetings. There are some that I like better than others.

Also, true in my case, the more I went the more I learned from the readings, quotes and other people. Sharing E,S & H.

Hugs,
Chris

imallright

Me too... keep going or go to different meeting. Be open minded and take what you need and leave the rest. How I felt kept evolving as I did.... keep coming here too... are many of us who are willing to share and support new people, just like we were supported and continue to be.

Chenowth

Laney,

I agree to try another different meeting you may find a better fit for you.

Meetings were not my thing, having gone to too may of them while our daughter was a teen and going through in-patient, out-patient, residential rehabs and finally Juvenile Hall. (By the way, jail worked better that the rest.) As I told one therapist, "I am therapied out!" What I did do was I read, googled and learned as much as I could about addiction and enabiling. Some of it applied to my situation and some of it did not.

I found this board during her most recent relapse and wish I had found it sooner. The advice and people are awesome and it is 24/7!

Just don't get discouraged or give up! If you keep seeking you will find a solution that works for YOU.

Learn2Live

I don't remember any of my meetings being like this: Maybe you were at a Step meeting.

leznew

I went to a couple of alanon meetings. I went and talked to my preacher a couple of times. I get on SR from time to time. I think it is a combination of all of them that is helping me through this tough time. Go with what makes you happy, I try to stay open minded. I may need all of these at any moment. I like to think of it as my network, not my crutch. Because there is no easy answer to our situaltion LOL. Time and hard work will get you through. It has worked for me so far.

outtolunch

At my first meeting, there was a guy telling his story about his ex wife. He was foaming at the mouth and beating his knees. It served as a trigger event for most other people. I thought I had landed in an insane asylum, especially when I learned that said knee beater had been divorced 10 or so years ago.

The big plan was to encourage newcomers to join them at a local open AA meeting, later in the week, because it was our responsibility to let them @#$%% know what @#$%^ they were.

I did not return.

I tried another group. Again the group anger overwhelmed me. I started to wonder if there was perhaps something off about me, that of all the emotions swirling around inside me, anger was not one of them.

I can't judge the entire organization by a few groups.

Instead, I came here. There are a handful of frequent posters whose posts help me keep my priorities straight. I am forever grateful.

clbhm

At first I expected Al-Anon to be a forum for me to talk about how I was dealing with my qualifier (alcoholic/addict girlfriend). Sort of a place for me to talk about what I was going through and listen to people share the same. I had been to a number of open AA and NA meetings before my first trip to Al-Anon and at first I was a little disappointed.

Honestly, Al-Anon isn't all that I wish it were sometimes, but I get a lot out of it even as a relative new-comer. I was fortunate to have found a great weekly meeting that is men only, which is nice. And a couple of others that I also enjoy. Try different groups, don't wait weeks between meetings. Go to 6 meetings before you make up your mind.

To be candid, I still have doubts about how much I need to work on myself. I don't have a particularly long history with my addict so I don't have the years of bad family history that most Al-Anon seem to have. But, there are some aspects of my current relationship that have shed light on things that I should work on. And even things that I already knew about myself, I have found in Al-Anon a different approach on how to deal with them.

Here is the biggest thing for me. I attribute Al-Anon to showing me how to have real faith in my higher power and making me realize my true powerlessness over my companion's disease. It has given me the discipline, so to speak, to start to realize when I need to let go of something. So far, it has worked very well in my life with a recovering addict.

I still get a little weary when meetings turn in to a cheering session for the program alone, but I do believe that it has changed many lives for the better, and I am still free to share however I want to share with whatever is on my mind. It is your meeting as much as anyone's so feel free to speak your mind as long as you stay in the framework of whatever group you're in.

Keep an open mind and go in with as few expectations as you can. That way you'll develop a better sense of what it can really do for you; not what you wanted it to be.