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Hiding pills

Old 10-03-2009, 05:42 AM
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Hiding pills

My AH has been taking painkillers for years. Every month the dr. gives him between 90 - 200 more bc he had surgery 5 years ago and is still "in pain".
Anyway, we discussed this problem and he had me holding them and rationing them out so they would last the month. Today there are only 3 left and I know there should have been many more. He finally confessed he went into my purse and found them.
I'm so sick and tired of all of this. He now has started lying to me which he never did before. My question is, for the next batch which will come in about a week...should I try to find a new hiding place or just give him the whole damn bottle and say do what u want, I don't wanna play this game anymore since there's no point in it!
Help please.
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:52 AM
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I would tell him I don't want to play anymore. He's an adult. He needs to be responsible and accountable for his behavior. And he needs to deal with whatever consequences come from that behavior. That is how people learn.

It has been posted on here more times than I can count....the easier you make the addicts life....the more comfortable you make it for them....the longer the addiction will continue. Its just the nature of the beast.
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:56 AM
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Are you content being married to a man you have to babysit?
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Skeetermag View Post
My AH has been taking painkillers for years. Every month the dr. gives him between 90 - 200 more bc he had surgery 5 years ago and is still "in pain".
Anyway, we discussed this problem and he had me holding them and rationing them out so they would last the month. Today there are only 3 left and I know there should have been many more. He finally confessed he went into my purse and found them.
I'm so sick and tired of all of this. He now has started lying to me which he never did before. My question is, for the next batch which will come in about a week...should I try to find a new hiding place or just give him the whole damn bottle and say do what u want, I don't wanna play this game anymore since there's no point in it!
Help please.
Hi Skeetermag..... sorry you are going through this game with him.
Unfortunately, he's a grown man and you a grown woman and who has time for games when both people are adults??

By enabling him (holding his pills and giving them to him) you are a part of his behavior/addiction in which he will not suffer any consequences to his behavior. The lies will continue, if you give him the bottle or not. So, what are you willing to tolerate?

If you give him the whole bottle, what will that change?
If you keep giving him the pills and not the bottle, what will that change?

The answer to both of those questions is probably NOTHING.

So, what are you willing to do to make this situation change and let him know that this behavior is unacceptable and you will not be a part of it??
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Old 10-04-2009, 11:47 AM
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I wouldn't pick them up from the pharmacy for him. I wouldn't hide the bottle. And I wouldn't say anything.

I would sit my butt down every day with a pen and a notebook and start thinking about and writing out what I DO want for my life and my future. Then, each day, I would take one small step toward accomplishing those things.
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:29 PM
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Thank you all for your help with this. I told him today that I will not keep them any more.Right now he is in between the week where he ran out too early and the next two weeks waiting for the next RX.
I am feeling very uptight and anxious tonite. He told me today that my holding them helped but if I didn't put one out early enough in the a.m., he didn't want to wake me but needed some for the pain. Oh God! So now it's my fault???
The pain, the constant pain. Iam so sick of hearing about it. He had rotator cuff surgery 5 years ago and has been hooked ever since. Now he tore another tendon in the shoulder and is thinking about surgery again. Here we go again!
More pain...more pills....more BS!
And on and on it goes. Pain pills are prescribed to him for anything from a hangnail to a blister it seems.
I even accused him of hurting himself on purpose just to get more pills. Not only that, he takes about 10-20 Norco a day, 10 mg. ones, plus ativan to sleep, Ambian at times and also muscle relaxers and beer or wine. It scares the hell out of me. He's become so focused on his body and every ache and pain, it's making me nuts.
I love him and he is/was my soulmate for many years...no kids at home now...and I feel so sad just wanting him back to being him. Sorry for the long vent. Thanks for listening.
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:46 PM
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Wow Skeeter. I want to tell you a story about my friend who had surgery and got hooked on pills. At first it was just pain killers, but then it was whatever she could get her hands on. She needed to drink and take valium when she couldn't get opiates because it helped her avoid withdrawals. She lied and lied and lied to everyone around her. But we all knew what was going on. We ignored it. We hoped she would get better but she didn't. She just kept getting more pills - she would "injure" herself and get pills from her doctor. She would order them online. She would by them off the street. That's when things got really bad. Her husband was threatening to leave her. But he never did. We tried to get her to control her pill intake but it didn't help. She would lie. When you are an addict you have a compulsion to take more pills. You can't help it. You are sick. You can't control your pill intake. And if you want one, you will find one. No matter what.

Finally my friend overdosed - several times actually. Mixing pills (valium, xanax, opiates, sleeping pills, ativan, uppers, downers, you name it...) is really bad news. That can kill you quick.

Her OD is what saved her because she was forced to look at where she was and whether she wanted to live or die. Her husband said go to detox or I'm leaving you - he meant it this time and she knew it. Plus her whole family had found out what was going on so she couldn't pretend everything was ok anymore. She chose detox. She ended up going to rehab. (Detox is not the same thing as rehab or recovery.) I'm pretty sure she's clean now. She's working a program and trying real hard anyway.

She was an addict. She didn't need someone to control her pill intake. She needed professional help.

Controlling her pills was not helping her recover. It was only prolonging the inevitable.
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:50 PM
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Thanks Kitty,
That's what scares me, but if he OD's I really hope he lives to get the help he doesn't think he needs!
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:52 PM
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Her OD's were horrible. But she was going to die from her addiction if she didn't get help. And that is what spurred her to get it.

Like I said, trying to control her intake only prolonged the inevitable.
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Old 10-05-2009, 12:36 AM
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i agree with the others, his pill intake is his responsibility. unless he seeks help, his addiction will get progressively worse and you hiding his pills will not make him be responsible for his own actions. i think you did the best thing for you and for him by allowing him to be responsible for his own bad choices. when hes bent on using, there is nothing you can do to stop him so maybe not it time for you to focus more on you.

have you attended any alanon or naranon meetings? keep reading and posting. you and your family are in my prayers.
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Old 10-05-2009, 10:31 AM
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Wow, Skeeter, I understand how you feel, I've been there and still am to a degree.

I am also in a relationship with a "chronic pain with addictive behaviors."

Hubby has severe degenerative disc disease of the back & neck. His doc has him on Norco 10's Hydro's for breakthrough pain and Xanax. He is currently being evaluated again for disability, I think this time he might be approved. We have a son together.

He can't take them as prescribed. He blows right through them. I have held on to them & dispensed them too, and he would find where they were hidden and take them. We even bought a lockbox, he took it and welded it open & tried to tell me someone stole them. All because of the "pain" Oh how well I know the insanity. Know one thing, it will never work with you holding on to the pills, it's a no win situation. He will find them again and again. Beleive me, I know. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again expecting different results. I was in that loop for way too long beleiving his rationalizations for too long. I have been the very definition of insanity & codependant.

I have kicked him out in anger, only to let him back in because I could'nt stand him starving and hearing my son begging, tried to force rehab, I have tried nearly everything to try to make things work. I nearly made myself physically ill trying.

I go to Alanon, which in my small area there are no naranon's. It is my lifeline, I would not make it otherwise. The program helps me cope and try to break the cycle of insanity. I am working on myself and trying to work on making me better. I have made changes, baby steps if you will. I don't pay for the doc visits, I don't buy the meds, I don't handle his meds at all now. I have boundries in place about what is unacceptable behaviour. Purchasing med from others, borrowing them, irrational and insane behaviour. He has to make his own decisions, not me. So far he has not been overly stoned and displaying the erratic, irrational behaviour but he is still not taking them correctly. But he has to decide what to do about that. And I have to work on enforcing my boundries if and when that time comes.

I have no clue what the future holds, when I become strong enough I may decide to divorce him. At this point I am just working on my biggest enemy, myself. Trying to discover why I act like I do. Just baby steps, thats how I do it.

Is it the right way? Who knows? But I do know I am alot more calm, more serene and able to deal with things on a day to day basis. I have started doing more things that I want to do & less time obsessing over what he is doing. And that is a very good thing.

I hope things work out for you,

Teggie
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Old 10-06-2009, 06:58 AM
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I told him today that I will not keep them any more... I am feeling very uptight and anxious tonite.
Very good for you for telling him you will not keep them anymore! Step 1 is DONE! NOW, Step 2: Hold YOURSELF to following thru with what you said you would do.

He told me today that my holding them helped but if I didn't put one out early enough in the a.m., he didn't want to wake me but needed some for the pain. Oh God! So now it's my fault???
Right. This is what they do. That is, shun responsibility for ALL of it and put all the responsibility and blame on other people. All of this is HIS responsibility. And there is NO ONE to blame. When you assign blame, you open yourself up to GUILT. Guilt is poison. Get yourself out of the blame trap; Blaming is addictive thinking.

The pain, the constant pain. Iam so sick of hearing about it. He had rotator cuff surgery 5 years ago and has been hooked ever since. Now he tore another tendon in the shoulder and is thinking about surgery again. Here we go again! More pain...more pills....more BS! And on and on it goes. Pain pills are prescribed to him for anything from a hangnail to a blister it seems.
I even accused him of hurting himself on purpose just to get more pills.
My brother complained for 15 years in order to justify his addiction. And yes, they WILL have surgeries to get the pills; my brother and his wife BOTH had elective knee surgeries for the pills.

It scares the hell out of me. He's become so focused on his body and every ache and pain, it's making me nuts.
How much longer will you allow having hiim in your life, keeping you constantly afraid and crazy? I cannot tell you what the stress in your life is doing to YOU and your health.

I love him and he is/was my soulmate for many years...no kids at home now...and I feel so sad just wanting him back to being him.
All my life my "little brother" was MY soulmate. We fought thru childhood in an alcoholic family TOGETHER. We had a very strong sibling bond. I also was sad to lose that bond to his addiction. I know you want your soulmate back to "who he used to be." But sooner or later I hope you see that the person you are living with IS him. It is very unhealthy for you to continue to hang onto who you think and wish he was and probably is not helping him, even though you love him. After 15 years of what you are also going through, I just had to let my bro go. My entire family had to because our lives were just so chaotic because of his choices. And you know what? After about 2 years of having to stand on his own two feet, he got himself into the recovery of HIS choice: He did it HIS way, not OUR way. Now, he is a bit over 2 years clean.

Let Go and Let God. Please be good to yourself. This stress is killing you honey.
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Old 10-06-2009, 07:56 AM
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I often did things like this "once". I agreed to be a second signature on his account before he could withdraw or write cheques. Didn't work the first time, didn't do it after that.

I held medications much like you did. Didn't work the first time, didn't do it after that.

I learned that enabling was doing for them what they could and should be doing for themselves. I learned to be supportive and do things like that until it was clear that it didn't make a whit of difference.

What helped me was to return to my first step...We admitted we were powerless over the addict/his addiction/his ability to manage a bank account/his ability to be responsible with medications/fill in the blank with anything that didn't have my name all over it.

Doing that saved me from the need to go to the second part of that Step...and that our lives had become unmanageable.

12 little steps saved my bacon and gave me my life back and I will be forever grateful.

Hugs
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