urgent advice please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
urgent advice please
hi all,
im thinking of leaving my wife as she is becoming a danger to my little boy age 2 as she has yet again started using , she is an ex heroin adict for 15 years, stable on methodon but relapsed several time. although not on herion this time im sure its either crack or some pills
i am a non user and have a good respectable job.
im worried about custody and my little boy as i could not bare to loose him into care.
thankyou
im thinking of leaving my wife as she is becoming a danger to my little boy age 2 as she has yet again started using , she is an ex heroin adict for 15 years, stable on methodon but relapsed several time. although not on herion this time im sure its either crack or some pills
i am a non user and have a good respectable job.
im worried about custody and my little boy as i could not bare to loose him into care.
thankyou
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Hi James and Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry you are going through chaos again. I'm not sure what you are asking as your post is brief but what it sounds like is that you FEEL your son is in danger.
Do you really need any direction on what to do? Child safety vs. Addict?
I'm sorry you are going through chaos again. I'm not sure what you are asking as your post is brief but what it sounds like is that you FEEL your son is in danger.
Do you really need any direction on what to do? Child safety vs. Addict?
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi, I don't think anyone can say for certain that it is cut and dry since we can not predict the future, but do you think any judge would grant custody to a using parent rather than the non using parent with a stable job?
Although you may deal with her, your child is an innocent victim here who has no choice. I imagine, especially since you have a job, that you can not be there (not would you want to be playing prison warden) 24/7 to make sure she does not use. Leaving a child with a addict in active addiction is not a good idea.
One step at a time though. The issue of the moment is take your child out of a potentially dangerous situation and stop the insanity you are experiencing yourself or not. After that decision is made, the rest can fall in place. Walking away from active addiction does not have to mean divorce...It can just mean making sure you are both safe today. Keep reading and posting and I hope you can find a Naranon or Alanon meeting.
Although you may deal with her, your child is an innocent victim here who has no choice. I imagine, especially since you have a job, that you can not be there (not would you want to be playing prison warden) 24/7 to make sure she does not use. Leaving a child with a addict in active addiction is not a good idea.
One step at a time though. The issue of the moment is take your child out of a potentially dangerous situation and stop the insanity you are experiencing yourself or not. After that decision is made, the rest can fall in place. Walking away from active addiction does not have to mean divorce...It can just mean making sure you are both safe today. Keep reading and posting and I hope you can find a Naranon or Alanon meeting.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, welcome. i agree with greeteachday. i think it is good that you are focusing on protecting your child. the addict in my life is my husband of 23yrs. it took me 21yrs to figure out his addiction was destroying me and the kids along with him. i had to separate myself, trying to live in addiction was literally driving me insane and i can see how my staying has effected my kids.
you probably already know that nothing you can do or say will make her want to stop. she have to want to do that for herself. imo. maybe the best thing you can do for all of you is to take a step back, focus on you/child and allow her to suffer the consequences of her own action. set boundaries for yourself, what you are willing/not willing to live with, followed by consequences if boundaries are crossed. action speaks louder than words so make sure that you follow through on whatever the consequences are.
i too am a recovering addict and it took for my family to let me hit my bottom on my own before i became desperate enough to seek help on my own and be determined to stay on the road of recovery. you and your family are in my prayers.
you probably already know that nothing you can do or say will make her want to stop. she have to want to do that for herself. imo. maybe the best thing you can do for all of you is to take a step back, focus on you/child and allow her to suffer the consequences of her own action. set boundaries for yourself, what you are willing/not willing to live with, followed by consequences if boundaries are crossed. action speaks louder than words so make sure that you follow through on whatever the consequences are.
i too am a recovering addict and it took for my family to let me hit my bottom on my own before i became desperate enough to seek help on my own and be determined to stay on the road of recovery. you and your family are in my prayers.
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