soconfusednow

Hi..I went to my first alanon meeting today. I am a recovering addict myself, with an active hubby, I went to an AA meeting last nite and went to a beginners alanon meeting this am....then right after was another alanon/aa speaker meeting....So I heard alot and spoke up about what I'm going through.

I learned today that Alanon today is for me, not for my husband.Even though Im in recovery myself, for so long, Ive been trying to fix him, to save him, making him promise me this and that. It hasnt worked, and never will.

I'm just as sick as him, but I'm not using. Today, I laid low before the meeting, he was debating on if he should go to work....I told him we need to pay the bills and his reply is "he's going through alot right now"....I looked at him and didnt say anything.

For a year or so, he abuses his drugs, puts us in the hole financially, does what he wants without repercussion, and he's going through alot?

I'm just trying to stay sober and keep my daughter safe.




Im writing all this to give an idea of what I have to deal with daily.

How do I keep my boundaries and take care of myself without starting WW3?

I've given up on the marriage. I love him. However, after going through this, for 20 years, I'm tired and unhealthy. I can't do it anymore.

I can't kick him out, we both own the house. Besides, he says he'd never leave.


Any advice or suggestions, besides keeping it in today and to stay sober and to keep my side of the street clean?

Thanks!

URMYEVERYTHING

First, congrats on your first Al-Anon meeting. You sound so much stronger in this post than in your first couple posts.

Second, as far as you leaving your husband and the difficulty with getting someone to leave, etc. and you being ready to seperate, the best option would probably seek legal counsel on what your rights are. Because he's an active addict and you have a child involved, legal counsel can direct you on what should/needs to happen and having it be in your best interest.

That's how I would personally go about the situation... as reasoning with an active addict isn't happening.

Best of luck. Hang in there. We'll be here for you along the way.

Chino

You've already been given the best advice about legal help, so I want to touch on something else.

You are and have been owning your disease. Because of that you are way ahead of the learning curve on the codie side. Keep on keeping on and you and your daughter will be fine

May God continue to bless you!